Is a Christian Man Allowed to Touch His Wife’s Milksacs?
Today a very stressful encounter occurred for me. My wife, Christina, appeared to me without a dress to shield her milksacs. She told me that I was a very lucky Man because today was the day that she’d let me caress them. They were gross and ugly, though. They looked sinful, and I felt guilty having looked at them. I told her that I couldn’t because the only milksacs I’d ever want to feel would be Jesus’s. She then accused me of being a homogay.
It’s a hard world for good, White, Heterosexual Christian Men. It seems that nowadays everyone is either an atheist or a jew and nobody is White anymore. Heterosexual values are shunned and women and lesbians and bisexuals and transgenders and homogays are the only respected genders, while Men are treated like fools. As a Good, Christian, Hard-Working, Moral Man, I believe that milksacs are the workings of satan and only women should have to feel the shameful baggage that has been placed upon them for their inherent sins.
I have decided to reprimand my satanic wife. She is trying to fool me, but I am Man, reigning supreme. The milksacs of Jesus and Glenn Beck are the only pure ones because they are the only two people on earth who have never sinned. Even I have sinned. I admit once, during college, a Man approached me one day in the Men’s section of Bath and Body Works and kissed me, and it was an indescribable event. I am embarrassed by this, but I know that Jesus can forgive me, because that was one time, while milksacs are eternal. Always remember that you have a piece of satan on you, and no matter what the “scientists” tell you, never flaunt these sinbags or allow anyone else to compliment them. To conclude, a Christian Man is not allowed to touch his wife’s milksacs, because when you touch them, you’re actually feeling the texture of satan.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Christopher Christenson
Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.
2:41 pm
Daniel Tosh, I love your new website!!!! Titties!!!!
Praise or Condemn:
5 
0
3:21 pm
Why would a grown man want too? They are for feeding infants.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
7
3:49 pm
No need for the extra “o” in to, Dracula.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
3:58 pm
Because you have nothing intelligent to say. Also, thanks for the donation.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
6
4:36 pm
Auggie, whaddya say we take over where we left off last night, eh? I don’t know about you but I’m getting pretty HOT thinking about it!
Praise or Condemn:
5 
0
4:38 pm
You want to text each other about the tax implications of extending our college outreach?
Praise or Condemn:
2 
5
10:04 pm
Agreed, and even so, I question the morality of feeding the babies with the milk, seeing as it is the milk of satan, proven by the fact that n****es are red and red is satan’s favorite color.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
5
10:18 pm
What are you talking about? I don’t understand your sentence “…seeing as it is the milk of satan, proven by the fact that n****es are red…” What is a n****es? It makes no sense. Please write out non-curse words so that the rest of us can understand your wacky lingo.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
2
11:25 pm
N*pp*es. It’s a very shameful word.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
3
11:34 pm
So, you don’t have nipples, you have n*****s? Well, you have obviously never had sex. Or gone to school for that matter. Or had any formal education of any kind. Thank you for proving just how absolutely daft you really are.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
4:22 pm
Chris, if you would like, I’ll cover your wife’s milksacs personally so you won’t be distracted by them while procreating
Praise or Condemn:
6 
0
10:02 pm
Threesomes make Jesus cry. My wife and I wear our clothes while reproducing because God cringes at the naked body.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
4
9:21 pm
In the beginning we were naked.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
4:50 pm
SO, what is wrong with being Jewish anyway? So we came before you, and if not for us, your religion wouldn’t exist. I see nothing wrong with being Jewish. Also, there are more Caucasians in the world than you think, idiot.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
1
10:00 pm
Jewish people have shunned the greatest and most beautiful Man to ever exist, JESUS CHRIST. That’s a fundamental mistake and for that we do not consider them to be Good, White, Heterosexual Men.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
5
10:10 pm
You know he was an olive skinned Jewish man. Also the son of a carpenter. Also, some of the most brilliant minds in the world were and are Jewish. Many of the electronic breakthroughs in the last 100 years have been made by Israelis, a.k.a. Jews. Additionally, we do not shun Jesus, we just don’t believe he was a great guy, and also he was believed to have been a false prophet, and a sorcerer. With those thoughts, he should have been put to death immediately by the Beit Din, the Jewish Court, for being a false prophet and a sorcerer. So, therefore, your entire point, and your response to me, is invalid, and proves just how stupid you truly are.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
2
11:29 pm
Jesus is God. The most incredible, desirable, swoonworthy, magical Man of all time. Your point is invalid.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
3
11:35 pm
Whoa, so you are saying that G-d, your big imaginary man in the sky, is actually a Jewish guy who lived in Israel? Wow, you really are a heretic. Good to know.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
2
9:06 am
So Damien, you type ‘G-d’ but you believe he is a big imaginary man in the sky? Why don’t you type out god if you don’t believe in him?
Praise or Condemn:
2 
2
11:31 am
I never said I don’t believe in her. I just said that Christopher’s idea of G-d, his big imaginary man in the sky, wasn’t real. Also, I type it like that since I am Jewish, and even if I don’t believe in G-d, it is still one of the first commandments not to take G-d’s name in vane.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
5:12 pm
Chris, you sound like a strong upstanding man. The world needs more real men like you!
Praise or Condemn:
1 
8
9:58 pm
Thank you Tom, you sound like a good lover of Christ yourself.
<3
Praise or Condemn:
1 
6
9:39 pm
“It seems that nowadays everyone is either an atheist or a jew and nobody is White anymore”
huh find the error and you win a cookie ? Seriously there is a lot of jewish white people and atheist white people its doenst actually change anything
Heterosexual values are shunned and women and lesbians and bisexuals and transgenders and homogays are the only respected genders
2 gender 1. Male 2. female
it’s easy no
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
10:14 pm
He is too stupid to read it. I’m kinda surprised he was able to write what he did. Probably had his secretary write it for him, then he just put his name on it like a typical asshole would.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
11:30 pm
Meanie.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
4
11:36 pm
Grow up, 2nd grader.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
9:13 pm
I just made a t shirt that says “I’m straight”
Cities are full of homogays and homojews. It is very important for women to know that I don’t want to listen to you bla bla bla for 20 minutes about something pointless.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
3
10:04 pm
What the eff is a “homojew?” And what does it have to do with anything?
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
4:47 pm
Your wives breasts and nipples were created by God for your pleasure of looking at. If you turn away from them then she is right you are gay.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
0
7:44 pm
EXCUSE ME?! WE’RE SINFUL?
WE’LL TAKE WHAT GOD GAVE US THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1