• Dallas Cowboys Finally Silence TE Tackle Cheerleader Melissa Kellerman

    November 27, 2011 3:19 pm 16 comments

    Cheerleaders are the typically vacuous bimbos who leap and cheer on the sideline of sporting games, giving us men something to look at while our teams plan their next course of action.  Why cheerleading is considered an ‘institution’ in some circles is beyond me.  How much of an ‘institution’ does it take to stay skinny and build a pyramid?  The Egyptian slaves had that routine down over 2,5oo years ago.

    And a good view of Giza is just about as enthralling as a seeing a pack of cheerleaders on display.  They stand firm and strong, you look and get your jollies, but then you’re left wondering what all the fuss is about.  But you’ll look again.  If you’ve been to Egypt, you’ll know exactly what I mean.   Just like the Giza pyramids, cheerleaders are a bit what you can call an overrated tourist attraction.

    Take this story of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, for instance.  There was some glorified exotic dancer prancing about the sideline, acting as if she were really part of the Cowboys franchise.  Media reports the woman’s name as Melissa Kellerman.

    During last week’s big game, Kellerman was accidentally tackled by the Dallas Cowboys’ tight end.  And of course, this had to be blown up into a big deal that everyone had to see.

    Cowboys cheerleader knocked over by Witten forced off Twitter
     

    Melissa Kellerman, thinking about the inner intricacies of pyramid building.

    Almost instantly after she got in the way of professional athletes, this 22-year-old cheerleader and student immediately took to her phone and started to Tweet her latest exploits in life.  OMG!

    Cowboys cheerleader knocked over by Witten forced off Twitter

    Look at that first Tweet.  So self-centered and trying to attract tourists to her.  Did she ever consider that her tweet would damage the career of Jason Witten?  How can a tight end function in football if the defense is not scared of his powerful, broad shoulders and hulking frame?

    If Witten cannot wipe out a cheerleader when running into her with a nook-armed full head of steam, how is a free safety or tackle going to think twice before plowing him over?

    This is typical of cheerleaders, to emasculate the men around them.  They are only worried about he glam and glory, instead of the blood, sweat and true grit it takes to be a Dallas Cowboy or any of the other more lowly NFL teams.  But then it gets worse from there:  “I’m not the best at Jason Witten trust falls. ;)”

    So now, all of a sudden, the Cowboys are having rainbow-parachute trust fall happy butterscotch brigade happiness trust fall days with the guidance counselor in PE days?  Is the winky face a new trademark emoticon of the Dallas franchise?  Does God’s team really have all this feel Willy happenings taking place?

    I doubt it, considering that the franchise forced the cheerleader to shut her Twitter account voice and stop squawking all the embarrassing things over the internet.

    I am happy to see that the Dallas Cowboys realize that cheerleaders are only to be seen, and not heard.

    Like all women, if you give cheerleaders an inch they will take a mile.  They are walking spectacles.  Did you know the show “Family Matters” was supposed to be about unity and a black family’s overcoming suburban struggles with love?  But what do we all remember?  Steve Urkel, the nerd child who could alter his DNA sequences, create cognizant robots, make light travel devices all while having cheese orgies with cutouts of Laura Winslow.  Or something like that.

    And all that means is that if you let a costumed spectacle parade around too much, they will become the star of the show.  Every week, people will tune in to see a tight bodied hottie tackled and tweet about it, sort of the reason why Olivia Munn is still relevant.

    The next thing you know, NFL Sunday will be all about Steve Urkel taking reverse hikes from Ditka.  I don’t even want to think about this story any more, so let’s remember that cheerleaders must remain in silence and let this story slip away.

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    About The Author
    Derek Van Buren

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