• Reddit.com’s Web of Inappropriate Web Slang

    September 27, 2011 5:09 pm 130 comments

    stephenson billings on reddit

    Parents, here are some of the common slang terms found on the teen website, Reddit.com. Below this list, the different chapters of this internet page are explained in more detail. Please be warned, this dictionary contains some very graphic terminology.

    For further analysis of this important issue, see the investigative report, “Is My Teen on Reddit”?

    Reddit – The name is derived from the word “red,” connoting communism and “DIT,” the acronym for Dual Inheritance Theory. D.I.T. is a radical anti-Christian philosophy that proposes that human beings are the products of two influences– biological “evolution” and faddish cultural trends. Communism, evolution theory and trendiness– that is the “Red-dit” environment in a nutshell!

    Reddator – A combination of “Reddit” and “Predator,” this is a user who dedicates several hours a day to cruising the site for sexual content and teenage boys and girls.

    Mod – A moderator in this circus of technological perversion. One who lifts up the red velvet rope of private subsections, censoring elder wisdom and cultivating the ramblings of the underage.

    Admin – A kingmaker who threatens those who don’t “get with the program” with permanent banishment if they ask too many questions or post conservative, Christian viewpoints. These types collect “mods” like Jeffrey Dahmer collected victims, first stupefying the mind with a cocktail of rules and then using threats of admonishment to gain physical subservience.

    stephenson billings on redditKarma – The praise points one earns from fellow users for typing non-threatening comments that mirror common leftist ideologies. This is the great drug of the Reddit enterprise, a carrot held out before Reddators encouraging them to write and submit more and more as their insatiable thirst for peer acceptance dominates personal time and completely erases what remains of one’s real world social life.

    AMA – The acronym of the American Medical Association, often used in personal confessions regarding sexually transmitted diseases.

    Bacon – A Jewish member of the site.

    Fap – To masturbate furiously.

    FTFY – “Free Tugs For You.” Denotes an advanced Reddator offering a hand to a novice. (The subtext of mutual masturbation is completely intentional.)

    Hivemind – A proletariat collective in which everyone is at risk of being stung.

    stephenson billings on redditILF/MD – I Love Female/Male Dominance

    “I Rape Cats” – An advanced type of Reddator who believes he has achieved enough fame on Reddit to take his preposterous ideas and sleazy mannerisms offline. I.e., a fraud.

    Narwhal – The precise definition of this term is unknown but is likely highly unpleasant.

    Ninja – An Asian user of the website.

    Novelty Account – To create an online profile for the promotion of pedophilia, narcotics or espionage.

    NSFW/NSFL – “Not Safe for Watching” and “Not Safe for Listening.”

    OP – “Opinionated Primadonna.”

    PNP – “Party and Play” (gay drug and sex orgy).

    Saydrah – A verb meaning to present oneself as a promiscuous woman for surreptitious financial gain. I.e., “That guy saydrahed erectile dysfunction cures all over my post!”

    Submission – A form of behavior in which one attempts through appeasement displays to avoid injury by a dominant member of his or her own subculture.

    TL;DR – Shorthand for “The lesson, dear reader.” A pretentious way of noting that other Reddators are too lazy to comprehend a paragraph over five lines long.

    VMπ – Vampire.

    ಠ_ಠ – An acknowledgement that one is currently wide-eyed from hallucinogenic drugs.

    POWERFUL PROVINCES OF THE REDDIT EMPIRE:

    stephenson billings on redditr/PoliticsA nasty hotbed of clichéd liberalism where the list of headlines mirrors CNN’s frontpage on any given day. The moderators of this section take great pride in presenting a meticulously edited appearance, as if they have the credibility of actual journalists.

    r/WorldnewsAn unappetizing recipe of ingredients from Al Jazeera and Al Haaretz go into making this news feed a disagreeable stew of globalism and socialist propaganda. You’d be better of getting your meals (and critical analysis) at Cracker Barrel.

    r/AskredditA notoriously dishonest section where people make up horrendous stories about themselves in order to beg for “karma” and financial donations. A typical example would be: “I’m a heroin-addicted 14-year old mother of six living in a dumpster and having problems with my Chrome extensions. Can anyone help?”

    stephenson billings on redditr/AtheismA lonely place where aging hippies attempt to convert their miserable career failures into intellectual capital.

    /r/Bad_Cop_No_DonutGround zero for all those who hate the difficult work that America’s law enforcement engages in every day.

    /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuAn unnerving warehouse of x-rated “rage” comics miniaturized to such an extent that they are illegible to adult eyes.

    r/Jailbait and r/LgbtgonewildYoung people willfully expose bare flesh in the hopes of placing a band aid on their troubled egos in these smutty galleries. Like prostitutes dancing for cash, it is one of the sleaziest ways to garner “karma” and the advances of older men.

    SFW Porn Network – A disturbing collection of photography where youths with questionable mental stability sexualize inanimate objects. This includes everything from fussy private libraries and uselessly outdated maps to imploding buildings and multiethnic ghettos.

    stephenson billings on redditr/TodayILearnedA naked display of shared ignorance, where shocked web surfers proudly proclaim well-known historical facts as new discoveries to the equally dumbfounded. For example, “TIL that there were TWO presidents named George Bush in America!”

    r/TreesA secret forum that is all about marijuana abuse. Most users here are far too stoned on drugs to realize that they have posted the same images and stories a dozen times before. See also r/woahdude.

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    About The Author
    Stephenson Billings Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !

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