Shia LaBeouf Beating on Vancouver Street Proof of Organized Russian Yeti Bigfoot Attacks?
Shia LaBeouf Beating on Vancouver Street by “Giant, Hairy” Man Really Proof of Russian Military Claims of Yeti DNA Experiments?
This bizarre story starts in the cold, deathly regions of the Soviet Union. Siberia, an arid and frigid region of Russia is so dismal that it was able to kill Nazis dead by just existing. It is literally frozen hell on Earth and it’s within this region that last week, Russian war scientists ‘warned’ the world that they had isolated and captured the infamous Yeti, or Russian Bigfoot, a creature to date which was thought to be of folklore.
When The Telegraph broke the story, most countries of the world were skeptical. It was largely thought that Russia announced the Yeti finding to intimidate the world’s leaders to think they were doing genetic research on the Yeti, perhaps creating an army of super-soldiers. Again, you may think I’m pulling a yarn but like always I deliver nothing but ice, cold hard facts and the liberal news corroborates my journalism. The New York Times first reported “Russia’s Killer Apemen” evidence in 2006 and it looks like Stalin’s research is being reborn.
Only days ago gentle actor Shia LeBeouf was savaged by a wild, hairy man with ‘a Russian accented growl and a wild beast’s predator gaze’. Celebrity site TMZ managed to get footage of the Shia LaBeouf beating:
I have to wonder if even Optimus Prime would have flinched after watching that beating. The man in the video moved way to fast for his size. Even when I revealed the power of God enabling me to lift a fridge, note that I was not that quick of foot. That man and I are of the same burly build and the moves of that man must be the work of Satan or the Soviets, which is synonymous.
What I’m saying today friends is that the Soviets may very well have a live Yeti and are extracting its DNA with restriction enzymes such as EcoR1. They are using transcription techniques to meld the power and speed of a Yeti right into their soldiers. It’s looks like Captain America’s movie release is being followed up by Captain Communism and Canada is their testing waters.
They targetted Shia LaBeouf, who starred in the biggest action movie of the year, to send a message to America. They are not playing Hollywood magic lights and mirrors. This is the real deal and America must be prepared to nuke Moscow. The Cold War II is brewing and as if China were not reason enough to worry, we now have the Soviets rising. Vladmir Putin is poised to become the President of the nation soon and he will be grandfathering communism back into the lives of every single commie in that nation. We must be prepared, my friends, lest 100s of these super-Russians enter this country and ravage us all, even your wife and children, just like what happened with this sad Shia LaBeouf beating on the Vancouver streets.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
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8:15 am
“Russian yeti bigfoot attacks.”
That right there seriously just made my day. The title is almost as stupid as the article itself.
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8:38 am
What do you find so funny? I find this report to be frightening and plausible. You do know the Russian government only days ago confirmed they have captured a Yeti and are doing genetic experiments with it?
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11:39 am
‘Frightening and plausible’? Shows that you’ll believe anything a retard says. Oh, and just because someone says something, doesn’t mean that it’s true. Sometime ago, the Chinese were displaying to their public their advanced weaponry when it turns out they just edited the footage of ‘Top Gun’ to make it appear like a missile had struck a dummy.
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11:46 am
Thank you for pointing that out.
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4:03 pm
The story is true. Russia government states they have Yeti DNA. Stalin attempted to create ‘apemen’. Russia continued to do those experiments. Are you dumb, ignorant or just apathetic?
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6:09 pm
Can you please link some sources?
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6:10 pm
Other than the ones in the article? Something that is very reliable?
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6:30 pm
You kids need to get your own bing account. Here you go.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44867690?ocid=xnetr2-2
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6:35 pm
I still hesitate to believe this. I am a skeptic by nature. They need more concrete evidence.
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7:24 pm
Your very link even says that they’re a bit skeptic because people have said that they have seen the yeti before.
Jesus Christ, you do realize that science doesn’t work that way, right?
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7:23 pm
You liberals are lazy. This story was reported by every single news outlet. You would have to live under a rock or your mother’s dank basement to not hear of this story last week.
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7:26 pm
What, that LeBeouf got into a fight or that it’s somehow proof that Russia has Yeti DNA? I don’t doubt that LeBeouf got into a fight, nor do I really care, but I do doubt is that it somehow ties into a conspiracy theory about Russia having Yeti hairs.
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7:45 pm
Did you not watch the documentary? Russia has been experimenting with “Ape Men” since the time of Stalin? This was a big story back in 2006. The story is not the Yeti exists, but moreso Russia has done genetic experiments to create essentially a very muscular primate with intelligence enough to attack an enemy on command.
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11:28 am
We must exploit our own science to counter this threat. There cannot be a Big Foot gap.
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2:58 pm
and you are a paranoid jackass paranoia was the downgfall of every great countries in history
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5:19 pm
That, right there at the top, is a picture of Sabertooth from X-Men. Since that is false, I can only assume that the rest of your article is false as well. Thank you, have a good evening.
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7:24 pm
I would have nuked Tokyo and Moskow if I were Harry Truman. It would have solved so many problems.
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7:26 pm
You would’ve nuked everything you sick fuck, go back to rooting for wife-beaters.
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7:32 pm
I would never do such things. I would not nuke America, for instance. On subject, what I’m saying is that since we only had two working nukes deployed at the time, it would have been more prudent to use the smaller nuke to destroy Toyko and the bigger nuke to wipe out Moscow.
It would have let the US claim all of Germany, caused the Japanese to immediately surrender and be knocked into 3rd world status, given us a stronger hold in Europe and Asia (preventing future Asian conflicts and China’s growth) and most importantly, again with Asia, destroyed the USSR.
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7:38 pm
Ok, you’d nuke everything OTHER than America you sick fuck. There, better? And why the fuck would we attack Russia? At the time when we showed up, Hitler decided to give Russia the middle finger and Russia cut their alliance off, and the Japanese already surrendered after the bombings in the first place, and because certain people were in Tokyo in the first place, it’s quite possible that you would’ve caused the war to stretch out even further with even more causalities. And how the hell could we have claimed all of Germany? Oh, and without China’s growth, we wouldn’t have half the products we use on a day-to-day basis you fucking ignorant, rotten little shit.
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7:42 pm
Because Russia made an agreement with the Nazis. Cannot trust them and they proved that fact. If we did not catch them sneaking missles into Cuba, they would have wiped us out and carried out Hitler’s plans. Let’s not forget, Hitler was just Stalin light.
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7:51 pm
Uh, Stalin didn’t massacre his own people just because he was jealous of their success. And even though they were on his side, they left by the time we showed up. Can’t exactly attack them if they’re not on Hitler’s side. Hitler tried to backstab them, Russia gave Hitler the finger and dropped all support. Attacking Russia would have been foolish.
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7:55 pm
Russia claimed one part of Germany, we claimed the other. Pretty simple. If no Russia, America could have taken all of Germany.
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7:56 pm
But why bother taking over all of Germany to begin with?
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8:08 pm
To make sure the people there are safe and under good leadership. Did you know there used to be a wall in Germany?
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8:17 pm
It’s not our business to rule over a country that already had a system of government instated.
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8:24 pm
I do not recognize the Nazi party and their policies as a good system of government.
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8:30 pm
Never said it was a good system, but it was still a system. They learned their mistakes and moved on.
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12:53 am
What i do not realize is in fact how you’re not actually much more neatly-favored than you may be right now. You are so intelligent. You already know thus significantly on the subject of this topic, made me personally imagine it from numerous numerous angles. Its like women and men are not involved until it’s one thing to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs great. All the time take care of it up!
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