• Can Eating Rodent Feces Really Save America?

    October 2, 2011 10:24 pm 80 comments

    Written under the guided hand of a loving Creator, the scripture of Leviticus provided to Moses encompasses most of the Biblical food standards. Since Jesus effectively wiped the plate clean with his blood and sacrifice, as a Christian nation we no longer need to obey these food codes – so why do we need government codes to dictate what is safe?

    Liberal loving, Jesus hating government officials attempt to regulate food under the guise of ‘food safety’ or even dietary guidelines to enslave the citizenry to a socialist regime with the intent to foil corporate job creators and trick people into worshiping government. Food regulation is a job killer that leads to an entitlement culture, higher unemployment, illegal immigration, obesity and falling international math scores. These social ills are pure ambrosia for the liberal elite until the veil of secrecy is pulled aside and facts are revealed.

    Food Facts:


    Every person that has consumed 5 fruits and vegetables per day since the creation of man has died.

    Eliminating sugar from the diet means you will die. It also means a South American cane plantation worker loses his job and begins making black tar heroin for your daughter.

    The so called ‘longevity’ benefits from a healthy diet and lifestyle are an entitlement drain on Social Security and younger citizens.

    92% of hospitalized sick Americans can identify a picture of an apple. Apples are not doctor repellants, unless sufficient directional velocity is applied.

    The FDA allows 30 or more insect fragments, 1 rodent hair, and no more than 25 mg rat poop per 100 grams peanut butter in order to be deemed fit for consumption. Rat poop often contains beneficial parasite eggs that fight obesity.

    Most Americans are unable to discern the difference between a raisin and a wingless house fly. Houseflies contain more protein than raisins.

    Chocolate food standards allow for 60 insect fragments per 100 grams. Cockroaches are 100% chocolate colored. Insect exoskeletons have a texture consistent with that of dehydrated puffed rice, according to knowledgeable sources.

    FDA Pizza sauce standards allow for 30 fly eggs per 100 grams of product. The cost of fly egg and maggot analysis to the makers of pizza sauce is prohibitive and a worry for many conservatives that bugle the struggles of job creation under jack booted FDA constraints. It is time to let go of these standards.

    Other countries, like Mexico and China, don’t have job killing standards for vanilla extract, picante sauce or ‘ditch oils’ used in restaurants. While many decry the high occurrence of so called carcinogens in reused fryer oils, minimal standards open the potential for lower cost food sources for working classes. Lower standards also effectively remove the weaker members from the labor herd and actually strengthen the potential workforce with a supply side dynamic. This is the singular natural selection process that puts the ‘win’ into Darwinian Theory. Citizens that have been acclimated to the natural occurrence of frog parts, rodent dung and fly wings in their daily diet can afford a lower wage because the definition of ‘food grade’ means lower food pricing and more exotic protein choices like maggots or insect parts.

    For many, the idea of eliminating food standards is upsetting. Due to the entitlement culture of liberal Americans, ‘only the best and safest’ must be served to them on silver platters forged in the halls of congress. Food standards are a costly house of rodent droppings that cannot continue. Taxpayers cannot support the paper pushing standards and investigations required to keep food at a purity level to support the wimpificaton of the American populace. It is time for some tough love. Real Americans must show some support for freedom.

    Immediate Benefits of Eliminating Food Standards

    Healthcare Jobs

    One benefit from abruptly eliminating food standards is job growth. Foodborne illness in the United States is a $152 billion industry of loving and caring professionals. Under the current iron hand of government regulation only a mere 76 million Americans will fall ill. Approximately 325,000 Americans will be hospitalized each year due to illness from tainted food sources. The more severe the outbreak means more urgent the demand for jobs in the health fields. With only 0.4% of the affected population requiring hospitalization, clearly deregulation holds the key to untapped job growth in the health care sector.

    An End to Obesity


    For world travelers or even the travel channel addicted couch potato, there is no denying that countries with lower or nonexistent food safety standards have a thinner population. The duality of food safety insecurity and polluted water sources are lock and key solutions to a svelter workforce. Liberals can tout anti-obesity campaigns, but like all social ills obesity is best resolved by the free unfettered market. While in the long run occurrences of diabetes and obesity related illness may decline, the rise in complications from Escherichia coli and parasitic infection will be a boon to healthcare workers and exceed any diabetes related job losses.

    The social impact of eliminating food safety codes will also yield unexpected liberal cause benefits to women’s liberation and green economics. Less weight on the American frame means women are more likely to marry and stay married since weight gain will be a thing of the past. A trimmer populace also means a more refined carbon footprint, since less mass means better gas millage and less food shipping.

    Smarter Kids

    Nearly 60% of US consumed apple juice is from Chinese grown apples. Due to years of careful soil management, arsenic is leached into the tree and is included as an additional ‘organic arsenic’ nutrient in the American juice box. While no studies have been declassified to confirm the correlation, some assert the Asian proclivity for mathematics is tied to ‘organic arsenic’ in apple juice consumed by many Chinese school children.

    Since the ‘organic arsenic’ nutrient also appears in peach pits grown in Georgia, this could explain the recent higher standardized test scores found in Atlanta schools. While liberals use these higher test scores to defraud high performing educators as cheaters, one cannot deny the link between Asian arsenic and improved arithmetic performance.


    Rebalancing the Labor Supply


    Because approximately 5,000 people die from foodborne illness, the funeral industry and society as a whole benefit from early internment at a time when markets are soft and return on investment is low. Illness and death of the entitlement elderly or young and vulnerable means the survivors can go to work at a higher wage because the supply of labor has been diminished. It is no wonder Unions are funding the continued food safety lies. When labor is in demand, unions lose their allure as well as membership ranks.


    A Secure Border of Food Safety Insecurity


    For anyone visiting Mexico or a country with lower food standards, the gastric adjustment to new cultural food ways can be an exciting unplanned adventure. For those seeking the welcoming hearth of an American homestead, a debilitating case of the schitz weasels or parasitic infestation can sour any thoughts of citizenship or extension of a student visa. This has worked well in Mexico, since few Americans have ever applied for citizenschitz status in Mexico. Americans must shift their thinking away from food safety as a welcome mat of patriotic hospitality.

    America needs to be a country of broad shoulders and strong gastric constitutions where immigrants are expected to hold their own and survive. We must lead by example by building a cost effective wall of food safety insecurity. This means US standards must be lower than those in Mexico. Since there are no food standards in Mexico, it will be up to business owners and the market to fill this need and avert a national illegal immigration crisis with contaminates like bovine feces in hamburger sprinkled with tasty morsels of Escherichia coli.

    Of course there will be some fallout from the elimination of food safety rules. Whimpers, moans, painful colic and possible involuntary release of bodily colonic wastes are to be expected as the liberal elite begin their great exodus to the socialist utopia led by the food security fascists of Canada.

    The voices of rebuke will be drowned out by the remaining Christian nation, strong in its reserve and mindful that the Lord’s prayer does not call the faithful to ask Him to “give us this day our daily breadonly if it is made from wheat with less than 32 insect damaged kernels per 100 grams and 9 mg or less rodent excreta pellets and/or pellet fragments per kilogram. We are Christian Americans and have faith that our piety and resolve will protect us from the truly dangerous impurities of liberal government overreach and food safety standards.


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    About The Author
    Blanche Beecham "Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM

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