• Shia LaBeouf Beating on Vancouver Street Proof of Organized Russian Yeti Bigfoot Attacks?

    October 19, 2011 7:46 am 29 comments

    Shia LaBeouf Beating on Vancouver Street by “Giant, Hairy” Man Really Proof of Russian Military Claims of Yeti DNA Experiments?

    This bizarre story starts in the cold, deathly regions of the Soviet Union.  Siberia, an arid and frigid region of Russia is so dismal that it was able to kill Nazis dead by just existing.  It is literally frozen hell on Earth and it’s within this region that last week, Russian war scientists ‘warned’ the world that they had isolated and captured the infamous Yeti, or Russian Bigfoot, a creature to date which was thought to be of folklore.

    When The Telegraph broke the story, most countries of the world were skeptical.  It was largely thought that Russia announced the Yeti finding to intimidate the world’s leaders to think they were doing genetic research on the Yeti, perhaps creating an army of super-soldiers.  Again, you may think I’m pulling a yarn but like always I deliver nothing but ice, cold hard facts and the liberal news corroborates my journalism.  The New York Times first reported “Russia’s Killer Apemen” evidence in 2006 and it looks like Stalin’s research is being reborn.

    Only days ago gentle actor Shia LeBeouf was savaged by a wild, hairy man with ‘a Russian accented growl and a wild beast’s predator gaze’.  Celebrity site TMZ managed to get footage of the Shia LaBeouf beating:

    I have to wonder if even Optimus Prime would have flinched after watching that beating. The man in the video moved way to fast for his size. Even when I revealed the power of God enabling me to lift a fridge, note that I was not that quick of foot. That man and I are of the same burly build and the moves of that man must be the work of Satan or the Soviets, which is synonymous.

    What I’m saying today friends is that the Soviets may very well have a live Yeti and are extracting its DNA with restriction enzymes such as EcoR1. They are using transcription techniques to meld the power and speed of a Yeti right into their soldiers. It’s looks like Captain America’s movie release is being followed up by Captain Communism and Canada is their testing waters.

    They targetted Shia LaBeouf, who starred in the biggest action movie of the year, to send a message to America. They are not playing Hollywood magic lights and mirrors. This is the real deal and America must be prepared to nuke Moscow. The Cold War II is brewing and as if China were not reason enough to worry, we now have the Soviets rising. Vladmir Putin is poised to become the President of the nation soon and he will be grandfathering communism back into the lives of every single commie in that nation. We must be prepared, my friends, lest 100s of these super-Russians enter this country and ravage us all, even your wife and children, just like what happened with this sad Shia LaBeouf beating on the Vancouver streets.

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    Abe If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack. Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!

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