More great news today on the war on drugs. There is a new mutant strain of marijuana called The Neti Pot. Like all whacko tobacco straints, neti pot is highly addictive and makes the user violent, promiscuous and dangerous. Two puffs of most strains of these illicit drugs will give the mind a ‘swiss hole cheese’ effect, as seen with meth and crack users.
It is important to remember that gateway drugs like meth and crack are mild when compared to pot, because pot can be easily concealed and usually abused in higher doses. Most inner city violence stems around these drug plants and until now, a new era of cheap pot and massive usage were threatening even suburban schools.
While many are wondering where this new strain of neti pot originated, my suspiscion lies with presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. Long ago, potential President Gingrich recognized that those addicted to marijuana are a lost cause. They understand nothing but the raging, confused thoughts that cause voices in their heads to yell at them, coercing them to do evil things like steal, kill, pillage and rape. Potheads are a danger and it is better for everyone if they are just put to death, as Newt Gingrich stated himself in 1996.
Neti pot smokes like black crystal but packs the punch of lsd sprinkled magic mint. The end effect leaves users wide-eyed and with a cotton mouth, a vicious beast without a common shred of decency.
While many drug users may be attracted to such a thing, it is not the pot itself that causes the full scope of the eventual symptoms. About 10 minutes after imbibing neti pot, the user will experience sharp migraine machete stabbing headache pains and blurry vision.
Then, it gets worse:
20 – 45 minutes
Ice cold chills and general malaise with marked palor of skin. A high fever of over 115 degrees Fahrenheit. Excrutiating muscle cramps and unbearable rectal sphincter contraction.
- 1 – 2 hours
Bubos began to swell and then explode in the testicular area in men. This is caused by lymph fluid being trapped within the body’s constricting vasculature. The most common sites of internal buildup are the testes, armpits, neck and main lymphatic nodes.
2 – 3 hours
Grand mal seizures, skin turns pink as blood vessels began to weep from microscopic tears. The amoeba that is present within neti pot make their way to the body’s cephalic region.
3 – 4 hours
Bleeding from the eye (cochlea). Gangrene of the extremities. Brain begins to mush and build gas as the amoeba eats through layer after layer.
The course of this infestation is fast. The CDC estimates that by 2013, 92% of all pot plants will be of the neti pot variety. Each of these plants harbor a symbiotic relationship with a type of airborne amoeba that seems to be omnipresent about the world. On its own, the mysterious amoebas are not a danger. But once within the neti pot plant, develop an ability to be the worst pathogen known to mankind.
This dangerous plant is spreading quickly through Southern California and is being sold illegally at schwag shops as it produces a ‘mind numbing high’ in those ‘lucky’ enough to ‘score’ a weaker strain that numbs the mind and does not cause death within 5 hours.
If you are a parent, make sure to have the talk to your child about the dangers of drugs. Make sure to give them a pamphlet version of this article to pass out to their friends, so they will not die.