• Candid: Kim Jong Il Death, Was Planning for Playboy Issue Dec

    December 19, 2011 6:52 am 1 comment

    Sitting in his luxorious transport train, Il hosts a routine 'Sexy sexy Kim Time' party in which he and his aides would sit in their "American thong white panties" and consume large amounts of beer, before rolling around with men and women in balls of alleged debauchery. Il wanted this antics to be shown in the December 2012 issue of Playboy, where he planned to give Americans 'a Christmas they never forget.

    Candid photos of decease dictator Kim Jong Il are starting to emerge from a mourning North Korea, the brainwashed citizens lost without their iconic leader and strongman against American will.
     
    Behind the politics of Kim Jong Il was a very awkward man that many may not know about.  Il enjoyed random walks along the countryside and playing “gotcha” with workers all across the countryside of his totalitarian nation.
     
    Kim’s greatest passion in life was actually Hollywood movies.  The dicator had a lifelong goal of one day being invited to Los Angeles and being invited as a guest producer/director for a Hollywood movie.
     
    During the 1980s, Il actually kidnapped one American actor from South Korea and one American actress (the actor’s wife) and made them star in movies he had scripted as their torture.
     
    To break them, Kim Jong Il made the couple eat grass and dress in weird, provocative outfits.  No, none of this is made up to make this story juicier, you liberals.
     
    Kim wanted a masterpiece socialist version of Godzilla and his two kidnapped thespians became the stars of his work.  The movie was allegedly a huge success, with a 99% approval rating by the entire public who was ‘encouraged’ to go see it and give it 5/5 stars.
     
    To date, Il’l bond collection is over 20,000 films and it’s rumored that the dictator, on multiple occassion, tried to bribe Sean Connery to visit his nation ‘as a special guest’.
     
    According to Kim Jong Il, the meaning to life was pretty simple.  Obey him, eat pizza washed down with Hennesy and then, you would know and see God.
     
    In 2009, Il became bored with all his oddball requisite evil dictator eccentric behavior and sought to get into a more ‘thrilling’ line of work.  Therefore, with the help of several collegaues he contacted Hugh Heffner and begged to be let into an issue of Playboy.  No, not Playgirl.  Il thought it would be funnier to be “Ms. North Korea” and shock readers as the centerfold.
     
    Around this time Kim launched his “Sexy Sexy Kim Time” campaign in North Korea, where his populace got to see artwork as seen at right throughout their major city of Pyongyang.
     
    Needless to say, Heffner sees Lindsay Lohan as a better choice than Kim Jong Il and told the dictator, purportedly, ‘maybe in 2012, if the world is still here.’
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