• Is Your Teenaged Daughter Suffering from Andy Biersack Obsession Disorder?

    October 9, 2011 8:04 pm 1,268 comments
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  • In 2010 alone, the Centers for Disease Control reported a startling new trend in increasing STD disease precipitated by a dangerous new game being played in the nation’s high-schools and colleges. The Bubonic Touch, a game where eager young women are purportedly first plied with alcohol and then touched with diseased phalluses, is part of a new rites of passage for female fans of a band named the Black Veiled Brides.  After going through the rigorous game, the girl is dubbed a “Black Veiled Bride”, a name showing she’s worthy of partaking in a dangerous new cult/sorority calling itself the Black Veiled Bride Army.

    ADHD parent image
    You cannot sit around blaming yourself if your child is suffering from ABOD. Quick, decisive action is needed.

    ABOD, short for Andy Biersack Obsession Syndrome, is an increasingly common chronic disorder of childhood, now affecting a startling 13 – 17% of female children aged 18 – 23 years old.  Males in this demographic typically report as homosexual and are included in the female number.

    The condition is technically more common in young women than in boys, by a ratio of 3:1.

    ABOD often starts manifesting in mid-childhood, during the rebellious 13 – 18 years of age span.  The characteristics of young women suffering from Andy Biersack Obsession Disorder are nearly universal, indicative of the ‘hivemind’ and simple nature of people receptive to a new type of talentless music called screamo punk.

    Despite protests to the contrary, children suffering from ABOD are not independent and cannot think for themselves.  Their obsessive nature forces them to cling and identify with a a very dangerous cult that will ruin their lives and leave them diseased, pregant, jobless and most terrifying for a parent, dead in mind, body and soul.  Many people suffering from ABOD are little brain damaged, abortion-toking harlots, their music tastes a causal hindering factor of cognitive ability.

    ABOD is also marked by increased inattention, promiscuity, addiction to facial make-up and black clothing.  These external behavioral and fashion issues will be accented with increased hyperactivity and spastic nature, likely due to the incredible amount of alcohol and drugs common for those who suffer from ABOD.

    Much like alcoholism, ABOD is not present at birth.  Much like one is not born a degenerate drunk sot, one is not born a promiscuous young women who listens to bad music, has no morals and is obsessed with the lead singer of a rising cult.  The lifestyle leads to inescapable disease and if you’re noticing strange behavior from your daughter or potentially homsexual son, it is prudent to act quickly and see if she can be diagnosed with this strange disorder.

    ABOD: What Are The Symptoms?

    ABOD sufferers are usually tough to handle.  Parents with children who self-identify as BVBarmy will usually complain of their kids being detached and absent-minded, almost like a veil of deception has been pulled over their child’s eye.  The name of the band is ironic in a way, for it shows the hand of Satan clouds the mind of the children tricked into this lifestyle.

    Children who are fans of Black Veiled Brides will have lower grades and usually they will be socially awkward, especially at school or in public.  This causes them to get into frequent trouble and to be teased by their normal peers.  Due to their low self-esteem and problems with addiction, they have trouble controlling their behavior and making good life decisions.

    The following six point primer will help you discern if your child has been inducted into the Black Veiled Bride army.  Remember, to join the BVBarmy the young women must do very morally questionable things and this primer is bust conducted by men, as they will be less faint of heart when the truth is revealed.

    Legs trussed up in shiny black Corinthian leathers, women inducted into the Black Veiled Brides army are usually not innocent and lost.  They clamor about for attention in outlandish outfits, hoping to score opportunities with young men that will fill the empty void in their life left behind by daddy issues and peer pressure.  The hands of BVBarmy girls may be secretly mangy from kinky rituals, so handle your daughter with care and sterilize your home if you suspect she suffers from ABOD.  Immediate medical and psychological attention is necessary.

    Is My Child Suffering from ABOD Disorder?  A 5 Question Guide for Concerned Parents

    Melanie Sixx, a former priestess in the BVB army was able to conceal her secret identity from her parents, on Facebook. Melanie confesses to ‘earning’ her last name of Sixx in 2008 and was earning the final ‘x’ of Sixx_ on her way to triumvirate priestess status. Fortunately, Melanies parents discovered her secret in 2010 and were able to get her counseling before the final Black Veiled Bride high priestess rites ceremony, held annually outside Tijuana, Mexico.

    1.  Unusual Facebook Manifestations

    Facebook is a very useful tool for spying on your child.  If your child has denied your friend request on the social network, odds are they want to hide some salacious scandal from your authority over them.  Red flags should immediately go up and you must do anything possible to gain access to this vital parenting tool.

    To hack into your child’s Facebook, either pay off one of their friends to view through their profile, or simply turn on ‘cookies and form history’ on your IE6 tools browser options.  You will eventually catch their profile logged in and you can spy away.

    There are certain things you must look for to know if your daughter, or son, is suffering from ABOD.  First, women possessed by a demon or have gone through the Bubonic Touch ritual change their names.  The majority will rename themselves something like Amy Emosecksual Star Six, or Nellie6.  The sixes in their name stand for the number of Satan.

    When three women who are priestesses in the cult, called Mistress Black Veiled Brides, gather together they form a 6-6-6-.  The three together are culled an Unholy Triumvirate in the cult and you can only imagine the lustful, drunken nights of sweaty 3rd-world passion they must endure to earn three X’s in their new last name.

    Many parents of heard of ‘donkey shows’ in Tijuana.  They are bizarre festivals full of drug-fueled Mexican midgets and viagra-infused donkeys, all while onlookers are shocked to see ‘demented’ American-looking girls on the receiving end of all debauchery for the night.  The women involved are the very revered high priestesses of the BVB army, the diseased Triumvirate Priestess.

    If you see a weird picture of your daughter holding knives in various poses, while dressed in black or mad streaks of unprofessional looking makeup, odds are she is in this cult and is working on earning ‘x’s’ in her last name.  If this describes your daughter, immediately have her screened for drugs and psychological issues, while having your primary care doctor start her on wide spectrum antibiotic for UTI and oral thrush.

    2.  Change in Health

    The most daunting aspect of ABOD are the associated health issues.  It will break the heart of any good father or mother to know this, but the correlation between listening to Black Veiled Brides music and STD infection rate is uniformly high.  The more a young woman listens to BVB, the more promiscuous and naughty she will become.

    This has to do with the peer pressure aspect of the cult and the poor judgement choices of its typical membership.  Your daughter will start showing sores around her mouth, due to the herpes simplex virus that is very prevalent in this community.  The blisters are from oral reports that take place at BVB devil concerts and in your local mall, school and even backyard.


    Note that in the first four Bush years, the rate of STD dropped under the powerful leadership of a Godly leader.  As his presidency waned and Obama’s name and power became known, look at how the influence of ravers and bands like BVB cause the amount of fornication and STD to suddenly increase.  BVB ticket sales peaked in 2009.

    If that’s not scary enough, earlier we gently introduced you to the induction ceremony for obtaining membership in the Black Veiled Bride Army.  The name has to do with the occult and Wiccan vampirism.  All members must pledge their soul to Satan and their mascots are a band of the same name, the Black Veiled Brides.  The Minister of Music in their organization that they exalt is Andy Biersack, a man boy of unusual vocal ranges and makeup penchant.

    To become a standard member of the BVB army is to sell one’s soul to Satan.  To do this, the women throw “Bubonic Touch” parties, where they invite wild fraternity boys and strip down to stark pertness and allow the LSD-spritzed alcohol at these events to loosen their morals and sinholes.

    Due to the amount of alcohol consumed, you will notice your daughter grows a beer gut and looks pale.  Most BVB army members are a bit flabby and out of shape in the belly, but otherwise normal looking.  A Bubonic touch is performed when all fraternity boys known to carry an STD stock up on viagra to become engorged with sin.  They then put their bared flesh in the woman’s sinclench once.  If the woman can let 20 men do this while chanting emo song lyrics, she is allowed within the BVB army.

    Due to this ceremony, the best way to know if your daughter is a part is to force her to submit to an STD check.  If she has even a urinary tract infection, odds are with other markers like Facebook warning signs and fashion, she is guilty as charged.

    3.  Use of Acronyms

    P.L.U.R.  What is it?  This is an acronym you probably saw on your daughter’s wall when you sneaked onto her Facebook.  It means Phallic Lunging Until Release.  When a woman goes to a rave fest and says there was plenty of PLUR there, it means she fornicated with as many boys possible to increase her rank in the BVB army.  In this cult, the more public acts of fornication performed, the higher the rank.

    Here are other essential acronyms you must look out for:

    • BVBA – Blacked Veiled Bride Army, the musical ‘gods’ this fangirls worship.
    • L.O.L. – Laughs out loud, a term used in their conversation to indicate humor or deception.most
    • P.A.T.G. – Performed a Throbbing Grissle.  Allowed a drug-fueled maniac to ravage her body for rank.
    • MCRW – My Chemical Romance is an equally dangerous cult.  My Chemical Romance Wars are physical fights that take place between these two factions, the losing side oft forced to succumb to the  lustiest whims and artificially enhanced bared thrusts from the other side.
    • BIOYIOB – Blow it Out Your In Out Port.  Our college interns are still researching, but it either has double entendre or is the equivalent of BYOB we know from more respectful college parties.  Kids today need ‘In-Out’ ports due to sneaking IVs to parties to shoot up on mind-altering drugs that lead to fornication.

    4.  Poor Choice in Demon-Sounding Music

    WARNING:  The following section contains mind-altering music from five effeminate men known as the Black Veiled Brides.  Please immediately pray and demand the feeble-minded, your wife and children, to immediately leave the room as the Satanic lyrics in the music can alter their minds and quickly turn them into brainwashed fornicators.

    In this band, the Andy Biersack leads his band in a confessional. The opening lyrics say, “We are the fallen angels.” Just as it says in your Bible, the first fallen angel was none other than Lucifer himself. These 5 young men are confessing to being the followers of Satan.

    Listen to the big, rich voice of Andy Biersack, emitting a powerful, spine-tingling voice far beyond what a boy of his smallish frame and demeanor should be capable of having. His voice packs the energy of Metallica’s lead singer and the wild range and pure, sensual passion of none other than Freddie Mercury combined with George Michael. This is truly an evil sound and one must ask, what would possess innocent girls to listen to such things.

    The siren in this case is Satan: shimmering like a odd mermaid of lore, baiting the children to his rocky shores of damnation as they float through the seas of temptation. If you find any music marked “Black Veiled Brides’ on your daughter’s MP3 player or computer, burn the device and sit her down for a talk. Ask the hard questions and expect lies in return. “Are you fornicating?” “Are you doing drugs” “Do you speak to demons and enjoy their music?” The little tramp will say no each time, but again remember, she may be under the influence of dark forces. Immediately have her counseled by a proper psychologist.

    5. Eye-makeup and Clothing
    In the world of Hollywood, there is a series of movies about a man named Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Dr. Lecter is a psychotic, yet brilliant, man who has an appetite for human flesh. His taste for flesh is only matched by the lapping tongue of Satan, who constantly craves to taste the firm innocent of your college aged daughter.

    In this movie series, there is a film named Red Dragon. Let’s watch the revealing scene for this movie. Not to spoil the film, but the movie follows a man whose mind has become deranged after attending too many raves. He also believes he is ‘a fallen angel’, the Red Dragon.

    This scene is absolutely terrifying, but know that your daughters are doing far worse at Black Veiled Bride concerts. They are being tatooed with sin as men performing throbbing gristles on their puckered bodies, each diseased horndog bringing your precious little angel closer and closer to membership in this bizarre cult.

    Supplemental Media: Is Your Daughter Updating YouTube with Fan Videos?

    Once accepted, members of the BVB army forgo proper clothing and steal to Hot Topic, dressing essentially like Twilight goths but with worse makeup and more exaggerated hair bangs. They tend to not wear as many spikes as their gothic counterparts as they are more interested in ritual knives for the rites ceremonies.

    This quick primer today is a startling revelation to many of you. It’s terrifying to know that your daughter can be playing into this cult, right from the confines of your home. Every little ‘beep’ from the computer may be a communique with a fellow priestess or eager college boy, waiting to attend the next BVB rave where all senses of decency are lost in a thick field of perversion

    We’ve seen the stats and the facts. It is now up to you, parents, to take a strong stand and order your daughter to never listen to the Black Veiled Brides or join their cult army. If your daughter is already on the path to destruction, she will naturally cry and protest against your authority. Laugh in her face, swat her backside and send her to her room.

    You must run a tight ship with females and this is especially true when they get into college. They know no better for themselves and after hearing your threat, “I’ll cut you off financially and you’ll have to drop out and be a street hussy”, she will stop her haughty attitude. BVBarmy fans are usually dependent on families or a young husband, so can be put to quick order if caught before full fledged ABOD syndrome sets in.

    If all other persuasions fail, call up several uncles or even the police to arrest your daughter and submit her to a psych ward. Heavily afflicted women with ABOD are taught to help; the amount of detox needed to clean their bodies and antibiotics to cure their disease is beyond the abilities of the home. Long term healthcare plans for life, sometimes requiring institutionalization, may be necessary. It is a tough choice to make, but any choice is better than allowing your daughter to listen to the Black Veiled Brides mindwashing music for one more day of her life.

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    About The Author
    Mike Watson Intrepid, bold and dashing, Mike Watson's investigative reporting prowess is only outdone by his burning desire to restore conservative values and morality to America. With a unique penchant for purity, Mike Watson's TV, Radio and writing inspire millions to know the truth behind American culture. Also on Facebook

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