• Top Five Weird Mormon Beliefs That Prove Mitt Romney Cannot be President

    October 8, 2011 2:15 pm 56 comments

    The Mormons are a people who claim to be Christians, but hide behind the fairy tales of a man with magical Golden Tablets and seer stones.  Today, my friends, our nation is in peril.  A billionaire named Mitt Romney is denying the fact he cannot be president of America.   Romney is spinning lies and trying to claim Mormons are Christians.  This is not true, for IT IS WRITTEN:

    1 John 4:1

    Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.

    Remember this truth:  there is a precedent for presidents.  One must be a Christian to be the first man of this nation.  Even the sable Moor respects this fact.  But Romney, he’s trying to badmouth Perry’s minister and claiming that Baptists are below the Mormons, when it is clearly vice-versa.

    Today, America, I present to you five simple truths which will prove once and for all that Mormons are weird non-Christians who cannot be presidents.   Their culture is as terrifying as the Chinese Hindus!  If you would not vote Emperor Mao into office, you have no business voting this foreign multiple-wife religion radical Romney into office!

    5.  Devil Oath Polygamy!

    Well, well, Mr. Mormon.  Did you think you could hide this one from us?  In the Book of Mormon, they believe in marriage a man has the right to dabble multiple wives!

    We can see on this Mormon cake, the proud groom is blaspheming marriage by taking three brides and one Mammy!  Don’t you dare call me racist because I’m just stating the facts, you jump hazard radical.  That black one on the cake cannot be a bride, because Mormons believe all blacks are cursed with the sins of Ham!

    They believe the black skin of blacks is caused by sin, when us Christians respect black and gave them freedom.  Even more, we have proven that Adam and Eve may have been born in the Garden of Eden.

    How can we rebuild our nation’s Christian duty to preserving traditional marriage if we have a five wife fornicator in the White House.

    If there is a Mormon president, how many first ladies does America have to put up with?  It sounds like a Ponzy scheme to me my friends.  This is just the tip of the iceberg waiting to rip through the hull of morality and sink the presidential institution.

    4.  Mandatory 10% Taxes

    Let us now read the from the Book of Mormon.  Romney believes that every American owes him 10% of your income!  Off the top, it’s not even tax.  It’s called compulsory tithing.  The head Mormon always requires his congregation to give him 10% of their money, or face damnation.  How else do you think Romney became a power billionaire?

    Look at this nonsense:

    D&C 119: 3-6
    3 And this shall be the beginning of the tithing of my people.
    4 And after that, those who have thus been tithed shall pay one-tenth of all their interest annually; and this shall be a standing law unto them forever, for my holy priesthood, saith the Lord.
    5 Verily I say unto you, it shall come to pass that all those who gather unto the land of Zion shall be tithed of their surplus properties, and shall observe this law, or they shall not be found worthy to abide among you.
    6 And I say unto you, if my people observe not this law, to keep it holy, and by this law sanctify the land of Zion unto me, that my statutes and my judgments may be kept thereon, that it may be most holy, behold, verily I say unto you, it shall not be a land of Zion unto you.

    Just like Muslims want Sharia law in our country, this Romney wants Tablet Rosa law in America. He wants us to all be charged 10%, a plan more ridiculous than Hermain Cain’s burnt crisp 999 plan.

    3. Destruction of Coffee Industry

    Imagine waking up without Folgers in your cup.  You go outside and little Apple fanboys are crying and droop-eyed, driving their Volkswagon Beetles into trees and college students not waking up on time, failing their tests.  Congratulations, you are living in Mormon world.

    Mormons hate coffee so much that they rule it illegal for all homes in their little godless communes. 

    These cultists believe that coffee and most medicines should not be given to anyone? Why does Romney have such a great, money-saving health plan for America?  Because he doesn’t believe we need any medicine!

    Who needs medicine when you have seer stones of fate.

    2. Mormons Believe Jesus Visited America

    Now do not get me wrong: America is God’s country. But no where in the Bible does it say Jesus was literally walking around in America, but yet Romney and his cronies will tell you otherwise. They believe Jesus was moving all around America, spending time with the Indians and leading the Mormons to the promised land. How can any of that be true when it is not mentioned in the Bible?

    1. Mormons Believe in the Multiverse Comic Book Lie

    The most telling aspect of Mormon faith being nothing more than a DC Comic book is their belief in the multiverse.  The Mormon multiverse concept was created in the 1950s by a ‘prophet’ named Marv Wolffman.  As if that name is not contrived enough, Marv went on to tell a story of where all the Mormon prophets got crazy fantastical powers such as flight, impossibly fast speeds and super-strength in their upper tier of Heaven, called Celestian Heaven.

    The stories were nothing more than a recruitment ploy to make children and the drug mind addled think that after they died, if they were faithful mormons they would get greatly awesome powers to rule mankind.  Mormons were simply trying to outdo the Bible’s true stories about angels.  Here is the proof from their Mormonbook:

    D&C 76: 24
    24 That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God.

    D&C 93: 10
    10 The worlds were made by him; men were made by him; all things were made by him, and through him, and of him.

    Moses 1: 33
    33 And worlds without number have I created; and I also created them for mine own purpose; and by the Son I created them, which is mine Only Begotten.

    D&C 76: 108
    108 Then shall he be crowned with the crown of his glory, to sit on the throne of his power to reign forever and ever.

    At this point, we can see Mormons are pretty ridiculous. Superhero powers when you die? Jesus throwing back a beer with the Indians and George W. Bush without report to anyone else?

    The problem with Mormonism is not that it’s a false religion, it’s that Mormons have to be delusinoal to hold on to their beliefs. My suspension of disbelief is clearly broken as much as yours when reading all these fairy tales. Perry needs to stick to his guns and continually remind everyone, a Mormon cannot be president. A Mormon must not become president.

    If we turn our back on morality right now, we will all pay dearly on Judgment Day.

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    About The Author
    Reverend Clyde H. Higgins You're all sinners in the hands of an angry God, a spider dangling over the burning flames of hell and only protected by one silk thread. God has scissors ready and hates those who spin webs of sin.

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