• Is a Christian Man Allowed to Touch His Wife’s Milksacs?

    October 26, 2011 1:41 pm 30 comments
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  • Today a very stressful encounter occurred for me. My wife, Christina, appeared to me without a dress to shield her milksacs. She told me that I was a very lucky Man because today was the day that she’d let me caress them. They were gross and ugly, though. They looked sinful, and I felt guilty having looked at them. I told her that I couldn’t because the only milksacs I’d ever want to feel would be Jesus’s. She then accused me of being a homogay.

    It’s a hard world for good, White, Heterosexual Christian Men. It seems that nowadays everyone is either an atheist or a jew and nobody is White anymore. Heterosexual values are shunned and women and lesbians and bisexuals and transgenders and homogays are the only respected genders, while Men are treated like fools. As a Good, Christian, Hard-Working, Moral Man, I believe that milksacs are the workings of satan and only women should have to feel the shameful baggage that has been placed upon them for their inherent sins.

    I have decided to reprimand my satanic wife. She is trying to fool me, but I am Man, reigning supreme. The milksacs of Jesus and Glenn Beck are the only pure ones because they are the only two people on earth who have never sinned. Even I have sinned. I admit once, during college, a Man approached me one day in the Men’s section of Bath and Body Works and kissed me, and it was an indescribable event. I am embarrassed by this, but I know that Jesus can forgive me, because that was one time, while milksacs are eternal. Always remember that you have a piece of satan on you, and no matter what the “scientists” tell you, never flaunt these sinbags or allow anyone else to compliment them. To conclude, a Christian Man is not allowed to touch his wife’s milksacs, because when you touch them, you’re actually feeling the texture of satan.

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    About The Author
    Christopher Christenson Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.

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