• Why Mature, Older People Always Win

    August 23, 2011 3:04 pm 43 comments
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  • Recently, it has come to our attention that we have a group of very unhappy, slumped shouldered and socially disenfranchised youth in this country. I usually shy away from people that act controversial. Their boorish drama is a stark contrast to my loving, nurturing and non-judgmental nature. These youngsters embrace and cling to anything they perceive as shocking or against the moral teaching of their betters. They group feed on shock, mock and awe like white writhing maggots on road kill. Fortunately, these contentious young people are doomed to ‘ambitious failure’ also known in some circles as maturity.

    Children are Poison Bombs Thrown into the Future

    Through reproduction, we are assured our DNA is left as a legacy to our existence. We are because we reproduce. What is born into this world as a plump, pink bundle of hope will transform into an angry youth that uses a sharpie marker as eyeliner or sadly rages against the established mores and folkways with righteous indignation and witless catch phrases so trite they are tossed around abbreviated. Youngsters’ intellect should be regarded as retarded and bereft until they are able to care for themselves independently, are free of odd facial expressions, can present rational arguments without saying ‘UM’, ‘like’, or ‘you know’ forty-eleven times, and have a value system consistent with moral teachings as productive citizens.

    While it is sometimes difficult, understanding the lifecycle of these pity party pansies in the circle of life is helpful. They were not ‘born this way’ to stay this way. Ironically, the very forces they rally against are those they are doomed to join. It is, as they say, just a stage or phase. What should be evident is that we don’t see many grown mature people making fools of themselves like the young.

    Larva or Infant Stage

    Children between the ages of 0-10 are a delight. They view authority figures in a positive light and are generally helpful and free of mood swings – unless the mother is unfit for that title. Children in this stage of development are sponges for information and sage teachings. Safety, personal hygiene and how to stand in line are some of the major accomplishments of this phase of maturity. A respectful vocabulary is developed during this stage if parents are not drug addled miscreants.

    Pupa or Tweeners Phase

    The pupa or tween stage is evident in the child aged 11-15. The Ups truck typically delivers sexual hormones during this stage as well as a penchant for social networking. Lingering stares and unfulfilled drama seems to envelop the pupa. Girls typically learn to crush opponents with stabbing commentary and morass logic systems. Boys learn about the heavy burden of liking girls.

    Wisdom is consumed from any source other than the parent during this stage, with much of it being a ragged mish mash of nihilism and crybaby boohoos passed around like a bottle of Boone’s Farm apple seed wine in a hobo camp. Rejection is the nippled pabulum for those enduring the phase.

    Social interactions, provided by ‘anonymous’ internet social sites, are a trunk of clever play clothes for the pupa to try on. Crying sensitives, emotional drama and overwhelming ordinary tragedy seems to pervade this group’s thinking. Each tries to outshine the other with their predictable unique conformity to the group identity, rejecting those that question their collective self-indulgence with ‘f-words’ and banal twitters. They might start liking vampires and dressing in light absorbing black clothing. Some make video blogs of their precious little thoughts without washing their face or cleaning their room first.

    While the media of social networking has evolved into limited character sugary epigrams and digital didactic diatribes of empty intellectual nutrition, the public pupa pity party raves on like it has for millennia. The pupa or tweeners huddle together like abandoned kittens in a loving home, mewling for milk that is already in a dish placed before them.

    Chrysalis Stage

    At some point between the ages of 14-20, a pupa or tween will crystallize. The social shell experiences a hardening against the mature influences before breaking. Addiction and secreted compulsive disorders like excessive liberal reading or inappropriate use of a sharpie marker can be signs of this phase of development for the middle class chrysalis.

    Disregard for personal safety and impulsive idea diarrhea can be expected in this phase. A good friend with an 18 year old experienced this first hand. His son, a non swimmer, went to the beach instead of going to a mission work camp like he told his father. While at the beach, the youngster decided to go parasailing without a vest and nearly drown. By nearly drown, I mean he had stopped breathing and had a weak heartbeat when the paramedics tried to revive him. The hospital had contacted my friend for insurance information. Without sarcasm, my friend remarked, “I don’t know why I am surprised. This is the same kid that cleaned the trash from a truck cab with a leaf blower.”

    Mature Adult stage

    At some point in the chrysalis stage, a small miracle happens for some. Brain function becomes regulated. Decisions are made with thoughtful cognitive processes rather than impulse. Experience and a will to live seem evident. Contentment becomes a goal rather than something to be mocked.

    Much like a heat lamp aids gestating chicken eggs, steps can be taken to hasten the maturity of pupa through the chrysalis stage. Sometimes viewed as controversial by liver lipped liberal elites, the boot camp is a ray of hope for many.

    Dropped off far away from the quagmire of facebook or youtube commentary, youngsters are forced to rely on face to face interactions, take responsibility for their stupidity and make decisions without twittering the twits of the social group. These are usually rugged terrain locations. Young Barron Von Weephaus wearing the hip hugging girl pants and hair gel will quickly find these do not hold the same survival currency as knowing how to chop wood, find clean drinking water or start a fire. Work means you get to eat, Lil’ Wrangler.

    My friend with the nearly drowning son tried one of these camps. He was thrilled with the results. His endorsement is a salty, but heartfelt testament to the good these types of camps can provide. “Well, I guess Dad’s a p**ck and Mom’s a b**ch until you have to use a pinecone to wipe your privileged ass a few times.

    Yes indeed they are. This is why older, mature people will always win. We have lived through these stages. They are unsustainable stages of silliness that no human being can endure for a lifetime. Mature people understand that this is the next generation of mature people. Young people are just insufferable maggots at this point. That and the fact we have jobs and money to send them to boot camp instead of these stupid concerts.


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    About The Author
    Blanche Beecham "Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM

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