• How To Stop Your Child From Becoming Atheist (A Step-By-Step Guide For Desperate Parents)

    October 24, 2011 8:20 pm 30 comments

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    Author:

    CapnNiamhy

    1) Do not educate them at all, or expose them to critical thinking, logic or science.

    2) Lie to them constantly about how the world works. Feed them a steady diet of shite dressed up as knowledge, and pretend that it’s deep wisdom.

    3) Make them loathe their own natural bodies and functions. Convince them that they are small and weak and worthless and need redemption. Tell them that everything enjoyable is grievously wrong to even be thought about, and that their only fun should be grovelling to an invisible friend.

    4) Ensure that they resent anyone who is unlike them in any way – skin colour, nationality, political opinion, but especially creed. Make such people out to be evil and vile and give them the fictional ability to somehow oppress the vast majority that do think like you.

    5) Teach them to laugh at and dismiss any hand of faith but their own. Make sure they are taught the difference between superstitious deadly error (that one raving lunatic in a desert told the truth of a vicious God that killed people) and divine eternal truth (that another raving lunatic in a desert told the truth of a vicious God that killed people.)

    6) Instruct with all severity and import never to question for themselves. Never to think for themselves, never to live for themselves, but to seek answers from just one particular set of semi-literate Bronze Age folk tales.

    7) Above all, and this cannot be over-emphasized, make sure that they cannot spell correctly, cannot use correct grammar, or understand basic English words.

    Now, this is most definitely a serious article. All you silly, not-really-real Christians (who are really just normal, probably chavvy kids, using God’s name to big themselves up) can go teach your kids how to be as ignorant as their Mummy and Daddy. That is of course, if they are still in contact.

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    CapnNiamhy

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