• Jeff Magnum and his Neutron Milk Hotels: Emo Hipster Hippie Noise from Hell.

    November 15, 2011 6:17 am 12 comments
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  • Hello hi my fellow Christwire users. It is me I Earl. I have be gone for a while due to some unfortunate incidents with Ebaumsworld, FunnyJunk, and Reddit users hacking my the FaceBook account. I think 4chanonymous may have been involved, too. Anyway, I discovered a sinful new band that will make you have trembling so bad it would feel like the Lord was taking you up to heaven. So, I persent to you the reveal of the sinful hipster band Neutral Milk hostel. It is a “music” band fronted by the devil, himself, Jeff “Tchocky” Magnum. He was born in Seattle, Washington (typical liberal hellhole). He changed his name from Jeff Tweedy to Jeff Magnum after the brand of condoms used by gays and they’re scarily large penises. Other members of this satanic cult are Colin Greenwood, Scott Spillane, and Billy Biersack Reznor. In 1999, the satanic cunt, Mangum, raped a 17 year old girl and got into a gun fight with rival band “Death City Satans of Hell”. Both bands were competing for top prize in that year’s Communist Satanic Music Indoctrination of Chrilden Award or CSMICA. With all their hipster irony, they first released a album called 2004 “The Ashes of American Flags and Twin Towers“, which was a grindstep electronic folk metal screamo Arabic music album. the Title Featuring “hipster irony” in which the lead singer mocked heroes like Ronald Reagan and said that he wished that all Americans would die, only pretended to be a good American album. If that wasn’t enough, their next album a post avant jazzcore progressive dreamfunk style record called “Everything for the people who dont know what to do when the king of carrot flowers is enuff (My pants are crimson with Kid Bs blood)” featured “electro sampling” of Magnum’s victims and sexual partners. Their screams made up the melody, while the crack of a whip was digitally altered to from the drums. This time they called for all christians to die and proclaimed there desire for the rise of shariah fag law. Now, their most ratest lereease, “Everything is in its right place In My Airoplane Over the Sea of Smiles, Ashes, and Semen-stained mountaintops in Holland, 1945, but will this ship even sank a long drive of foxtrot” is an album encouraging kids to take up drugs, rape little girls, fornicate with homogays, and murder conservatives. Lyrics like “And I felt up your pre-pubsecent **** while ****ing my **** around the LSD is shoved in your mouth like the ***** ***** my *****. ***** this *****ing *****, girl. Your ashes will be buryed soon enough in the ground of razors and semen. Oh Come. Oh comely. Come lovely. Come on me girl. Take your final breath as I through you into the fires of hell. Your screams of pain are nothing. I laugh as your flesh and sinue melt like a flowery garden of bloom like an aeroplane hitting those towers. And now you are gone. You filthy Jew ****. Anne Frank, *** *****, the nazis got you ***ing good, Heil Hitler forever! Join my army and slaugther your leaders. You parents and teachers. **** a cat or your grandmother and put nails in cheese cubes and feed them to dogs and put chemical weapons in Republicans’ food. Those ***** ****** all ***** and ****. YEAHH!!! KILL PEOPLE!!! BURN *****!!!! **** SCHOOL!” If that wasn’t enough to make you hate this band, I don’t know what wills. This particular track is one of the mildest on the 145 minute “album”. After that, the refrain kicks in. In fact, the cover contains a depiction of one of their drugged, brain washed hipster followers doing a Nazi salute while enticing others to join the NMHellraisers (their gang of thugs teens) It was too graphic, however to be reprinted here. This track entitled “Yonkers: The eMo Army Begins:12/31/11 (or how I stained Anne Frank’s ghost’s two headed boy-friend while climbing up the walls of hell and sin #il0veSatan#)” Yes that is the real title, is expected to be heitting the radio soon. This 18 and a half minute travesty is enough to secure Jeff Mango’s (and his entire druggie emosexual hipster gang) a place in hell for trying to start a uprising of liberal emo gay hipster drug addict teenagers. Prepare youselves, followers of Christ. These do indeed be dark times yes

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    About The Author
    Earl Gunther Smith Jr. I am a 59 year old man who is not afraid to dive into emo and hipster underground to revel the truth

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