For it is written:
“And there was trembling in the host, in the field, and among all the people: the garrison, and the spoilers, they also trembled, and the earth quaked: so it was a very great trembling.” 1 Samuel 14:15, KJV
Behold, the power of God against gays!
God shakes the Earth because gays shake their male members where they shouldn’t!
Only hours ago, Ohio gays were sassfrashing all about, wildly shaking their manes and reveling in alcohol and sodomy as they prepared to bring in the New Year with a big backside bang! But God had a bang of his own planned for these marriage wreckers!
Gays want to shake their members inside one another and have it be legalized under marriage! They are very jealous of us normal folks because we are favored by God! That is why they broke apart the marriage of this fine woman and forced her to cheat on her husband, then told him on national television!
These are the type of things that anger God ands rumors surfaced that Ohio gays were planning to follow suit, playing limp wristed copycat and ruining the marriage of other normal people!
God’s wrath started hours ago. To make things good, he shook the area of McDonald, Ohio, where a great gas line lays next to a wastewater mainline! He mixed the two up and with but just a puff of his angered nostrils, he caused a great shaking of the ground and explosion!
The tectonic plates shifted more roughly than a gay back burglar who forgot his luber! The crusts of the Earth gave way to damnation and destruction, causing fear and panic all throughout the gay friendly area of Northeast Ohio!
A geologist in the region, Ted Albright, confessed that this event was due to back peddling each other’s colons!
“The seismic events are not a direct result of fracking,” Albright said.3
I have no idea what it means when do gays go do a fracking with each other, but it sounds gross!
At time of report, over 7,900 people have reported injured, over 70 homes destroyed and several people are missing. As 2012 comes to a close, let us hope the gays learn their lesson and announce they will no longer seek to get married.