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RedditAll parents want their children to make good choices. The home environment, like the womb, is where a child feels safe and warm and absorbs their nutrients and develops in a specific God-given way. The infusion of cracked cocaine, drugs, alcohol, and poor diet of spiced Mexican foods can disrupt the development of your child in the womb. I am here to inform you all of comparable dangers to your childs development that may be in your own home which will lead your child to the choice of being a tween tangling homogay.
Shower Heads
The very apparatus that your child uses to wash themselves of filth can be turned back on them and wash them in a shower of sin. Shower heads may seem harmless but they have a penile visage that is unmistakeable to your child, especially if they are extendable heads. There are liquids spurting from the shower head cascading all over your childs body, doesn’t seem so harmless now does it? You may need to be present while your children bathe to make sure they are not using it to have a satanic moment in their nether regions. The shower head and nozzle should be removed directly after bathing and hidden from your children until it’s use is needed again.
Keep Your Windows Closed During Spring
Windows in your children’s rooms should be closed at all times. The Winds of Gay are always blowing from the homogay capital of the world California, picking up gay flower scents from your wife’s garden and influencing your son to become a gay prissy aroused at the sight of your sweaty Mexican landscaper, and carrying satan’s particles into your daughter’s brain just like happened to Eve and cause her to become a lesbian recruit defying God.
Treat Your Home Like You Would Your Body
If you treat your body in a way that is approved by God, then he will bless you. Extending this notion into your home will bring blessings upon it from God himself. Never enter your home from the backdoor. This is an abomination on your body and your home. Your ‘backdoor’ is an exit for brown trash and gays took a mutant divergent path and starting sticking stuff up there. God doesn’t like that. In addition to these obvious minor details, you should keep your home very clean but not TOO clean. Homogays are obsessively compluslive with cleaning and looking prim and prissy proper because they are making up for so many of their other downfalls such as being a lacey bottomed frothy nancy.
Remove Cats From Your Home
If dogs are a real man’s best friend and companion, cats are a gay’s furry life partner. The evils of cats have been well documented on Christwire. Every morning you will wake up to a cat’s little pink stink right in your face. They purposely sick their tails up all day to strut their backside slit like a gay advertising for a Pole Stroking session on craigslist. If you don’t find this anal exposure in your face completely intolerable it is too late for you and your family and you will be tossed onto satan’s BBQ with the chinese and Indians (dot not feather).
Use Heterosexual Cleaning Products
Finally, Arm & Hammer and Mr. Clean cleaning products should never be used in your home. They depicte muscled men with tight shirts and ear piercings that reveal their bear gay nature. These products are secretly manufactured and intended for a gay mating technique called Anal Bleaching. Anal Bleaching adds a salty taste to a butt gurgle fest for gays, and you do not want your family’s rearends to become salt lick targets.
Please take these tips into your home.
God Bless You All
Nicholas
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Isn't the fact that proof requires evidence evidence for God existing? Think about it Atheists. I am Christian student getting a good education 
I have heard that rumor about shower heads, particularly the ones that come down off the wall for hand use but I really didn’t believe it at the same. Very interesting… Also, I think a good Christian upbringing can discourage children from experimenting with homosexuality. A children’s Bible is a fascinating gift, especially come Christmas time!
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Thought I should make the warning nonetheless. I think it goes without saying a bible should be in every home!
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Yeah, to chuck on the fire on a cold night
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or, they just turn into crazy wild children as soon as they get the chance
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What happened to me… Shove religion down a kid’s throat long enough and they’ll rebel.
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You really shouldn’t “encourage” (seems more like force according to the people who write for this site) someone to believe in exactly what you believe in. Especially as it is stated that god gave people free will. You try to discourage teenagers from doing something (especially with relation to what is said in a religious text) especially when they don’t agree, you will more likely make them do the undesired action as an act of rebellion.
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Dorothy Parker is burning in Hell for asking “Dot or Feather,” among other things.
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First, there’s no reason to “gay-proof” your house.
“You may need to be present while your children bathe to make sure they are not using it to have a satanic moment in their nether regions. The shower head and nozzle should be removed directly after bathing and hidden from your children until it’s use is needed again. ”
Paranoid, impractical, and pedophilic.
“Keep Your Windows Closed During Spring”
I can see where you’re coming from, seeing as pollen is plant semen and all, but honestly, I really don’t think that’s a huge problem.
“If you treat your body in a way that is approved by God, then he will bless you. Extending this notion into your home will bring blessings upon it from God himself. Never enter your home from the backdoor. This is an abomination on your body and your home. Your ‘backdoor’ is an exit for brown trash and gays took a mutant divergent path and starting sticking stuff up there. God doesn’t like that. In addition to these obvious minor details, you should keep your home very clean but not TOO clean. Homogays are obsessively compluslive with cleaning and looking prim and prissy proper because they are making up for so many of their other downfalls such as being a lacey bottomed frothy nancy.”
Homes and people are two very different things.
“Remove Cats From Your Home”
There is nothing wrong with cats.
“Finally, Arm & Hammer and Mr. Clean cleaning products should never be used in your home. They depicte muscled men with tight shirts and ear piercings that reveal their bear gay nature. These products are secretly manufactured and intended for a gay mating technique called Anal Bleaching. Anal Bleaching adds a salty taste to a butt gurgle fest for gays, and you do not want your family’s rearends to become salt lick targets.”
That’s “depict”. Also, cleaning products are inanimate and have no sexual preference. Also, why are you comparing gay people to bears?
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Captain,
You protect your home in many ways like fire-proofing and also gay-proofing. Bear Gays are large hairy aggressive breeds of gay. You make a good point, I had forgotten that pollen i plant devil DNA. There’s another reason everybody!
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Nicholas
Bears (in the gay sense) aren’t always aggressive. You are right about them being large built and usually hairy though. Surprising how knowledgeable you are in the types of homosexuals.
Also pollen is evil? How did you come up with that argument? That’s a load of rubbish
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Why would anyone need to protect their home by “gay-proofing” it? Most criminals are heterosexual, and the vast, vast majority of the homosexual criminals are involved in non-violent drug trafficking/possession.
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You spelled “depict” wrong…. I’m correcting you and I’m a 14 year old girl….
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you ppl are just fucktarded go back to the dark ages bible thumping boy touching preist praising goofs
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Wow, good job Charlie, I am sooooo impressed by your incredible spelling skills, and your ability to point out a man’s typo, and your need to try to make yourself feel superior. Because obviously, he has no idea how to spell depict. Also, you’re making yourself look really cool by making that comment, and not at ALL stupid
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You, sir, have the best forum skills I have ever seen in my entire life. You not only make it a choice to go against the grain and stand out by skip the reply button, instead making something entirely different a reply, but also make excellent use of sarcasm. Not only that, but you manage to stress the word ‘so’ by actually increasing the number of vowels used! Bravo, good sir, bravo.
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WTF? Are you going to stroke his shower head or what? Damned Gays.
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What a clever thing to do, pick on a child that’s really mature.
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You can’t stop anyone from being homosexual. There is no way to “gay-proof” anything and there is no need. Your child, I hope for their sake the author has no children. Intolerance isn’t good for a child’s upbringing.
“Shower Heads”
Don’t turn children gay. They aren’t going to see a shower head and immediately think “sticking that up my rear-end will be fun!” You watch your child bathe especially after about the age of about 6-7ish is odd. You hiding a shower head is just weird. Also if your child really wanted to “have a satanic moment in their nether regions.” they would find a way. Therefore it is not necessary to do that. Where there is a will there is a way.
“Keep Your Windows Closed During Spring”
An open window is hardly ever a bad thing. Only real reasons to ensure it is shut is when it is cold or on a bottom floor and adults are out/asleep. There is no such thing as “Winds of Gay”. Homosexuality can’t be “caught”. The smell of flowers don’t turn people homosexual. As for flowers turning women into lesbians this is clearly not true. It is a widely used gift idea for a woman. If flowers turned women into lesbians there would be many more out there.
“Treat Your Home Like You Would Your Body”
It really doesn’t matter what door you use. I know the slang for homosexual sex is “taking it up the back door” but that is where the similarities end. A very stereotypical view of homosexuals you have not everyone who is gay has OCD and not everyone with OCD is gay. Too clean is objective. A person’s definition of too clean varies. Also those homosexuals with OCD aren’t doing it to make up for anything they are doing it because they have to.
“Remove Cats From Your Home.”
I do agree (and probably the only part of this article i do agree with) are a man’s best friend. But cats are not evil. They are not the opposite of a dog. They are not a “gay’s furry life partner”. Cats don’t shove their bum in someone’s face. I’ve had three cats and not a single one of them did this. Their tails are not up all the time. No one lets there cat stick their bums in their faces. Also the last sentence is xenophobic and racist.
“Use Heterosexual Cleaning Products”
There is no such things as homosexual and heterosexual cleaning products. Due to the fact they are inanimate objects they don’t have a sexual orientation. The muscled men are not there to reveal a “gay” nature it is a metaphor for strength. Strong person or object = powerful cleaner. Anal Bleaching isn’t a mating technique it is a vanity thing really. It is to hide the bum hair for males, females homosexuals AND heterosexual. It has nothing to do with a salty taste. How would you know it gives a salty taste?
You can’t make someone homosexual or heterosexual. Therefore you can’t “gay-proof” anything.
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lol fag
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Wow aren’t you clever.
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Just put ” I R Chistian” that will keep everyone away
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That’ll work really well
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This site is so funny! I can’t believe we have extremist Christians that are this bad!
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What the hell is this crap? I can’t even begin to point out everything that’s wrong with this. At least I can be glad knowing that everyone who supports this site will lead miserable unfulfilled lives and will probably die alone and full of regret because they never got a chance to live their life.
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Is this serious?
Wow, this is the very bottom rank of intellectual abilities isnt it. Absolutely pathetic.
Apart from all the stupid connections that are made, WHATS WRONG WITH BEING GAY? seriously, doesnt the bible say not to judge. Just live you life, let your kids be gay if they want to be. Its all DNA.
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it also say TO KILL THE GAYS you dumbed @$$.
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Wow I’m seriously scared now!
I MUST bible-basher-proof my home as soon as possible. And there was I worried about zombies… My fears have been seriously misplaced!
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Nicholas Tadmor you are a bigoted inbred C***. The bible isn’t real, do you honestly believe the crap you are talking?
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Does your hatred of gays stem from all those experiences as an alter boy?
When Britain finally sees sense and turns against America, it will be the corrupt bible bashers that we will take out first. You cause the wars and kill for oil all in the name of religion. You aren’t honourable people, you are twisted idiots.
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Step over here you gap toothed limey bastard and I will personally put a 9mm hole in your head.
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I have plenty of gay friends. They are wonderful people, they are caring and open minded unlike so many other people in this world. Why would I want to keep them out of my home?
If I ever have children I would want them to have a free view of the world. I wouldn’t hesitate to introduce them to some of the greatest people I have ever met.
My best friend, who is gay, was the only person who was there for me during a dark time in my life. I cannot see how someone’s sexuality can make them vile creatures.
I have met many vile, cruel and evil straight people and many kind, sweet and caring gay people.
Your stereotypes are stupid and elementary. Grow up and open your eyes.
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Oh yea…….This is defenitly why I am gay, let me tell ya! I was gay before I came into contact with any of this. To boot, I have a dog, not a cat, never had one. We didnt have showers growing up. I lived on a farm smelling cow shit through my windows. and mom cleaned our house with whatever was on sale at the dollar store. I am by no means a “lacey bottomed frothy nancy” I am a gay farm boy, and ill bet I am alot more of a man than the little priss that wrote this crap. He is awful descriptive and passionate about it to resent it so bad lol.
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you have a dog? How sweet. Maybe he will be done licking the Pnut butter off you soon, gay wad.
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You have got to be joking, right? This article belongs in the pile with “The World is Flat”. Better yet, my cat’s litter box needs a newe liner, so print it out for me & let it collect the load of SH*T it is already overflowing with
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You know, God made Cats too, and exactly as he wanted them. And if you really are able to see a showerhead as a phallic object maybe you need to be confronting some personal issues of your own.
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You realize that all cats are born homosexual, right?
It’s a proven medical fact, ask Dr. Darwin. Get educated!
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This is the most OFFENSIVE website I have EVER seen. It is extremely racist, homophobic, misogynistic, and just plain rubbish. Being gay is not something that happens because of the way you were raised! It is something you are BORN with. No, you don’t come out of the womb knowing your sexuality; but over time, you just know. I am a lesbian, and it’s people like you, and opinions like this that make me even more proud of who I am. Just please stop spreading hatred around like this. You truly don’t understand how much harm you could be doing to someone by posting these offensive articles. And remember, ‘Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.’ -Plato
-Nichole.
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This article was not meant for you Nichole. I am sorry you read it, but it was meant for parents who wish to eradicate all possible outcomes of gayness in their children. That isn’t so bad is it?
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What the fuck is wrong with you? You say “eradicate all possible outcomes of gayness” like it’s a fucking disease.I happen to be bi and you know what? Ever since finally realising that, it’s made me a lot happier and I am not ashamed to admit it. So just go back to whatever stinking hole you climbed out of and stay there, for everyone’s sake.
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yeah because sluts in college never decide to turn gay and become a carpet muncher for a while…dumb @$$ honkies.
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You know you’re really fucking ugly right? The only people that hate the gay community are people who are IN THE FUCKING CLOSET
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Your insults and accusations are typical of the insecure and jealous liberal!
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Hey white bread, don’t let these bitches get you down. Sure you are ugly as hell and a cracker, but you got spirit…keep it up honkey!
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Plus dog, it’s better to be in the closet then getting F’ed in the A.
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Word!
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WANKER
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Dont worry fugly noone would want you! gay or straight
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Your an absolute joke and should have a look at yourself
To think of such ridiculous things almost sounds like your the gay one.
Everyone has the right to be gay if thats what their life choice is.
Your nothing but a joke and should get a life.
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Everyone on this site needs to get laid…by a gay.
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