• Are Vegans Behind the Listeria Cantaloupe Outbreak

    October 8, 2011 6:58 am 16 comments

    Symptoms can take longer to appear, putting victims at greater risk of illness.

    Listeria.  It is the terrifying new outbreak that’s ripping through America and causing more furor than the H1N1 swine flu and deadly avian bird flu, combined.  As we sit at the precipice on the always health-weakening cold and flu season, we must be wary of all new pathogens and from what the CDC estimates, listeria is the worst.

    The first strains of listeria, a deadly cyanobacteria that can thrive in extreme colds and heats, were found on a massive throng of cantaloupes sent from Jansen Farms.  To date, over 21 people have died from listeria.  Even more terrifying, the spread of illness has so far claimed over two dozen different states.  79 people are deathly ill from the outbreak.

    At the heart of the crisis is a lifestyle choice many people have made:  veganism.  Vegans are people who deny their body proteins.  They refuse to eat animal products and feel it is natural to eat a very limited scope of product.  The vegan credo is elitist and only allows its followers to eat a narrow scope of food:

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    On the list, we see grass, granola and tofu comprise the majority of a vegan’s diet.  Grass is not a healthy food option by any means, but studies show vegans sometimes have identity issues requiring them to ‘fill-up’ on foods that provide no nutrional value to their body, allowing them to keep impossibly small frames.  The granola and tofu combinations combine to further assist in this process.

    In the ‘other’ grouping, vegans have assorted fruits and some specialized nuts that they will also eat.  All of these food choices are very inappripriate and not healthy.  But instead of only endangering themselves, vegans are also presenting a great threat to the rest of society as evidenced by the listeria outbreak.

    With a weak, malnourished body comes a weak immune system.  It’s thought the listeria pathogen is an amalgamated form of ergot and E. coli.  This supermutant bacteria lives in the digestive tract of vegans, who do not use powerful animal based soaps to wash their hands.

    As such, vegans never really have clean hands and have a very high incidence of shopping for fresh fruit and produce at stores.  The vector of outbreak for listeria is thought to be the fecal-contaminated hands of vegans, who are coincidentally comprised of some 78% of homosexuals.

    When handling a cantaloupe, the tainted hands of vegans infect the outer hull of the fruit, giving a chance for contamination.  While officials believe some tainted grass or granola was the first thing to spread this backside-to-hand-to mouth disease in these meat-denier people, other studies show people who eat less meat have weaker immune systems.

    All of these facts combine to show how a strain of cantaloupe with an incidentally weaker hull could have bacterial seapage from the outside to within.  Once inside the fruit, the nasty pathogens from the hands of the vegan are free to infect the body of whoever buys it and eats of it.

    Jansen Farms have responsibly pulled all cantaploupe off the market and your local grocer can tell you if you should throw your cantaloupe out.

     

     

     

     

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    About The Author
    Pat Heinkel Pat Heinkel is the senior church organist for Shellington Pres., where he also proudly serves as a volunteer firefighter, distinguished lecturer and has the town's (maybe region!) largest collection of Coleoptera. Email Pat

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