The 5 Scariest Halloween Costumes I Saw This Year, and the Three Jesusween Costumes I saw
Halloween is like one of the least Christian holidays of them all, and that’s not counting the fake holidays like hanaca and ramadawn created by other less superior cultures. Very few people went along with the World’s Greatest Idea Ever Relevant to October, or Jesusween. Unfortunately for me this has resulted in some very terrifying and traumatizing costumes that I will be contacting my pastor about for emotional support. What are these terrible abominations of costumes? I’ll tell you, and don’t worry, this won’t be an entirely scary post, there will be Jesus-approved costume ideas so that God won’t smite us all for terrorizing mankind by sharing my experiences.
Elf
What are elves? Skinny homosexual transsexual megalomaniacal beings. I hate elves, and so does Jesus. Elves wear bright colors and have emosexual hair styles. Never dress as an elf, ever.
God’s Gift to women
Today I say two teenage Boys wearing boxes. One had a box around his head, the other around his crotch. Both were wrapped and labelled “FROM: GOD TO: WOMEN”. This is slanderous against God. God knows that a women’s only present is Jesus. Neither of these Boys were Jesus. Freud and impersonation and slander and evil.
Spock
Spock was played by a homosexual in the recent Star Trek movie. He is a jewish atheist pseudohumanoid alien. Shame on him and those who follow him.
Smurf
I saw a woman wearing a smurf costume. Smurfs are little blue communists from Europe from the world’s third most sinful period of time, the 80s. It is also rumored that all smurfs are homosexuals, which explains why there is only one female smurf who was proven to be there to discuss fashion.
Man wearing mascara and wig
Today I saw a sinful transsexual sight. It was a young Man dressed as a “rock star”, more accurately referred to a Rude Satanist by all those who are sane. This Man was wearing mascara, the ladie’s makeup item used to separate eyelashes and make them blacker and more voluminous. This man was also wearing a curly wig. Curly hair is the hair of the jew, which coincides perfectly with the proven fact that 92% of Rude Satanists are jews.
And now onto the Jesus-approved costumes!
Angel
Jesus loves all angels because angels are pretty and frail and angelic. That is why Jesus loves me, because some day I will fit his beautiful and immaculate standards of perfection best exemplified in the stylistic choices of an angel.And angel is the greatest thing to aspire to be.
Michele Bachmann
Greatest, most comparable to a man, woman ever. Michele Bachmann is Jesus’s messenger to the world. Listen to her message.
Fluttershy of My Little Pony
Fluttershy is Jesus’s favorite pony. Who am I to disagree with that reasoning?
HAPPY JESUSWEEN TO ALL OF MY GOOD CHRISTIAN MEN!!!!!!!!!!! 
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Christopher Christenson
Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.
1:57 am
SMURFS! Brother, you had me there!
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2:39 am
Society is so sick. I’m glad the kids have jesusween to spare them from the horrible pagan “holiday” they call halloween.
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11:19 am
I guess you aren’t aware chistmas is a pagan holiday?
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3:11 pm
christmas, easter, and valentines day, or Yule, Eostre and Lupercalia are all pagan holidays
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7:48 pm
Practically every single “Christian” holiday and tradition actually has a pagan background. As stated previously christmas and easter have pagan origins. Christmas traditions come from yule and saturnalia. Easter, the reason behind having eggs? Pagan in origin. It is a symbol of rebirth, a pagan idea. Rebirth is something a large number of pagan gods happen to have apparently done. Osiris, from Ancient Egypt and Dionysus from Ancient Greece. Just look up resurrection gods/deities to get a large list. The halos Christians are so proud of? Pagan. Comes from Ra the Egyptian sun god.
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7:10 am
I saw people dressed like the 99%. This was on November 1st though. Scary!!!
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7:33 pm
Agreed.
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7:49 pm
You both scare too easily
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9:33 pm
August also finds obvious things disturbing.
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7:46 am
The obvious and the different seem to terrify August. I don’t know how he’d manage to leave his house or do anything without being scared to death
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8:40 am
For the record, the holidays mentioned in the first few sentences are spelled Hanukkah and Ramadan.
Also, not all Jews have curly hair, half of my family is Jewish and I know of only two people with curly hair, the rest have hair straight as a bone.
And finally, why is there a picture of Spock doing his famous “Live long and prosper” symbol if earlier in the article he was being bashed? That seems a bit inconsistent to me.
Peace
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12:08 pm
I take it angels arent homosexual because you like the costume, but all angels wear dresses. Isnt that a problem. Does that not shout Gay to the world you fucking judgemental bastards that have nothing better to do than pass judgement on everything. Dosent it say in the bible thou shall not judge others.
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1:59 pm
Angels wear holy smocks, not dresses.
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3:21 pm
either way still not pants. Gay trannys wear “smocks” too, so are they angels.
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12:57 pm
What’s the FIRST most sinful period in history? And, if you have time, the second?
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3:33 pm
the first is when christianity was created second is when america was created
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7:43 pm
1st is right now, 2nd is the 20s.
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7:56 pm
Really the most sinful time in history is now? You can’t know much about history if you think that. There have been events in history that are far worse than any occurring right now. Even if you take the sins stated in the bible there has to be at least 100 historical periods in history. Times of much murder rape and pillaging have happened in the past. Times when homosexuality was not only accepted by everyone but considered a rite of passage. And now is the most sinful (in a Christian’s eyes) period of history?
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9:35 pm
So what you’re saying is that the Holocaust is better than right now? That the Crusades were better than right now? That the Rape of Nanking was BETTER than right now?
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9:36 pm
Also, didn’t you say you would fuck a horse in the MLP article you wrote?
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3:48 pm
I once bored a hole in the “holy bible” and trained a pig to have sex with it.
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4:11 pm
dude. you say you’re tolerent. you’re really just a commie bastard who thinks everyone not just like you is sinful. fuck you man, fuck you. oh, and ponies rule. and i is christian.
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7:06 pm
Fuck your covert skinhead website, you sick fucks.
And while I’m at it: Fuck all you fools and your your ignorant superstitious bullshit!
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9:07 pm
Just because you disagree with someone’s religious traditions doesn’t mean they are “fake holidays”. They are still holidays. The holidays stated, Ramadan and Hanukkah (correct spelling by the way, do not come from inferior cultures. For one they aren’t inferior, just different. Two they are from different religions not different cultures. Religion is just a tiny part of what makes a culture and cultures can have multiple religions.
Also Halloween is the least Christian of all holidays? Probably not when you consider that every “Christian” holiday has a pagan beginning and filled with pagan traditions. This includes Christmas (everything including the date is pagan) and Easter.
Now on to the costumes
Elves
Firstly they are fictional. Secondly, they are not “homosexual transsexual megalomaniacal beings” Firstly not all are guaranteed to be gay as they have children and male/female families. Secondly, they are comfortable as they are, just because the males don’t always appear the most masculine built doesn’t make them gay or transsexual. Finally, elves never seek out personal fame, power or wealth. Their actions are always selfless, the exact opposite of megalomaniacal beings there Also Jesus taught not to hate so I find it hard to believe that he’d hate anything or anyone.
God’s gift to women
I agree this is a stupid costume but mainly as it is childish and immature not for your reasons. “God knows that a women’s only present is Jesus.” Grammar point here it is a WOMAN, multiple WOMEN. This simple mistake I have had to point out to others on the site. Also a woman’s only gift is Jesus? I think not. The costume definitely isn’t “Freud and impersonation and slander and evil”. Firstly Sigmund Freud was a psychologist what you are thinking of is fraud which is untrue anyway. No one is being impersonated. No slander as isn’t malicious and defamation of anyone’s character. And no it is not evil. Murder is evil stupid costume is just idiotic.
Spock
The actor’s sexuality is irrelevant to the character. You can’t be Jewish and an atheist atheism is the belief that there is no god at all there is a god in Jewish beliefs and all other religions. The two are mutually exclusive.
Smurfs
One, they may be a society that is run by the people for the people but nothing is wrong with that. Two, yes the original idea comes from Belgium but that was in the late 50′s. The animation, which I guess you are referring to, did air first in the 80′s but it was an American show. Finally, there was never a suggestion that they were homosexual. Smurfette was actually created by the smurfs enemy to be their downfall but it never worked. Hardly there just for fashion.
Man Wearing Mascara and Wig
Rock stars are not Rude Satanists. Many, not all, are actually quite polite and most if they use the whole Satan imagery (which is very few) it is almost always nothing more than a gimmick. In fact pop stars have a greater reputation for rudeness than rock stars. Jewish doesn’t equal rude or Satanist.
So called Jesus-approved costumes.
Angel
Firstly according to Christian beliefs people can’t and don’t become angels. Angels are the warriors of god. Another thing, I bet the person dressed as an angel you saw had a halo. A halo is a pagan symbol originating from the sun god Ra.
Michele Bachmann
Didn’t you already have a go at people for impersonating someone else? Now you suggest people impersonate some woman. Also greatest woman ever? Doubtful, pretty sure others have offered greater contributions to society. Most comparable to a man? WTF?!? You sexist. Men and women are different but they ARE of equal value.
Fluttershy of My Little Pony
Doubt Jesus would have a favourite “My Little Pony” what with the show being on about 2000 years after his death. Just because Fluttershy is your favourite doesn’t mean it is his. If it was how would you know? Does he tell you his opinions on children’s tv show aimed at little girls? If so seek help.
JESUSWEEN DOESN’T EXIST AS A HOLIDAY
Hope every sane person enjoyed their nice pagan HALLOWEEN holiday.
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1:12 am
finally a sane person on here. only thing i have to correct on was atheism is sort of a religion. for example you can neither deny or believe there is a god and just be neutral to the subject as i am. and i know im going to get hate from some retard on this site going your going to hell but honestly, im looking at religions, was raised mormon, and know this site is completely untrue to the bible. i can understand the stuff against gays on here but mexicans and africans. it says that their ancestors were cursed and marked with different skin, but the curse only affected those who were first cursed. the mark however remains.
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3:27 pm
One thing if you are against differnt races, wouldn’t that make you just like Adolf Hitler, the man who killed many people just because the way they looked? You people using words is no better than him killing them, have you not got enough of a mind to see that your sins are no different than his? History often repeats itself in many ways but some are to idiodic to realize this. This day and age is the new holocaust, this is our blasphmy.
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9:47 am
i totally agree with you jezabella
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3:32 pm
Oh yeah one other thing, other holiays in other religoins are pretty much the same as christmas but with a different name and differnt ways of celebration. The religions with an actual god are the same as ours, but the only difference is that the name was fitted for the native language. I believe that whatever you believe in is right there are many countries on this Earth so why cant there be multiple “heavens” for all the others.
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3:07 pm
You do know that Jesus is jewish right?
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9:46 am
I thought to be a true christain you couldnt be judgemental. Seriously if thats true then alot of you so called christains are going to hell too.
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10:13 am
Eh, these guys just like to Copy&Paste what parts of the bible to enforce and which to ignore. Sorta explains their wishy-washy ways
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10:21 am
At first I was wholeheartedly agreeing with you, then you mentioned Fluttershy. I love Jesus with all my soul, but My Little Pony Friendship is Magic is just pure Satanism and I am shocked and appalled that you mentioned it!
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