• Is Your Teenaged Daughter Throwing a Twilight Vampire Babies Pregnancy Pact Party?

    November 12, 2011 12:46 pm 44 comments
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    Lustily clenched teeth smeared with the crimson stains of newly spilt blood, bodies writhe in intense passion as raw sexual fury mixes with fantasy at “Vampire Babies” orgy parties being thrown in campuses nation wide.   Teenager girls are having massive parties to ‘become pregnant’ with babies conceived during vampire rituals, so they can all have vampire babies 9 months later.  As the release of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 draws near, an ancient ritual threatens the life of your naive, secretly drug-addled teenage daughters

    Vampire cults and the evil they bring is a very real threat in this country. Every since JRK Tolkien penned the first “Twilight” book, the ancient spirit of Vlad Tepes himself descended into America and has sparked a fury of terrifying stories that should keep every parent wide awake and gripped in fear by night.

    Liberals and those whose minds are clouded with all the nonsense within the pages of these books that should be burned (it is a fun event you should share with your family, especially daughters) will deny my truths, saying I know nothing of the new movie when I already screened it and proved it was rated R months ago!  It was after my report that Twilight producers were reforced to remove the very scenes I warned all you hypocrite liberal readers about!

    Even after that fact, there are parents out there who will not take this Vampire Babies issue seriously.  You people may have missed the memo about the seriousness of vampirism and may need to remember the time when:

    Twilight Vampire Cults Abduct Children

    Twilight Actors Laught When Children Do Evil in Their Name

    Vampires will stab you if you don’t let them suck your blood

    Team Jacob Wolfpack Gang Up On Young Boy

    Drunk Vampires Threaten to Reverse Sodomize Cop, Eat His Kidneys

    Twilight Movie Causes Boy to Bite 11 Classmates

    Boy Watches Twilight, Then Gives Teacher a Nose Bleed with ‘Devil Powers’

    vampire-woman.jpgEver since Pastor Jack Gould first warned us of how watching Twilight caused 3 priests to have a heart attack at the stroke of midnight, parents have been ignorant and continued to let this vile movie spread through our country.

    Instead of being responsible and burning all Twilight merchandise, lobbying against the production and theaters that carry this filth and demanding Tolkien retire from writing, parents have been blase and tried to be the friends of their children.

    Parenting is not about being popular, it is about keeping your daughter from sticking LSD laced drug needles in her neck, rolling her eyes in her head by possessed and then letting boys stick their sin-stiffened flash needled up her twaddle dock at these wild orgies!

    These teenagers think it is all fun and games and if they say a few Wiccan chants, wear some steel fangs from Hot Topic and then bathe in the blood bites from each other’s necks and drink from it while their bodies are writhign against one another in raw, energy laced and drug induced sweats of passion, that Twilight Cullen vampire babies will pop out months later!

    My friends, I still wish it were the Dark Ages.  I would ride out in my solemn black garb and take every single vampire mechandise and burn it!  I would find corpses infected with Bubonic plague and get a giant trebuchet, so me and my posse could fling them at the mansions of all the actors writers and HOMOWOOD producers who are behind this filth ruining the lives of millions of our childrens!

    Hot Topic!  This store is the bread basket capital of milling out sinful clothing and these steel vampire teeth to our young ones.  It has only been several years since Dr. Pat Heinkel discovered his daughter was part of this gothic vampire cult.  She wore the clothing and was getting ready to do a pelvic grining ritual before he discovered her secret during a visit to her college. 

    Parents, beware.  Twilight Breaking Dawn is going to be released next week and that is when these parties will supposedly take place.  I urge you all to be terrified and if your daughter is in college, go to her campus unannounced and ruin Rico and Tommy’s plans to play on her naivate and “get some” as they say it.

    You don’t want some embarassing, psychotic little vampire addicted daughter trying to convince you to buy diapers for her mutt 9 months from now, do you?  Just keep her under lock and key on the night this movie premieres, parents.  Heed my warning, or you daughter will get bit in the neck, laced with drugs and pregnant.  This movie is horrible and it does horrible things to the minds of the weak, so keep your daughter under your protection from it.

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    About The Author
    Abe If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack. Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!

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