Children around the world will soon be leaving home-baked cookies out near their chimneys, hoping for the legendary magical saint from the North Pole to bring them presents. But are they really in fact conjuring up a seance for the Beast of the Apocalypse to possess all in your household who utter his name? It sure seems that way.
In America, Santa Claus has long been used by liberals, Wiccans, and homosexuals as a way to distract the Christian majority from the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But what they don’t realize, and what I detail out below, is that Santa Claus, or as many believers will tell you, Satan Claus, is all too well the prophesied Beast of the End Times who will mercilessly destroy all who submit to his bidding in the fiery lake of hell. Thankfully it’s not all bad news! You can protect yourself from eternal damnation by being aware of his tricks and traps!
Satan Orders His Demons to Dress up as “Santa Claus” to Brainwash America’s Children
Like Adolf Hitler, Barack Obama, and Elton John, Satan knows that to grow an army of obedient slaves you must brainwash children. Nazi’s gave Hitler Youth cute outfits and haircuts. Obama gave teenagers “Change” and trendy tee-shirts. Elton John gave young hippies anal butt sex. But Satan goes even further. He appoints “Santas” all over the world to go to the youngest of all, children even less than a year old, handing out toys and candy to brainwash them into thinking he loves them. In reality, these gifts are all sultry sin bait, waiting to mature into a life of debauchery and eternal damnation. Satan has been waiting for millennia until God allows him to slap the mark of the beast on the foreheads of those that indulge: a bright 666 in red and green, dragon’s blood. Deck the Halls with boughs of holly? Don’t be fooled. More like, Straight to Hell for a House of Folly.
Santa’s Nine Reindeer Represent 666, the Mark of the Beast
The Book of Revelation tells of the mark of the Beast as being the number 666. It also says that the beast has 7 heads and 10 horns. Santa’s 9 reindeer represent the 7 heads, the Antichrist, and the False Prophet. Two horns for each 9 reindeer = 18 horns. Not coincidentally, 6+6+6 = 18 horns of the reindeer as well. 1+8 = 9 reindeer and 9 reindeer plus 1 Santa = 10 horns. 10 horns + 8 inferior reindeer = 18 horns. Likewise, the 12 days of Christmas = 7 heads + 5 golden rings. Three Rings of Power for the Elves, 7 for dwarves, 9 for men and 1 for Sauron = 20 rings = 18 horns of the reindeer + 1 Santa + 1 day to deliver presents. Thus, Santa is Mephistopheles.
Satan Orders his Arch Angels of Darkness to Spread Havoc through Lovable Children Stories
Frosty the Snowman, Jack Frost, and the Nutcracker make up the dark triumvirate of Satan’s Wintry forces, just as Pikachu, Nancy Pelosi, and Taylor Swift make up the Summer forces. It’s easy to see how Satan attacks children again by making his demons appear harmless and gentle. But nothing could be less gentle about these bastards. Frosty the Snowman represents the angel of obesity and death. He encourages children to become gluttons, forcing them to hell’s gates quicker with every bowl of eggnog. Jack Frost is the archdemon of destruction, drunkeness, and lust. He leads all other demons to attack children through underage drinking and midget fetish. But the Nutcracker is the demon of gay, the most feared, and will convert your sons and daughters to homosexuality through the use of experimentation and waterboarding.
In conclusion, we must always be on the look out for Satan’s evil forces. Remember, the trick to avoiding The Beast of the Apocalypse is to remember one easy acronym MEPHISTOPHELES: Man’s Evil Provides Hell Infinite Satisfaction To Ordain Psychotic Heathens Enlisted Like Evil Santa.