Brain-Killing Neti Pot Strain Terrifies Marijuana Users
More great news today on the war on drugs. There is a new mutant strain of marijuana called The Neti Pot. Like all whacko tobacco straints, neti pot is highly addictive and makes the user violent, promiscuous and dangerous. Two puffs of most strains of these illicit drugs will give the mind a ‘swiss hole cheese’ effect, as seen with meth and crack users.
It is important to remember that gateway drugs like meth and crack are mild when compared to pot, because pot can be easily concealed and usually abused in higher doses. Most inner city violence stems around these drug plants and until now, a new era of cheap pot and massive usage were threatening even suburban schools.
While many are wondering where this new strain of neti pot originated, my suspiscion lies with presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. Long ago, potential President Gingrich recognized that those addicted to marijuana are a lost cause. They understand nothing but the raging, confused thoughts that cause voices in their heads to yell at them, coercing them to do evil things like steal, kill, pillage and rape. Potheads are a danger and it is better for everyone if they are just put to death, as Newt Gingrich stated himself in 1996.
Neti pot smokes like black crystal but packs the punch of lsd sprinkled magic mint. The end effect leaves users wide-eyed and with a cotton mouth, a vicious beast without a common shred of decency.
A rampant pothead illegally toked himself a hit of some smoked drugs and paid the price. Neti pot has caused this man's fingers to rot off and the brain casing surrounding his cerebrum to mush, which will eventually give way to the really bad after effects. About 92% of all marijuana strains in America will be crossbred infested with neti pot by the year 2013.
While many drug users may be attracted to such a thing, it is not the pot itself that causes the full scope of the eventual symptoms. About 10 minutes after imbibing neti pot, the user will experience sharp migraine machete stabbing headache pains and blurry vision.
Then, it gets worse:
20 – 45 minutes
Ice cold chills and general malaise with marked palor of skin. A high fever of over 115 degrees Fahrenheit. Excrutiating muscle cramps and unbearable rectal sphincter contraction.
- 1 – 2 hours
Bubos began to swell and then explode in the testicular area in men. This is caused by lymph fluid being trapped within the body’s constricting vasculature. The most common sites of internal buildup are the testes, armpits, neck and main lymphatic nodes.
2 – 3 hours
Grand mal seizures, skin turns pink as blood vessels began to weep from microscopic tears. The amoeba that is present within neti pot make their way to the body’s cephalic region.
3 – 4 hours
Bleeding from the eye (cochlea). Gangrene of the extremities. Brain begins to mush and build gas as the amoeba eats through layer after layer.
5 hours
Death.
The course of this infestation is fast. The CDC estimates that by 2013, 92% of all pot plants will be of the neti pot variety. Each of these plants harbor a symbiotic relationship with a type of airborne amoeba that seems to be omnipresent about the world. On its own, the mysterious amoebas are not a danger. But once within the neti pot plant, develop an ability to be the worst pathogen known to mankind.
This dangerous plant is spreading quickly through Southern California and is being sold illegally at schwag shops as it produces a ‘mind numbing high’ in those ‘lucky’ enough to ‘score’ a weaker strain that numbs the mind and does not cause death within 5 hours.
If you are a parent, make sure to have the talk to your child about the dangers of drugs. Make sure to give them a pamphlet version of this article to pass out to their friends, so they will not die.
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Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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1:26 am
This is God’s punishment for the sin of injecting marijuana.
Your body is holy and clean, and if you toxify it with Marijuana you are insulting God Himself.
Let this be a lesson to the hippy scumbags.
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4:50 am
Hey Mr. as a hippie scum bag I love to smoke me some cock, uh-hmmm. I mean weed. I love weed. I don’t want my face to fall off you mean old man.
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2:22 pm
Another hater! How adorable! Can’t bother to think of anything original on your own so you have to steal my thunder? Aww!
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2:26 pm
You don’t inject Marijuana you idiot. You smoke it. Or bake it into things like flapjack and eat it.
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2:55 am
So everything is insulting god. Man your guy’s lives must be really boring if you can’t do anything without insulting some god.
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3:16 am
On the contrary, my life is wonderful. I take solace in the fact that I will be accepted into God’s Kingdom on the day of my passing.
Can you say the same?
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4:51 am
what the fuck is a pebrock?
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1:14 pm
I’ll never tell.
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3:49 am
I hope all of these hippies that go around saying “God made it man, so it can’t be bad” will die of this pot strain. These hippies are just as bad as the emosexuals that tell us that God loves everyone. No he doesn’t. Jesus might but his father is still angry and vengeful.
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3:59 am
Amen!
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3:47 pm
Then why the hell would you go around claiming that jesus hates everyone that isn’t a christian?
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1:04 pm
U do know that u can’t inject weed u can just smoke it I would know ok plus on a side note u can’t shove any drugs up ur ass either ok. The weed u described above is fake cuz if it were real I would have smoked it by now. So yea lies. Plus all u other guys shod know by now that these ppl are fake and this is one really lame old joke already. Oh well all I can Sonia just give u guys the REAL facts.
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4:13 pm
Alison, are you still in the LA area? Do you want to grab a coffee at Starbucks?
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5:27 am
I actually hate this site but i agree with this article that drugs are bad U:
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5:33 am
DRUGS ARE NOT BAD I DO THEM ALL THE TIME
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3:50 pm
But marijuana has many medical properties that can help people in need. But I agree, they shouldn’t be abused as a drug.
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1:02 pm
My doctor makes me take drugs.
The Neti Pot is also a special kind of jug that you pour into your nose in order to clear out your sinuses. It has nothing to do with drugs, as it only uses water.
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8:50 am
Wtf??? You christians suck ass, there’s no way marijuana could do this, nearly all marihuana smokers are friendly, relaxed, and want peace in this world. This neti pot doesnt exist, and if it would, it are just dumb weed smokers that buy it, you should know what type your weed is and from who you buy it from. This article is written by a ignorant fool, who doesnt respect nature and its spiritual contents.
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8:50 am
Plus, how could it be that the neti pot is highly addictive, if the smoker dies after using it?
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6:01 pm
Can’t we all just get along?
Why do you have such a problem with what other people do? This story must be a joke because these “facts” are all fabrications (poor ones at that) and/or written by someone who has obviously never tried weed and seems to have something against it for some reason (perhaps they had deadbeat parents who smoked/drank too much while they were supposed to be raising a child).
Either way, whoever wrote it knows it’s not true. Just stupid propaganda to promote the mindless “don’t question authority” routine. But on another note, who gave you all the right to judge one another? I suppose you’re entitled to your opinion, so here’s mine; Christians come from a disgusting lineage of people who have committed countless atrocities throughout history in the name of God. Take the Crusades for example; Christian soldiers mercilessly killing men, women and children to steal Jerusalem from the Muslims, simply because they wanted it (only to lose it a short time later).
Obviously things haven’t change too much. Except now, God isn’t telling Kings or Emperors to take lives and land, but supposedly poisoning us with natural medicine? Are you kidding me? If God is the final judge (or St. Peter, I don’t know how that b.s. works), why should you even care? Live and let live, practice what you preach.
It seems to me like some people have a problem understanding other people may not believe the exact same thing as them, and maybe that scares people. Heck, I’d be scared of everything if I was as dumb/ignorant as some people out there. But, they say ignorance is bliss and it’s a free country so you can be as dumb as you want. Who am I to judge you?
I can assure you, weed is a medicine. It can be abused, like all other substances, but is far less harmful on your body/mind than most other “drugs” out there, pharmaceutical or natural. Given the choice, I prefer the latter. (You’re really going to take a stop-smoking pill that will increase the chance of “thoughts of suicide”? Seriously??)
As a long time user, I will tell you the only side effects I experience are a loss of pain in my back, relaxed/focused state of mind, complacent/content mood and an appetite for just about anything about an hour after the fact. This is also true for 100% of every olther user I’ve met, but I haven’t met everyone. Not yet.
I myself believe in no particular God or religion. I hold my own beliefs in what you could call “reality”. If there is any supreme being, that would be it. How can you not see it?! Oh wait I forgot, you probably didn’t understand that. I hope I didn’t scare you.
And go ahead, call me the devil or tell me I’m going to burn in hell, because I honestly couldn’t care less. I was raised with good morals, values and ethics. I know I’m not perfect, I’ve never lied (…’Kay that was a lie) but I still try to help make people’s lives easier everyday, just because I know it’s a nice feeling to have something nice done for you, and I don’t steal from people because I know it’s not a good feeling when something is stolen from you. Is this common sense or are you getting scared?
Have a nice day, everybody.
From, a friendly Canadian stoner.
Ps; George Washington grew weed. Early settlers in Jamestown, Virginia were required to grow it to settle there. Look it up, there’s quite an interesting history behind the plant. It was widely grown and used up until about a century ago (that’s 100 years, folks), around the same time the centralized banking system was instituted and they started taxing income. Boy, what a trade.
Pps; I’ve probably got your crosshairs aiming at me now, eh?
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10:14 pm
Haha! So I just realized this site is satirical. You got me! I was truely scared there for a while.
This makes the username I made just for that post seem as stupid as I look right now. Oh well.
Smoke another one down!
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1:20 am
I’ll admit there is no god and we are all responsible for ourselves. Billy Meier for world president!!! Watch the silent revolution of truth on youtube , theyfly.com figu.org billyforkids.info
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