• FBI Now Officially Ranks Juggalos as a Street Gang

    November 4, 2011 9:03 pm 6 comments

    Juggalos are basically like ravers but with a worse attitude and exchanging taut-bodied, drug-induced flesh grinding sessions for slothful, fat shirt raisings to show off a trailer-trash body.  That is to say, juggalos are the fat, unathletic version of ravers.

    Initially spearheaded by a group of singing delinquents who masqueraded as clowns to avoid beatings in the ghetto, juggalos have grown to a disturbing movement of sloven people who listen to bizarre, screeching music and are addicted to a crude, gross street-alcohol called Faggo.

    MEDIA: Watch Juggalos Beat-up Asian Tila Tequila
    Veins coursing with the adrenaline-spiking power of Faygo, enraged juggalos are able to throw bottles with the force of mini-missiles as they brutally assault a sweet, young Asian singer known as Tila Tequila. The Gathering of the Juggaloes may have been the worst American assault against Asians since liberals issued Executive Order 9066.

    As the name of the drink implies, juggaloes are no stranger to homosexuality and when seeing how juggalettes look (the female version of juggaloes), it’s almost no wonder the men do prefer a chocolate dock over the quacking flab flesh of females who are attracted to a lifestyle of rolling around in sloppy dirt and flashing their saggy bits for all to see.

    That is to say, juggalettes are historically not very attractive.

    Even with all this negativity in their movement, the juggalo movement is strong in America.  There have been concern from parents about children who wear their hair in cornrows, do drugs and paint their faces white like a mime.

    The Clown Coalition of America also expressed concern that the band known as the Insane Clown Posse was destroying the repuation of clowning across the globe.  Clowns tend to be noble entertainers, yet a band was using their name to introduce nothing but pig-stye orgies, meth-infused carbonated beverages and horrible mean-act inciting music to the public as a ‘Clown 2.0′ future for the field of entertainment.

    It should be made clear to parents that Insane Clowns are just that:  insane.  If you see your child wearing the clothing of a juggalo, a follower of the Insane Clown Posse, you may be dealing with a gangster.

    This shocking revelation is corraborated by our friends at the Guardian, who are also combatting a juggalo infestation in Great Britain.

    Fortunately in America, the moral majority has weighed in on the subject and the US FBI has taken note of the juggalos, as we see in this report detailing that juggalos are now outlaws.

    As we see reported in the opening title:  “It’s A Crime to Love Insane Clown Posse“.  If you see your child listening to records that state “ICP”, immediately confiscate the album and report them to the greatest authority, God.  You will need to review their activity to see if they’ve done anything criminal that you need to turn them into jail for doing.

    Remember these people are usually infused with a bizarre drink and scatter-brained, the fatty diet and face-point colluding to cloud their already poor, paltry minds.  No one in their right mind could listen to one song by the Insane Clown Posse and think that it is good music.  Any basement dwelling flabber could muster enough energy to download audacity, record a strangled cat and clank around on their keyboard, while making sure to cuss loudly and with teenaged angst, and call it music.  Or, as they say, The Insane Clown Posse’s newest release.

     

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    About The Author
    Amber Vos Savant Amber Vos Savant is an award winning conservative journalist and currently serves as Young Republican coordinator for Romney 2012 in Boston.

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