• Steve Wozniak’s Ghost can finally Rest In Peace because Satan has Downloaded Steve Jobs Soul to Hell

    October 6, 2011 6:51 am 58 comments

    It is never fun or enjoyable to have to report on someone’s early demise, but this is possibly the closest I have ever gotten in my years of writing Obituaries. God has given vengeance to a man whose work was stolen from him, and has taking away the true power behind the Communist Asians of Japan and China. Steve Jobs passed away earlier, and hardly anybody actually cared. It was not a National or International News Story (FOX News barely mentioned it).

    Here is some history behind this man’s life and the Treason to America that caused God to smite him:

    He actually worked for Hewlett-Packard before College, obviously because he knew that computers built by Americans using an American operating system would rule the World, yet…

    He attended a sub-par college in a Hippie town called Portland, Oregon. Oregon is considered a “Liberal” state, but other than Portland, every person in that State votes Republican. Here is where we see his downward spiral start.

    After dropping out of Reed College after one Semester, he lived on a friend’s floor and returned bottles and cans for a living (What a Socialist Hippie).

    He became a Hare Krishna soon after this. Hare Krishna’s are a cult, and almost as annoying as Jehovah’s Witnesses or Jews. This is strike two against him in God’s eyes.

    During this time, Jobs experimented with psychedelics, calling his LSD experiences “one of the two or three most important things [he had] done in [his] life”. Now he is a drug addict as well??? Strike three!!! Normally you would be called “Out” after three strikes, but God is forgiving and patient.

    Once he returned from his foray into the world of the Hare Krishna and drugs, he met Steve Wozniak. Wozniak is best known for being one of the only White men to ever serve a Prison sentence. He went to prison for hacking into Ronald Reagan’s personal e-mails and his MySpace page (I will write another article about him in the future, needless to say, he basically created Reddit and 4Chan porn sites for children).

    In 1976, Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak and Ronald Wayne with later funding from a then-semi-retired Intel product-marketing manager and engineer A.C. “Mike” Markkula Jr., founded Apple. In 1983, Steve Jobs lured John Sculley away from Pepsi-Cola to serve as Apple’s CEO, asking, “Do you want to sell sugar water for the rest of your life, or do you want to come with me and change the world?” The following year, Apple aired a Super Bowl television commercial titled “1984″. At Apple’s annual shareholders meeting on January 24, 1984, an emotional Jobs introduced the Macintosh to a wildly enthusiastic audience; Andy Hertzfeld described the scene as “pandemonium”. The Macintosh became the first commercially successful small computer with a graphical user interface. The development of the Mac was started by Jef Raskin, and eventually taken over by Jobs.

    He was eventually fired from his job at Apple due to his incompetence and unreliability. He said “The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.”

    A few years later, he convinced the insane big eared Ross Perot to invest money in his failing company called “NeXT Computers”. This company was a failure as well, but Apple, Inc decided to buy them anyway. This turned out to be a smart move for them. NeXT Computers and Apple together created the Apple Store, MobileMe services, and the iTunes Store.

    Mr. Jobs then went on to use his millions to create an animation company known as “Pixar”. This company has been promoting the homogay/Communist agenda with their movies since they started in 1986, which was the reason Job’s was so interested. The first movie under his new regime was called “Toy Story”. This movie was about a young boy who fell in love with a Cowboy named “Woody”. How much gayer can a movie be? Even BareBack Mountain with Heath Slater and Walking Phoenix wasn’t as gay as this movie.

    In 1996, Jobs went back to Apple, crawling on his hands and knees begging for a job that he could make money at, and they accepted him back. It was at this point that his longtime friend and Co-Founder of Apple, Steve Wozniak was shanked in a Prison laundry room and killed, never able to collect his fair share of the profits. That is why Wozniak started haunting Jobs and causing him health problems.

    Jobs invented many “new” technologies, all of which were stolen from Microsoft’s Research and Development teams, but none of them were life changing or important. This is the reason I don’t understand people holding Steve Jobs up as a “god”.

    In 2003, Jobs decided that America wasn’t making him enough money and decided to branch out into Communist countries like Japan and China and France. 3/4 of the sales for Apple now come from Communist countries and most are their products are made there.

    Steve Jobs died on October 5th, 2011. He left behind a wife and a total of 4 children. He also left behind millions of socialist hipsters who are willing to pay WAY TOO MUCH for something just for the “Logo” on it, and has depressed millions of Linux users because now they can’t steal his “Code” and claim it as their own.

    I, for one, will not miss another Commie sympathizer, and hope that Apple stocks plummet and Microsoft gains the glory they deserve for being proper Capitalists.

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    About The Author
    Bruce Myron Danus Years of Mental Gymnastics, and lots of love from Jesus has made this man realize he was not "Born this Way", but instead chose to be a Homogay until he met God and realized God doesn't make mistakes like a homogay.

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