• Adam Lambert Arrested in Finland for Homosexual Fisticuffs

    December 22, 2011 11:02 am 5 comments

    Scratchy and sassy by their very nature, gays routinely get into cat fights.  This especially holds true when they go drink their salt spritzed martinis and cosmos at their fancy gay pride clubs.  So you mix all those ingredients together and ad in drama queen diva attitude and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.  Enter Adam Lambert.

    adam-lambert-sauli-koskinenWe first warned everyone about a young man from Tennessee who mocked Johnny Cash by calling himself ‘the man in black’.  If that wasn’t bad enough, he then sounded suspiciously like Freddy Mercury and after extensive research who found that Freddy Mercury’s demon had taken over the body of this boy.

    Regardless of him needing an exoersession or not, I will sleep better tonight knowing that the good people of Finland have taken one more bottom lecture disease spreader off the street.

    The good police of Finland responded to a call outside Finland club “Hyvää Homoseksuaaliset vittu” which roughly translates to ‘The Happy Homosexual’s Cold Clenched Colon” in American.

    Lambert was there with his colon ticklking comrade Sauli Kiskinen, which is like Finland’s Justin Bieber.  The dispute started at the Clenched Colon bar in Hellsinky, the capital of Finland.  Like most gay fights it was loud and screechy, with onlookers throwing drinks at each other and the big ball of rioting fruitloops spilled out into the street.  Cops were called and suffered many ‘scratches and groping, and one cop was reverse sodomized’.

    The fight left dozens of others wounded and the Finnish military had to be called in to help corral all the flailing gays.


    Gay riot that started at Finnish night club still rages on at time of report.

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