• If Abortion is Murder, Then Blowjobs are Cannibalism

    November 3, 2011 1:43 pm 53 comments

    Abortion is a typically taboo family discussion item that can send the most calm conservative into a flying rage of spittle and fury at the mention of Roe versus Wade.

    Even as we delve deeper into a new millenium, there are some people who believe that women have no right to their bodies.  These people are typically men and the brainwashed women they dominate, ala Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann.

    For any man who supports abortion, I posit a simple question.  What would you do if I walked up to you, slit a hole in your scrotum and stuff your seminal vesicles and urethra full of glass shards.  When you wanted to go to the doctor to have the shards removed, he’d tell you no and that you’d have to keep popping them out naturally for the next 9 months.  Why?  Because Rachel Aschner-Barsky wanted you to pop out her little glass shards and you had no right to say no.

    Many of you blowhard conservatives like to spew hypocritical nonsense from both your mouths.  The problem is that when you spew things from your little mouth, you’re being a hypocrite. 

    If you’re going to say abortion is murder, then blowjobs are cannibalism.

    It is ironic that Catholics are among the most staunch supporters of abstinence, followed by anti-abortion legislation.  If every little vessel of life is from God, then why are so many priests genocidal maniacs and making their alter boys complicit in their Hitleresque schemes?

    Oh yes, the cute little Jew girl invoked Hitler and Godwin’s law and all that, because really if you consider it, every load that a man blows has approximately 300 million sperm.  That’s 300 million little guys!

    And if each one of those lives are precious and of divine creation, then under no circumstance should a conservative man be asking his wife for oral pleasures.  Or vaginal pleasures, for that matter.  To create one child, is it really worth murdering 299,000,000 more?

    My friends, you cannot have it both ways.  If you believe abortion is murder, then the cells that create abortion should not be destroyed.  A woman and her family should mourn the loss of a child with every menstrual cycle.  Everyone should wear black and hold a funeral for the passing egg.

    And when Jr. has his first wet dream, Dads out there, you need to tell him that his soul with be festering with Hitler, Stalin and friends in the hell stocks for genocidal dictators.  Tell you son too bad, he should have thought twice before putting the dick in dicktator. 

    All kidding aside, refrain from blow jobs, colon clenching, vag dabbling and whatever other crazy terms you closet freaks have created for carnal acts.  You cannot use a man’s body without murdering nearly 300 million people, by abortion rights logic.  So the only people who should be breeding are those who believe abortion is fine and a woman’s right.

    It looks like it pays off to treat women as equals, doesn’t it?

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    About The Author
    Rachel Aschner-Barsky Former circuit gymnast and now retired from the sport, I'm now embarking on a career in my field of college study: journalism. These guys at ChristWire have hired me and I do not plan to back down for my "crazy liberal" views. Join me and let's bring the biased 'conservatives' down a notch or two.

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