Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats
-Susan B. Xenu
Unfortunately I have been getting drawn deeper and deeper into the sinful cesspit that is facebook. I have an account there since it is the most used social website in the world. Where better to get to the sinful souls that so desperately need to be saved?
But unfortunately my articles on dangerous emosexual bands have brought me into conflict with facebook bound angry emosexuals. My fan page was temporarily taken over by a horde of raging prepubescent girls with evil comments that read like text messages from a drunk hippie. My regular account is inundated from friend requests from underage emos that just want to threaten violence. To make it worse countless pro-emosexual and hate groups geared at me have popped up. Luckily yesterday one of my brave christian warriors was able to gain control of one of these vile groups and turned it into a pro Susan event.
Despite the dark eyes this one will never be an emo
To make it worse I have homogay lesbians propositioning me. Alas all of this conflict has taken it out of me. Today one of my brothers tried to brighten my day by offering to post kitten pictures for me.
I instantly scolded him. He obviously does not read Christwire often enough. If you read our holy page as often as you should (and as Christ commands) you would know that cats are evil. We have had countless articles citing them as hell spawn and wiccan familiars. A true Christwire reader knows that the dog is the favored pet of a christly person.
Unlike dogs, cat’s are known to suck the life from babies.
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER
Cats are aloof unloving animals. They only care about you when you have food or play toy treats to offer. And when you die they eat you, a real threat for an 81 year old. Yet dogs offer unconditional love, just as Jesus Christ does. When you come home they come to the door to lick you and only want a vigorous ear scratching.
As far as I know there is only one recorded instance of a cat chasing off a burglar. But dogs are often used to chase off intruders. They are used by countless handicapped people with special needs, they are used for treatment for emotionally and psychologically impaired and are used as service dogs for soldiers, Police and Security.
Every day brave dogs help soldiers fight terrorism, in ways few would imagine.
If there is any doubt of their pure love go to youtube and look for videos of returning soldiers being greeted by their beloved canine pet friends.
Here are a couple of great examples:
Seeing my dog the day I got back from Afghanistan
Dog (Molly) Sees Mom, Just Home From Afghanistan
Dog hugs a soldier returning home!
But most touching is the story of Petty Officer Jon Tumilson. Tumilson, 35, was killed in the major U.S. helicopter crash in Afghanistan this month. At his funeral he was remembered by approximately 1,500 mourners, including his loyal Labrador retriever Hawkeye. The dog refused to leave his side during the funeral earlier this week in Rockford, Iowa. A wonderful tribute video can be seen here.
The dog of slain Petty Officer Jon Tumilson refused to leave his side during the Navy SEAL’s funeral earlier this week in Rockford, Iowa. The heartbreaking photo taken by his cousin, Lisa Pembleton, shows Tumilson’s dog Hawkeye lying by the casket. (via The Daily Treat: Animal Planet)
I ask you, would a cat do that? No…It would stay at home and get high on drugs and listen to emo music.