Dallas Cowboys Finally Silence TE Tackle Cheerleader Melissa Kellerman
Cheerleaders are the typically vacuous bimbos who leap and cheer on the sideline of sporting games, giving us men something to look at while our teams plan their next course of action. Why cheerleading is considered an ‘institution’ in some circles is beyond me. How much of an ‘institution’ does it take to stay skinny and build a pyramid? The Egyptian slaves had that routine down over 2,5oo years ago.
And a good view of Giza is just about as enthralling as a seeing a pack of cheerleaders on display. They stand firm and strong, you look and get your jollies, but then you’re left wondering what all the fuss is about. But you’ll look again. If you’ve been to Egypt, you’ll know exactly what I mean. Just like the Giza pyramids, cheerleaders are a bit what you can call an overrated tourist attraction.
Take this story of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, for instance. There was some glorified exotic dancer prancing about the sideline, acting as if she were really part of the Cowboys franchise. Media reports the woman’s name as Melissa Kellerman.
During last week’s big game, Kellerman was accidentally tackled by the Dallas Cowboys’ tight end. And of course, this had to be blown up into a big deal that everyone had to see.
Melissa Kellerman, thinking about the inner intricacies of pyramid building.
Almost instantly after she got in the way of professional athletes, this 22-year-old cheerleader and student immediately took to her phone and started to Tweet her latest exploits in life. OMG!
Look at that first Tweet. So self-centered and trying to attract tourists to her. Did she ever consider that her tweet would damage the career of Jason Witten? How can a tight end function in football if the defense is not scared of his powerful, broad shoulders and hulking frame?
If Witten cannot wipe out a cheerleader when running into her with a nook-armed full head of steam, how is a free safety or tackle going to think twice before plowing him over?
This is typical of cheerleaders, to emasculate the men around them. They are only worried about he glam and glory, instead of the blood, sweat and true grit it takes to be a Dallas Cowboy or any of the other more lowly NFL teams. But then it gets worse from there: “I’m not the best at Jason Witten trust falls. 
”
So now, all of a sudden, the Cowboys are having rainbow-parachute trust fall happy butterscotch brigade happiness trust fall days with the guidance counselor in PE days? Is the winky face a new trademark emoticon of the Dallas franchise? Does God’s team really have all this feel Willy happenings taking place?
I doubt it, considering that the franchise forced the cheerleader to shut her Twitter account voice and stop squawking all the embarrassing things over the internet.
I am happy to see that the Dallas Cowboys realize that cheerleaders are only to be seen, and not heard.
Like all women, if you give cheerleaders an inch they will take a mile. They are walking spectacles. Did you know the show “Family Matters” was supposed to be about unity and a black family’s overcoming suburban struggles with love? But what do we all remember? Steve Urkel, the nerd child who could alter his DNA sequences, create cognizant robots, make light travel devices all while having cheese orgies with cutouts of Laura Winslow. Or something like that.
And all that means is that if you let a costumed spectacle parade around too much, they will become the star of the show. Every week, people will tune in to see a tight bodied hottie tackled and tweet about it, sort of the reason why Olivia Munn is still relevant.
The next thing you know, NFL Sunday will be all about Steve Urkel taking reverse hikes from Ditka. I don’t even want to think about this story any more, so let’s remember that cheerleaders must remain in silence and let this story slip away.
- Sinful
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- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Derek Van Buren
4:07 pm
What a loser, he can’t even hurt an 85 pound woman! Hahahahaha! Wimp!
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4:50 pm
Would you go and say that to his face?
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4:51 am
Yeah. You’re forgetting that here in England we have a game called Rugby. It bears some similarities to American Football but we don’t wear body armour, and don’t stop for a rest every forty five seconds.
The kind of impact that American Footballers are used to taking with their protective kevlar is the kind of impact I’m used to enduring with no protection at all.
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5:44 pm
Rugby is patently homosexual. I think I’ll do a report on it, make it official.
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5:21 pm
Oh look, another American who’s too much of a big sissy to play it.
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12:25 pm
Also, Rugby is less homosexual than American Football. Rugby players don’t yell out “HUT HUT” before grabbing a team mate’s balls.
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7:10 pm
She is a whore.
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3:04 pm
That’s not very nice for a Christian
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12:25 pm
And you are a jerk.
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8:08 pm
What ever happened to free speech? You butt-heads haven’t a clue about life. Pull you heads out of the pigskins south portal; Melissa might be teaching you something someday.
LRL
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9:12 am
you christians are 50% of whats wrong with this world… your muslim borthers represent the other 50% you claim to be fighting for god and faith and religion but we all know your fighting over oil. which really makes you almost worse than the people your fighting to get the oil off!
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11:24 am
The whole sport of football is a homosexual act, just like wrestling, MMA, and cross-country skiing. The average amount of footage they delete from an NFL game is 40-50 minutes, in which time they players convene on the field to form a chain of oral sex. Except on Sundays, when they form an anal congo line. This is usually done during half time commercials. The entire sport disregards the fundamentals of Christianity with words like “Tight End” and “Limp Biscuit” as common terms on the field. Announcers for such sporting events are homosexed, themselves, and tend to be masturbating one another under their shared table. I heard that once, Joe Madden actually shut up for ten whole minutes, because he was performing oral sex on the announcer next to him. Cheer leading is no better, as the women who cheer for the team are often seen snorting cocaine off one another’s lady parts before engaging in full Dyke Fisting. This happens during the same 40-50 minute break. The stands of these games often participate in what is known in football as an “Arena Jerk”, much like a circle jerk, except the entire arena. Women are not allowed at these sporting events, unless they are a card-carrying lesbian, like the late Hilary Clinton.
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11:54 am
ROTFL Dude this is some funny stuff!
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12:32 pm
American Football (name stolen from the proper football invented by 19th century Britain) Is the most homosexual game ever. If the players aren’t grabbing the bollocks of their team mates, they’re cuddling other players.
America stole the name of football, and tried to rename proper football “soccer.” Here’s a hint, it isn’t FOOTball if the players are carrying the ball with their HANDS for 90% of the game.
Rugby is far better. In Rugby, the players don’t wear full kevlar body armour, and don’t stop for a rest every 20 seconds. The kind of impact an American Football team is used to taking with their body armour, is the kind of impact that Rugby players are used to taking with no body armour at all. This means that American Footballers are all wimps, who can’t take a proper impact.
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12:59 pm
In Rugby, everytime the ball falls to the ground, players surround it in a circle fondling each other while other players jump on top of them trying to get into the middle of this human orgy. How is that not homosexual? Plus you can score points by punting the ball??? At least in American Football, when a team punts the ball it means the other team was better at defending than they were at running or passing, not just “Oh, I don’t want to be tackled by another player, so I will just kick the ball into the goal” attitude that you British and your loyal Gay States have.
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1:55 pm
Punt means to kick the ball after dropping it. The kick must take place before the ball touches the ground. The only points scored are when the ball goes through the goal. Not just for doing it.
Please try and learn something before attempting to take me on, otherwise I have no qualms about making you look like a complete imbeceile.
And until Rugby players start grabbing each other’s bollocks as a part of the game, the game of American football with the plagiarised name will always be the gayer, and, due to the body armour, wimpier game.
If anyone would like to argue this fact, come and take me on. I’ll play you at American football, and then you can play me at Rugby. Let’s see who gets hurt the most badly shall we?
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