Kelly Osbourne is the daughter of the Prince of Darkness, Ozzy Osbourne. Renown for biting the head off a bat, Ozzy’s eating habits were only outdone by his daughter who for years fought her personal Battle of the Bulge. And Kelly won, now looking like a petite Ozzy Osbourne, which by English standards, is fairly good and attractive.
But in her glorious time of having a fit body, Kelly Osbourne has made a campaign of diagnosing Christina Aguilera as fat. At Michael Jackson’s memorial in the UK last week, our reporters were absolutely horrified at the morbid Mexicans thighs and gutty midriff, looking like carne asada injected with the most stagnant of lard.
It almost looks like Aguilera and Osbourne have done a body swap. Lindsay Lohan should be involved in this somewhere, with her body-swapping experience from Freaky Friday. Or maybe it was just a crack-fueled night in Tijuana. It’s probably very tough for Lindsay Lohan to keep fact and fiction sorted her drug cheese mind.
Though Osbourne is looking better than Aguilera these days in terms of fitness, it’s important to remember to be nice. As any man over 35 can tell you, the day comes when the belly just starts to bulge. And when you’re looking more like Daddy than Mommy, odds are that the secret Y chromosome will start to manifest as belly fat.