YouTube’s Top Five Most Dangerous Electronic Dance Music Bands (Week of August 16 – 24, 2011)

Electronic Dance Music is a new genre of perverse noise that greatly endangers your child’s lifestyle.  Imagine all the worst elements of the 60s diseased drug culture and mix that with today’s abuse of modern neon-painted pharmaceuticals by hallucinogenic Tijuana border gangsters, throw in some poorly orchestrated music with suggestive lyrics and you have the basis for the Electronic Dance Music community.

The most troubling aspect of the EDM community is their use of online Internet technology to organize massive masochist fests, which they call ‘raves’.  We have learned of all the loosened body exploitation that happens at these events and if your college child has ever attended a rave, they already have a 43% greater chance of dropping out due to drug addiction, pregnancy or disease, respectively.

This week YouTube has unleashed a powerful new tool which will help us categorize and keep up-to-date with the most dangerous Electronic Dance Music bands, so you parents and guardians can stay well informed of what to keep your college kids away from.  Let us start putting these EDM bands to task.

5.  Waka Waka – Shakira
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRpeEdMmmQ0

The first EDM band on our list is Mexican hip-dancer Shakira.  Within the EDM community, they break down their ‘sub-genre’ by the type of drug-fueled dancing that is associated with it.  Last week at the tragic West Hollywood rave where 100s were sodomized, including one cop, the “Throbbing Gristle” EDM community was largely to blame.  While it remains largely unconfirmed how a the dance is officially performed, emotionally traumatized survivors of the riot state that it looked much like illicit club dancing, but with drunken fraternity boys as the splayed victim and tattooed, pale-skinned effiminate hipsters doing the Twister-styled moves all over their bodies.

In this song called “Waka Waka” by Shakira, we get a look into the imported Mexican EDM drug scene.  Also called Mariachi Tingling Fiestas on the street, Mexican raviestas are filled with crudely cut LSD and are becoming increasingly popular in Southern California and Texas.  Unwanted pregnancy and STD explosions are common among female ravers of Hispanic ancestry and seeing the sultry, nasty music that forces the crowd to grind nude flesh against one another, the statistic of 2 out of 7 ravers become pregnant with mariachi babies at this type of party.

Even scarier is this “Waka Waka” song, a term that refers to the noise muppet-character “Gonzo” made on children’s television show, muppet bubbies.  Gonzo Pills, which today are called Muffet Tuffets, are little balls of acid that are sugar-plummed with crystal meth and ecstasy.  These pills are dispensed from Pez dispensers where naive little girls open up to get their fill, then when they pass out get a fill of something far worse.

This song is a secret anthem to these horrible things.

4.  Aqua – Barbie Girl

Aqua is a foreign EDM band and one of the newest dangers to your children.  If you see your daughter has taken to painting her face like a schizophrenic clown with a dour taste for 80s neon, then she is most likely a ‘Barbie Girl’ raver.

Barbie Girls are ravers who go into the powder puffed image fantasy:  bright pinks and blues, blond hair dyes with Koolaid streaks and excessive perfumes.  The Barbie Girl raver community is largely centered in Detroit but also has followings in San Franciso, Boston and Galveston. The bright colors are symbolic for youth and hallucinations, the two things old, seasoned ravers crave the most from your innocent college daughters.

In this song we here the lyrics:
“You can touch my hair, undress me everywhere.”

The shade of Koolaid streaking your daughter uses in her hair symbolizes the types of drugs/sexual acts she will allow happen to her at a Barbie Girl rave. Girls without hair dye are not into ‘proper’ grounds, usually being fully kicked out or forced to stand in what they refer to as a ‘hog trough’ action where no drugs or grinding flesh acts are present.

If you notice your daughter is getting trampy tattoos, listening to dangerous EDM music and getting Koolaid colored hair dyes, immediately rush her into the local ER and demand she submit to a drug screen. You may as well test for STDS and pregnancy too, since most ravers are abortion-toking prostitutes who try to hide their shameful lifestyle in secret, away from parental authority.

3. Soulja Boy – Crank That
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UFIYGkROII

Chocolate raves are a dangerous fusion of drummed and bassed, hipped hopped and traditional dubstepping raver stylings.  The end result is gun violence, more pregnancy and the worst crimes imaginable in America’s inner cities.

Not since the dirty hippies stole into Harlem during the late 60s, setting the Civil Rights movement and black community back by 20 years from all their drugs and lazy influence, has the Afro-saxon community faced such a danger.

One of the newest urban EDM artists is Soulja Boy.  His music transcends racial boundaries and causes people from all demographics to throw massive, musty raves where they intermingle and intertwine their bodies in the highest sweats of marijuana induction, laughing and singing all the way down the tight, young curves of each other’s bosoms.  It is not until their eyes burn from the earliest morning hours and whiskey hangovers that the attendees of these urban orgies are allowed to leave the raving grounds.

At these events the drug of choice are “Hershey’s Quaalude Magic”, little morsels of chocolate wrapped in acid-lined golden paper.  After the attendees are well plied with chocolate, the loosening effects of the brown caffeine drops cause massive amounts of copulation and a dangerous rectal grind ‘pudding-popping’ dance to take place.  It is all the worst elements of a scary rap video but with more extreme drug use and illicit sexuality, even by rave standards.

2.  Deadmau5 – Raise Your Weapon

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnwfTHpnGLY

Deadmau5 is a relatively new and unknown raver band but their music packs one of the scariest death punches to the face of your child’s morality and innocence.  The song “Raise Your Weapon” is an anthem for anarchy and dangerously serves double entendre with the “Weapon” of the title being the sinful flesh Satan Scepter of all the horny, drug fueled boys who go to these raves looking to ply your daughters with disease, drugs and pregnancy.

While not much is known about this mysterious German band, the fans that follow them are loud, notorious and omnipresent at any genre of raver event.  Quick research shows the fans of Deadmau5 call themselves Juggalos and it is obvious these are the same painted-up, depressed vampire wanna-be Twilight fans that plague the nation’s mall.

Dressing up in 90′s chique emosexual gothic outfits from Hot Topic, oft times looking like sun-deprived extras from the Matrix, fans of Deadmau5 are known for their blood-letting acid orgies and even scarier Wiccan occult practices that result in scary, moonlit dances infamous to this community.  The above song is scary and chilling for any loving parent.

1.  Super Bass – Nicki Minaj
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JipHEz53sU&feature=musicchart

Topping this week’s most dangerous electronic dance music is Nicki Minaj and the drummed and bassed Satanic cadence song, Super Bass.

Drummed and Bassed music is similar to trance, entrapping the listener’s mind into a state where the brain can be brainwashed by the suggestive lyrics and hypnotic beat. With all the fluidic LSD that’s available in the DnB community, oft times being mixed into snow cones and fruity drinks at their EDM events, it’s no wonder that the drummed and bassed community is known as ‘zombie heads’ in the raver world.

This song uses a base line that can shake the entire body and home if you have modernized computer or car speakers. Such low decibels are said to resonate with Satan’s demons on Earth and if you look at Nicki’s last name, minaj is the French word for 3-way bed nasties.

Like any other raver dance community, DnB is all about using drugs as an excuse to have the most mind-altering, hedonism filled sessions of unbridled passion and angst released as an explosive demonstration of shameful depravity, only washed away the next day in some stranger’s drug houses shower room. This community is very low when it comes to cleanliness or chastity, with a rate of whoremongering on levels near that of the homosexual community.