It is my job as a former Jury Duty at Law to judge when a group or individual shall be guilty in this nation. Through the hard work of our journalists and societal analysists, it has become rabidly apparent that the greatest threat to America are the emosexuals.
What is an Emosexual? They are the depressed, black-cloth drenched children who lack vitamin D and have nasty attitudes. They fall and worship Satanic bands who dress up like demon witches and they drink each other’s bloods and worship before the unholy words of JRK Tolkien. These little spellbound witches are supposed to be the promising future of America, but only warm the flaming eyes of their wiccan religion Father Satan.
These children are to today’s culture what the STD drenched, drug toking unAmerican Commie hippies were to the 60s. These little draft dodgers are sitting in their homes, listening to their horrible music and causing trouble while proper people their age are protecting freedom in Iraq and Afghanistan. These little Satanic brides are laying prostrate before the thrones of Satan, leaving him to his wildest glee and fantasies upon their bodies in their midnight moon rituals while hardworking young men and women in this country are at university, burning the midnight oil to become tomorrow’s successful lawyers, doctors and business leaders.
Emosexuals are going to be the next drain to our ecomony. The girls are future methfaced Obamamommas, getting lapped up by faygo explosions in their babymakers and expecting Mommy, Daddy and Uncle Sam’s taxes to fund them as they spit out kid after kid they get knocked up with at their dangerous liquid sin raves. The boys are no better, lacing themselves up in leather like an 80s punk street prostitute and letting the next horndog businessman use them up in a back alley, all in exchange for a sniff of crank or a 20 dollar bill they’ll rush to Hot Topic and buy the next Black Vealed Sally Harper slut CD! Mark my words, parents, we must just rid society of this filthy!
So as a responsible man of society, I have taken it upon myself to contact the Cuban consulate and demand they accept a shipment of these vile punks as ‘exchange students’. We will leave them there and take some young Cubans in exchange. Taught right, Cubans are harder workers and of better moral resolve than these little goth punk dropouts.
So here is the petition:
PETITION TO SEND ALL EMOS TO CUBA
Abe Goodman, Jury Duty at Law, Concerned Parent, Enviromental Scientist, Minister, B.A.