• The 5 Scariest Halloween Costumes I Saw This Year, and the Three Jesusween Costumes I saw

    November 1, 2011 1:48 am 32 comments
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  • Halloween is like one of the least Christian holidays of them all, and that’s not counting the fake holidays like hanaca and ramadawn created by other less superior cultures. Very few people went along with the World’s Greatest Idea Ever Relevant to October, or Jesusween. Unfortunately for me this has resulted in some very terrifying and traumatizing costumes that I will be contacting my pastor about for emotional support. What are these terrible abominations of costumes? I’ll tell you, and don’t worry, this won’t be an entirely scary post, there will be Jesus-approved costume ideas so that God won’t smite us all for terrorizing mankind by sharing my experiences.


    What are elves? Skinny homosexual transsexual megalomaniacal beings. I hate elves, and so does Jesus. Elves wear bright colors and have emosexual hair styles. Never dress as an elf, ever.

    God’s Gift to women

    Today I say two teenage Boys wearing boxes. One had a box around his head, the other around his crotch. Both were wrapped and labelled “FROM: GOD TO: WOMEN”. This is slanderous against God. God knows that a women’s only present is Jesus. Neither of these Boys were Jesus. Freud and impersonation and slander and evil.


    Spock was played by a homosexual in the recent Star Trek movie. He is a jewish atheist pseudohumanoid alien. Shame on him and those who follow him.


    I saw a woman wearing a smurf costume. Smurfs are little blue communists from Europe from the world’s third most sinful period of time, the 80s. It is also rumored that all smurfs are homosexuals, which explains why there is only one female smurf who was proven to be there to discuss fashion.

    Man wearing mascara and wig

    Today I saw a sinful transsexual sight. It was a young Man dressed as a “rock star”, more accurately referred to a Rude Satanist by all those who are sane. This Man was wearing mascara, the ladie’s makeup item used to separate eyelashes and make them blacker and more voluminous. This man was also wearing a curly wig. Curly hair is the hair of the jew, which coincides perfectly with the proven fact that 92% of Rude Satanists are jews.

    And now onto the Jesus-approved costumes!


    Jesus loves all angels because angels are pretty and frail and angelic. That is why Jesus loves me, because some day I will fit his beautiful and immaculate standards of perfection best exemplified in the stylistic choices of an angel.And angel is the greatest thing to aspire to be.

    Michele Bachmann

    Greatest, most comparable to a man, woman ever. Michele Bachmann is Jesus’s messenger to the world. Listen to her message.

    Fluttershy of My Little Pony

    Fluttershy is Jesus’s favorite pony. Who am I to disagree with that reasoning?


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    About The Author
    Christopher Christenson Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.

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