5 Reasons women Must Cover Their Legs with Ankle Length Skirts: A Manifesto Against Dandy Dukes
Warning! The following article possesses graphic depictions of the female body. I advise you to pray before reading and send all women and children out of the room. If this article provokes seizures or fainting from the horrors of the images you are about to see I will not pay for your health care for this because this isn’t socialist canada.
In the above picture, what you will see is two women pornographically displaying their legs. This is a new trend called “Shorty Shorts” or “Dandy Dukes” and is based off of a swimsuit style worn by the elderly homosexuals of Europe. First, I will bring you the history of these sinister costumes and then why it is your job as a Christian Man to prevent all women under your control from ever wearing them.
History
In 1980, Mr. Javier Speedo, a european homosexual invented the “speedo”, named after himself because homosexuals are inherently narcissists. The speedo quickly rose to fame among the overweight homosexual beach communities of Spain, Italy, French, Portugal, and Greece, coincidentally the european countries best known for having a bad economy, presumably because they are run by homosexuals who only know how to apply perfume and shop for designer purses, and that all wastes money. Nonetheless, the speedo took off with the adolescent female demographic as well. You’ve probably seen young ladies exercising in shorty shorts or mallhopping in dandy dukes. This trend was caused by American Apparel, a homosexual company founded by canadians focused on objectifying the body.
1: TRENDY AMONG HIPSTERSEXUALS
All hipstersexuals like homosexuals. It is a well-known fact. On the hipstersexual website Tumblr, you will find lots of pictures about homosexuality promoted by all of the little sinners. Your women are not hipstersexuals. A Good Christian frowns upon this lifestyle. Meanwhile, the hipstersexuals are afraid of looking like Moral citizens and so frown upon ladies covering their sin sticks.
2: The Guidosexual Imports From Italy Support this Lifestyle
As an Anglo-Saxon, it is your duty to not support the dirty italians. On the MTV sinfest Jersey Snore, the young ladies shame themselves by baring their legs with their dirty imported speedos. The shorty shorts represent the ladies’ desire for premarital sin-docking.
3: The Druggie Harlot Queen, Marylin Monroe Wore These
Marylin Monroe, best known for being the lead singer of the 80s band Blondy, had an inclination towards shorts like these. Marylin soon became a transsexual metal singer and was the precursor to Lady Gaygay, the little monster of h*ll. Marylin is respected among impressionable juvenile harlots everywhere for her drug abuse and whoreish tendencies which included baring her milksacs.
4: It’s homosexual european Roots
Europe, best known for being a notoriously liberal and poor but full of beaches land with billions of homosexuals and their allies, was the original birthplace of these sinister ensembles. Homosexuals are known for not being subtle about there hate for Jesus and express that as well by baring their legs.
5: Woman Have Weird Looking Legs
Woman have weird legs. Don’t believe me? Look at the Satan character in the feminazi show The Powerpuff Girls. There legs are identical. Men have Strong and Mighty legs, representing their Strong and Mighty Love for Jesus. Those with the biggest legs have the most love for Jesus and those with tiny legs are usually homosexuals. Don’t believe me? Look at the homosexual twigs of hollywood. Tom Cruise, Neil Patrick Harris, that kid from GLEE, etc. They have legs like woman. Likewise, woman, who are usually athiest because of their temptation from Stan which is also why they’re always attracted to bad boys. Do the math, Gentlemen, woman’s legs are evils that must be hidden from the rest of the world.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Christopher Christenson
Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.
10:08 pm
Dear gods above and below. All I can say for this stupidity is “wow”.
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10:16 pm
Women have weird looking legs? Wow. This article is crap. But hot girls though.
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12:42 am
I love a woman who is confident in her body, but hate it when they are slutty about it.
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12:52 am
Showing off sin treats in such a whorish way makes me want to vomit!
Hot debate. What do you think?
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9:21 pm
Skin is a sin please rip yours off before you go to HELL!!!!
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1:15 am
We all kinda guessed that you would.
(yes, a gay joke.)
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1:16 am
^^^^reply for Tyson bowers
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9:51 am
Seeing as women have the same basic anatomy as other women, why must women leave the room?
“This is a new trend called “Shorty Shorts” or “Dandy Dukes” and is based off of a swimsuit style worn by the elderly homosexuals of Europe.”
Actually, They are Daisy Dukes, you know, the chick from Dukes of Hazzard? Not the Jessica Simpson one, the original. I forget who plays her though, been ages since I watched it.
“Marylin Monroe, best known for being the lead singer of the 80s band Blondy, had an inclination towards shorts like these. Marylin soon became a transsexual metal singer”
Okay, first, She wasn’t in a band called Blondy according to ANY sources I have found. Second, she was a woman, died a woman, and never, ever, sang any form of metal. That just makes you sound like an idiot. And then speaking ill of the dead? You seriously have nothing better to do.
“Look at the Satan character in the feminazi show The Powerpuff Girls. There legs are identical.”
*cough*THEIR*cough* It’s a cartoon… -_- That means NO SEMBLANCE TO REALITY!!
“their temptation from Stan”
Yes. Stan is very tempting. I swear. That sexy body. That absolutely gorgeous smile… No wonder Stan is so tempting.
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4:19 pm
Damn right! LOL come on ppl i use them.
And how do chicks have weird legs? I find them extremely sexy
Marilyn Monroe was a solo artist, remember i work in the music industry.
I’m Italian, sorta. And this new kind of sexual, the “guidosexual” as you call it, does not exist. Guidos are the fuck nuts from Jersey Shore. im partiality Italian and i don’t say im a Guida. The word Guido/a isn’t even a word!
The only men i know who have big muscular legs are gay porn stars. So yea, you’re all gay in some way.
Oh and BTW Daisy Dukes!!! Are too mainstream so hipsters won’t use them.
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11:07 am
The Shorts you are constantly referring to are called Daisy Dukes, named after the character of the same name who wore them on the American show Dukes of Hazzard, or Short shorts. Never called Dandy Dukes or Shorty Shorts.
History
“Javier Speedo” when searched in google comes up with an email address of a guy trying to sell a car in Singapore. The “Speedo” company was founded in 1914 in Australia by Alexander MacRae. Not all homosexuals are narcissists. Spain, Italy, France (French is the language or People, France is the Country), Portugal, and Greece may be suffering with a bad economy now but that isn’t what they are most known for. However, IT IS A GLOBAL RECESSION the whole world is suffering at the moment. Also it has nothing to do with their leaders being gay.
Side note:
Spanish Prime Minister: José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero married to his WIFE Sonsoles Espinosa
Italian Prime Minister: Current is Mario Monti who is married to his wife Elsa with two children together. Until very recently, (earlier this month) the Italian Prime Minister was notorious womaniser Silvio Berlusconi.
French Prime Minister: François Fillon Married to his wife Penelope Clarke with five children.
Portuguese Prime Minister: Pedro Passos Coelho Married to his wife Laura Ferreira and has three children.
Greek Prime Minister : Lucas Papademos Married to his wife Sana Ingram.
There goes your “theory” that the countries are run by homosexuals. Turns out all are straight and married.
1: TRENDY AMONG HIPSTERSEXUALS
I have no idea if they are to be honest. Anything a hipster does or wears is meant to be “ironic”. So if they do it is meant to mean that they are not in fact cool to wear them. One picture of a possible hipster wearing shorts doesn’t prove anything.
2: The Guidosexual Imports From Italy Support this Lifestyle
Firstly Anglo-Saxon are the Germanic people who populated the UK between 550 and 1066 AD. Nothing to do with America there. Also duty not to “support the dirty italians”? Really? No it isn’t a duty. Also Nothing wrong with Italians. Also never mentioned how you support the Italians by wearing something.
3: The Druggie Harlot Queen, Marylin Monroe Wore These
Firstly well done. That photo of Gwen Stefani really proves Marylin Monroe wore them. Marylin Monroe was an Actress, Singer and Model who died in 1962 and never became a transsexual metal singer. The lead singer of the band Blondie (correct spelling there) was Deborah Harry. The Band itself formed in the mid 70s and was on a break for the vast majority of the 80s. Well done on Massively failing in the research department there.
4: It’s homosexual european Roots
Again wrongly labelling what places are best known for. Yes, Europe may be in general more liberal and accepting. However Europe is far from being as accepting as you suggest. Also you greatly exaggerate. You do realise the GLOBAL population is only roughly seven billion? The rough estimate for the population of Europe is roughly 857 million. Now put those two facts together it alone proves that Europe is not filled with billions of homosexuals and their allies.
5: Woman Have Weird Looking Legs
Really? Women have weird looking legs? I can’t see it. Personally I think women’s legs look good. Just like everything else about their figure. You do realise the Powerpuff Girls is a CARTOON? The legs are not going to look that lifelike.
“Men have Strong and Mighty legs” Wow. you have a habit of rather admiringly depicting men’s bodies don’t you? I can’t see the connection between a person’s legs and their love for Jesus. I can’t remember ever hearing it mentioned by anyone that Jesus said those with the biggest legs love me the most. Tom Cruise isn’t actually gay. Not all women are atheists (correct spelling). Women’s (the plural of woman is women you say woman’s legs implies you are talking about ONE specific woman) legs are not evil and personally I disagree that they should be hidden. It is up to the woman if she wants to show off her legs.
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1:50 pm
I am a homosexual. I want to fondle your testicles and suckle on your hard penis. Hail Satan 666 our savior
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2:27 pm
Hail Satan! All women should flaunt their sin sticks!
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4:21 pm
DAMN RIGHT!
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11:28 pm
All y’all be bent over with pointed red-hot pitchfork prongs up your sin scepters because of your ways unless you repent.
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10:59 pm
If clothing is a reminder of the original sin, then isn’t wearing clothes “demonic” and so, by promoting the use of these evil coverings, aren’t you promoting Satanism. If you’re a Satanist you want to burn in hell. If you are trying to show us, you want us to burn in hell with you. STRANGER DANGER RUN AWAY!!!!!
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10:17 pm
Though many try, only a certain shape of women can pull this off.
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11:04 pm
HOW DARE YOU CALL CANADA SOCIALIST YOU FUCKING PRICKS!!!!! WE ARE RATED #1 COUNTRY TO LIVE IN! GET RID OF YOUR DEBT THEN OFFEND ANOTHER COUNTRY… OH WAIT YOUR BILLIONS IN DEBT!!! FUCKING CRISTIAN FAGGOT YOU SHOULD GO TO HELL FOR SUCH A DEROGITYORY COMMENT. All other non Christian Americans do not take offence to this, is only to the People who write the Articles.
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11:38 pm
Your anger is due to the fact that you live in a heathen country that is further from God than your southern border is from the equator but if you and your Klondike brethren repent now and embrace Christ I’m sure the fortunes of your country will improve and you won’t have to be so green with envy and lash out at everyone that is different from you.
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5:48 pm
This is so stupid.
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10:13 pm
this has to be a joke
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10:24 pm
“Those with the biggest legs have the most love for Jesus” So.. those who take steroids have the most love for Jesus?
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2:07 am
i wanna ask the author, do you have a wife? if you do, since you say legs are sins, it is best to get rid of sin rather than hide it, so it’s best to cut off your wife’s legs so you can be a proud husband with a wife that doesn’t have sins. Oh and continuing, if legs are sins, you should ask all women around you to cut off their legs, so you wouldn’t be associating with anyone that has sins.
As for me, i love my sexy sins ;D
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