• Juliet Simms (Automatic Loveletter) The Emosexual Movements Chief Fag Hag

    November 6, 2011 3:03 am 71 comments
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  • Juliet Simms (Automatic Loveletter) The Emosexual Movements Chief Fag Hag
    – Chuck D. Finley

    Yesterday our beloved sister in christ, Susan B. Xenu wrote an enlightening expose on Andy sixxx Beersack coming out of the sodomy closet with a new boy toy Matt. Countless emosexuals funneled into our holy site, messing up our meager bandwidth, and tagging our comment walls with their obscene messages of hate and cyber bulling, like it were a bridge overpass in a mexican nieghborhood. Many of their hate filled bullying rants involved a woman named Juliet Simms.

    Being that none of the christwire staff are godless emos, we had to do some quick Binging and Wikipediaing. After 12 tireless hours of research this is what I have found out about her.

    She is a talentless whiny loser like the rest of you emos.
    She is from Colorado and a family of musicians. I am sure that it was quite a disapointment to her grand father, aunt, and brother, that she gave up on music and decided to embark on a career of screaming and whining for death faced teen girls. For years she played dive bars and the rare Bat Mitzva party when she was lucky. Finally she got a record deal (probably after sleeping around with countless record execs) but even then the music, if you can call it that, was so bad the record company held off on selling it. She infact had to make illegal copies of her own album and sell. That is pretty pathetic.

    Still to this day no one has ever heard of her band Automatic Loveletter. But what she is famous for is being Andy Berbersacks “girlfriend“. Here is a picture of them toghether.

    Look at his distant uninterested look…
    Now, for comparison sake here is a picture of him with his gay lover Matt Good.

    Notice how Briarsack has mounted him from behind to engage in dry gay humping!

    So why would a woman put herself in a position to be used by a gay man? Good question. Gays are a virus, a cancer, an abomination. They crave being normal and will use people to look normal. Normal for a man is liking women, not craving another mans rear entry to your waste cannal. Also she is signed on to the record company and is selling no records. Who would buy them? So they have to put her to work doing the only thing she can, pretending to be a gays girlfriend.

    But just because she is a talentless ugly girl with no body doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings.

    Here is one of her songs it is called “HUSH” it is about her being legally required by the record company to pretend to be in a loveless relationship with a man that really craves man meat between his buttock cheeks.

    As you can see in that video she doesn’t even look like a woman. She looks more like a young man. She has manly facial features and no breasts. Real men (unlike Biebersack) like big breasts. I know I love my wifes big sweater puppets. I think this is why Biresack likes her so much.

    In this song called “Make Up Smeared Eyes” she crys about being in a relationship with Andy(gay)Sexx Bicksack, where he never had interest in her and dumped her for a man. Like any crying emo, her over abundance of eye shadow smears into her ever moist crying eyes.

    So that is who Juliet Simms is. Just a girl (I think), working off a record company contract, pretending to be a butt pounding gay man’s night time joy. But clearly NOT.

    Thank You
    For reading my article. You may also enjoy my following articles:
    The My Little Pony Abomination: What Is a Bronie and Why They Make God Cry
    Burning Man: A Communist Hippie Sodomy fest or “Rites of Passage”
    You can also catch me every Sunday and Wednesday at my Church in Roswell Georgia. God Bless!

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    About The Author
    Chuck D. Finley Brother Chuck is the Minister of The First Tyranical Church of Jesus in Roswell Ga. He is also a proud husband and father.

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