• 11/22/63 by Stephen King: A Christian Book Review

    December 28, 2011 11:16 am 32 comments

    First off, Merry Christmas to both Christians and unsaved heathens alike. I hope you all had a wonderful day of worship, family, and prayer. During the 70s and 80s, Stephen King was my favourite conservative author. However, in recent years, perhaps due to senility brought on by his old age, Mr King has included many godless liberal elements in his newer novels, which of course caused massive drops in sales, and caused many a fan to promise Christ never to read such filth again, including yours truly. So imagine my surprise when I unwrapped my wife’s gift to me, Stephen King’s 11/22/63. I immediately questioned her on her choice of gift, but despite my better judgement decided to give it a chance anyway.

    Stephen King: From Saint to Satanist

    Here are some examples of Stephen King’s earlier, Christ-friendly work, contrasted with my review of this new book.

    The Stand
    A work to rival God’s own ‘Left Behind’ series. The gay-spread AIDS epidemic sends 99% of Americans to hell. A selection of Christians hand picked by God himself to live must now make a final stand against Satan and his assortment of atheist, leftist, satanic, homogay followers who have turned the already sin dreanched Las Vegas into their heathen kingdom.

    A masterpiece warning its readers of the dangers of homosexuality. The plot concerns a sodomite who is thrown off a bridge by a group of Christians from disobeying the word of God. He then dresses up as a clown and lives in the sewers and preying on White Christian children from the suberbs above. He changes form multiple times, a metaphor for how easily a homosexual can infiltrate a community.

    Pet Sematary
    An educational book warning us why only Christ should have the power to revive the dead and the consequences for dabbling in Satanism. It contains many bible quotes and also warns of the many dangers of cat ownership.

    11/22/63: A Christian Book Review

    The main protangist of this book is a college English teacher. This immediately set off alarms in my mind, as college ‘professors’ are usually marxist extremists. I nevertheless kept reading about this commie discovering a ‘magic door’ to 1958, and decides to go back in time to stop John F Kennedy from being assassinated. As well as oozing Satanism, this device also goes against the Bible, which states that the will of God is SUPREME and CANNOT BE UNDONE. Why anyone would want to save Kennedy in the first place is beyond me altogether. Not only was he a Catholic heathen, but he also defied the bond of matrimony by having an affair with noted whorelot Marilyn Monroe, and is regarded by scholars as the most unfaithful president until Bill Clinton contaminated the white house with his waste.
    The self-satisfied smirk says it all
    The self satisfied smirk says it all

    We then learn that his motivation for defying God’s will is so that the Vietnam war will never happen. Even as I am writing this I can’t help but tremble with rage, as I’m sure most of you are also doing. So Stephen King thinks the world would be a better place if communist athiest chinamen were allowed to overrun the white Christian lands of the pacific and Australia without resitance? Many brave Americans died so that the human race could continue to thrive, and this ‘book’ spits on all of their graves. We should have nuked every communist controlled city in Asia in the 60s to permanently wipe the stain of communism from the world. But instead Jimmy Carter decided to relent and let the communists live, and as a result we now have a socialist president.

    The story also contains extremely graphic descriptions of Children being murdered, and even implies that in the 50s Christian fathers attacked their children with sledgehammers. I could not finish this book, as its content made me literally sick to my stomach and soul. I confronted my wife about bringing such filth into my home and punished her accordingly. Stephen King will no doubt burn in the lowest circle of hell for this abomination, and we can only pray that he is sent there soon.
    Stephen King, shuddering as he learns his fate
    Stephen King, shuddering as he learns his fate

    I have already talked to my Pastor about this book, and a mass burning has been organised for this Sunday after Church. I urge the rest of you to try to get the same thing organised in your town, so that God’s land can be cleansed of this liberal garbage.

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    About The Author
    Felton Gonsalues Felton Gonsalues is a history teacher at a Christian high school. His teaching are a much needed light in a world shrouded in liberal atheist fog.

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