• The McRib is Back! Can it Bring Salvation to Your Non-Christian McFriends?

    October 24, 2011 6:07 pm 38 comments

    The elusive McRib sandwich is back nationwide in a limited appearance that ends Nov 14th. This is only the second time in almost seventeen years that this unique and tasty McDonald’s dish will be available at every location.
    The McRib consists of a ground pork patty, barbecue sauce, onions, and pickles served on a 6 inch roll. It is only sometimes available in the states as a menu item. It is available as a full time menu item only in Germany. The McRib is a healthier alternative than the Big Mac or Quarter pounder with cheese and has fewer calories and fat.

    How can I use a McDonald’s pork sandwich to witness to my unsaved friends?
    The power of pork is very misunderstood and underutilized by the evangelical community. Many great things come from pork; bacon, ham, ribs, and sausage to name a few. Pork was given to us as a wonderful gift by God; we must honor his gifts and not turn our back to them. Some evil people though have turned their back to this gift. Here is how you can lead them to the light.

    Muslims are very weak when their faith is tested. They usually just blow themselves up rather than listen to us preach the word to them. However, if you have Muslim co-workers or friends, serve them the McRib. They probably don’t know what it is anyway. After they have consumed one or more of these delicious sandwiches, sit them down, make sure they don’t have any backpacks or bulges under their clothes, and explain to them how they have violated Halal. Share with them how their faith now hates them and views them as unclean. Let them know you love them and your church allows you to eat this every day. If things are still rough, maybe show them a sports illustrated swimsuit issue and show them what a girls knees and lips look like. You are sure to have a convert immediately. Also, you have done a patriotic act by removing a terrorist from the world.

    The Jews are a very proud and strong people, they are also hard headed. They are so stubborn that they killed Jesus rather than accept Gods will. However you can use the mcrib to change that. Serve a free or heavily discounted dinner party. This will be sure to attract many Jewish people. Serve the delicious McRib sandwich to them. Because it McDonalds, heavily processed and covered in some sauce they will never suspect its pork. After consumption announce joyfully and with dance (they love that) what they have consumed and how it applies to Kashrut. Tell them it’s a gift from the baby Jesus and that they can have more if they convert. They will most likely want a financial incentive, so be ready with your knowledge of pork futures and McDonalds stock offerings.

    These are easily the easily the most weak minded here. Vegetarians are usually not vegetarian for any religious, moral or health concern. They do it to be counter-culture. They think not eating meat and owning an I-Pad will give them some kind of street cred they try so hard to appear like they don’t want. However what’s more exclusive than being a hipster? The McRib. Buy them one, buy them two. While you’re at it show them how much more computer they can get in a pc over an apple for the same price. Make sure to drive them in your car so they can feel the power of a real internal combustion engine and how your vehicle glides over speed bumps and has room to stretch your legs out.

    Act quickly my friends; you only have until Nov 14th.


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    About The Author
    Senator August Weisz Retired Hydroelectric Engineer. Now spend my time helping others who won’t help themselves. http://christwire.org/august-weisz-biography MA

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