Following Tyson Bowers III’s now internationally acclaimed journalistic piece that exposed Skyrim’s teaching of homosexual techniques to children, Skyrim’s creators at Blizzard have confessed that the point of Skyrim is to promote gay marriage and “rampant homosexual tendency” in today’s children. The shocking confession is being reported worldwide and already, thousands of parents are sending us letters of support, vowing to destroy their children’s copies of Skyrim with fire and stompings.
It’s been long held Republican knowledge that once society allowed one state to approve gay marriage, that next would be people marrying cats, dogs, lizards and children. Skyrim has done just that and today’s story will not only infuriate you, but make you demand your naive child never play Skyrim again.
From Blizzard’s executive offices in Bethesda, Maryland, the company’s PR man Pete Heiney confirmed the worst of our fears. Via a response to us on Twitter, Heiney unclenched his tightly held lies and confessed that since The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim release, there has been a pointed subliminal programming motifs to make children gay friendly.
This movement to introduce ‘gay marriages’ on Skyrim is part of the apparently homosexual game developer’s agenda to gain sympathetic support to legalize gay marriage in all states. After a half-decade of getting the game’s majority 13-16 year old user base to accept gay marriages as normal, liberals will have a new slew of first-time voters across the United States who will try enact gay marriage and all the perversion that comes with it in real life.
Until the Bowers report on the issue, Skyrim was ‘hush hush’ and mum on the issue, refusing to publically confess what the 20 million children who played the game already knew: homosexuality was present and they were having fun with it.
Heiney confessed first and then Tweeted: No longer is this “hush hush, just not making a hudge deal out of it. You can marry anyone”. In a second Tweet, he continued, “…Not any NPC, I just mean any male or female. Doesn’t matter what you’re playing.”
As if all this is not bad enough, it gets worse and more outlandish.
Skyrim has homosexual Kama Sutra techniques built into the game engine and also ‘groan moan’ functions. Children who play the game can ‘woo’ NPCs, then have an option to ‘fight’ or ‘make-whoopee’. If the player chooses the first option, a standard video game turn-based fight will occur.
Using the second option, one player’s character will begin to fondle the NPC. If the NPC is receptive, a cut-scene will occur where the two will scamper off into a forest and in a closed area, ‘consumate’ with pretty intense graphics.
If the NPC does not respond well to being fondled, the player still has an option to ‘pursue’, where the character can fight the NPC and try to pin it to the ground. If successful, the character will begin grinding its hips above the subdued NPC and moan louder and louder, until a loud moan is heard and the NPC is sodomized against its will.
This sort of gameplay is beyond sick. Throughout the game, anonymous strangers can flirt with one another using ‘relationship boosting tasks’, get ‘roommates’ and ‘traveling companions’, all standard homosexual lingo for Twinky Winky boyfriend.
Once a marriage partnership is connected, when in a purchased home players can climb into bed and press Circle to groan and Triangle to moan. It’s well known that Circles are the symbol of homosexuality (the shape of a loose colon entrance) and a Pink Triangle, as found on the Xbox, is the sign of lesbianism (triangle is similar to an exposed tongue).
Even worse is the orgies. Lesbian and homosexual married couples on the game can go into the “Dawnlands” and have giant homofisted, slapjacking orgies where clamdabbling lesbian dragons, elf anal ticklings and bared thighed homosexuality is rampant and visibly seen on screen. Here two homosexual characters in the game perform reverse sodomy. The game’s intense 3-d engine makes all of these things in your face and it’s no different than the corner homo in your downtown throbbing a master dangle in the face of your daughter or son.
Next, I will show you a gay marriage that took place in Skyrim. This is for you critics out there who will try to deny the homosexuality in this game or cannot believe a company would make a game like this.