The other day, my Friend John from Church and I went to the movie theater. John had informed me that one of my Favorite Republicans, J. Edgar Hoover, was starring in a biopic about him. Mr. Hoover is a Personal Idol of mine. Mr. Hoover had a zero-tolerance policy and didn’t like immigrants. Mr. Hoover was a Wonderful, a Good Man. John and I were very Excited to see this film, J. Edgar. I was a bit wary that the role of Mr. Hoover would be played by Leonardo Dicaprio, a young actor known for his roles in pornographic films like Titanic and Romeo and Juliet. I was also a bit concerned about the director, Clint Eastwood, because I know that he has made movies praising abortion, boxing and other races. Still, I went into this movie with High Expectations because it had a Personal Hero in it. Little did I know, it is a horrifying movie.
According to this movie which I do not at all condone and would like to send to a fiery pit with all of the other homosexual dreck of the past century, Mr. Hoover was a homogay. I cannot process this. J. Edgar Hoover was a Heterosexual. If he weren’t, then why would I Like him? Mr. Client Eastwood and Mr. FamousPainterAndTurtle SuperLongItalianLastNameThatIDon’tFeelLikeWritingOut did not do their research on J. Edgar Hoover. Hoover hated homosexuals. Hoover was well aware of the feminazi democrat Ellenor Roosevelt’s latent lesbianism and did not tolerate it. He fired homosexual FBI agents. He also had dinners with famous female Hollywood starlets before Hollywood turned into the rotting carcass of AIDS and diamonds that it is today.
Anyways, the content of this movie is telling us certain things, but it is most obvious in some scenes. I will start this off. Mr. Hoover and some accomplices are eating at the bar and talking. There is a Tall and strikingly Handsome Man in a dapper suit across the way and Hoover and this Man make eye contact. This was like how me and many of my Friends met, except in Church, not in a bar where sin happens. Clyde looks slightly jewish because he has a prominent nose, so I am suspicious. I am also feeling wary about that fancy ensemble he is wearing. Anyways, Mr. Hoover has a conversation with this Man and they decide to work together. They have a job interview where we find out that this Boy is named Clyde and he is not displaying interest in the female species. I was getting nervous here. After 18 years of being coworkers, Mr. Hoover promotes Clyde to be his Manservant. They go everywhere together just like a Heterosexual Couple except in the most raunchy and not-Heterosexual way ever. They go to trials and press conferences together. They sit in cars together. They go to horse races together. This is very gross and hard for me to handle. In one scene, Mr. Hoover and Clyde are allegedly in a car together in the back seat while Anna Hoover, the mother of J. Edgar, is sitting in the front. Mr. Hoover and Clyde are holding hands sinfully and they say they will go to a bar together after mother goes to sleep like a Good, Moral woman would. Truly shameful.
In one scene, Mr. Hoover is with Clyde and some ladies at a restaurant and one of the females asks him to dance and he and Clyde leave. Mr. Hoover’s mother says that he is a daffodil. In reality Mr. Hoover was a Great Man and not a homosexual, but the movie is portraying him as such. At this point, John and I are extremely uncomfortable and we are passing reassuring notes of Christianity to each other. J. Edgar and Clyde are in a room and J. Edgar wisely says that he wants to get a wife, but Clyde says that he “loves” him and they get into a fight. Their lips smash together in a clash of sin and anti-Heterosexuality and it is very gross. This lasts for around 30 minutes. They leave that position and Clyde says to never do that to him again and so does Mr. Hoover, and then in a moment of anti-Heterosexual pathos he whispers that he loves him. I know that this is not true in reality and this movie desperately aims for a suspension of disbelief, but poorly.
They get old and then they die attached to each other. “J. Edgar”, the film is basically the homosexual propaganda Emotional “Human Centipede”, another anti-Christian film. But this isn’t the first time that Hollywood and the manipulative liberal elite has tried to make Real Heterosexuals appear to be less than.
Above: Hollywood wants you to think that Shakespeare is a homosexual, according to the 1996 movie Shakespeare in Love
If you go on the liberally biased website “wikipedia”, a website that wants you to believe that Obama was born in America and homosexuality is natural, it proclaims that you can speculate about the homosexuality of many True Americans. Abraham Lincoln, J. Edgar Hoover, Winston Shakespeare, Jesus, and David and Jonathan from the Bible, among others. Now if, instead of trying to back up any claims of historical Republican American’s sexuality by using wikipedia, I suggest Conservapedia, the unbiased and rational and logical wiki.
My advice to all of my Moral, Upstanding Comrades in Christ, don’t trust hollywood. Even if there is a movie about your Moral Idols and Role Models. Hollywood has been taken over by the liberal elite, the jews and the homosexuals. When Seventh Heaven ended, morality in Hollywood ended. Watch movies produced by independent Christian Companies. Even Better, read the Bible. It’s called the GOOD BOOK for a reason. And just know that in the Rapture Jesus will save you but will smite all of those sinners for all of Eternity.