Hello, denizens of Christwire and it’s derivatives. I am a world renowned Child Psychologist, Judea-Christian advocate and public speaker known by the internet alias of “ThaNukeJay”. I am here to warn you about the dangers of an internet community know as “YouChew Poop”, a site that is steadily gaining popularity among today’s youth. It parades itself as a community dedicated to making copyright raping abominations known as YouTube Poops. With the aide of my PhD in Internet Culture studies, and my long time Christian friend and colleague, “TheLostCup”, we will be exploring this community and providing knowledge of the pagan and Anti-American practices that occur on this internet forum.
YouChew Poop was started in 2006 by a raging homosexual and BDSM Fetishist by the name of “Conrad Sluter”. He came up with the name by participating in pagan rituals such as eating out his dog’s ass and regularly adulterating minors. In order to express his ideologies in a way that would brainwash today’s youth, he came up with a treasonous practice of taking good-natured Christian cartoons and demonizing them in his own horrific way. He called this abomination of god a “YouTube Poop”. Anyone who watches a youtube poop can immediately feel its unholy grip. Oftentimes, poopers will channel Satan in order to find inspiration for making these abortions. There have been multiple cases of demonic possession among poopers, oftentimes causing them to release several videos in a day (something the community refers to as “diarrhea”). Nearly every form of entertainment has been subjected to this virtual sodomy, even the videos of good Christian men such as Rick Perry and Fred Phelps.
However, on the YouChew Poop forums, many other topics are also discussed, such as the users’ homosexuality, their uses of illegal marijuanas, and masturbation habits. In particular, a moderator of the forum who wishes to remain under the alias IntermissionForBunny, states that “I have had the urge to molest small children since I began browsing this forum. Side effects of moderation of the forum include banning members of the Christian faith, and meeting up with member in real life to discuss and participate in sex in Apple store bathrooms across the globe.”. Users get promoted to moderators by personally fellating administrators of the forum in a gay setting, such as a nightclub, or a Brony meet-up.
Notable members include:
-”Bya”, a homogay who cannot decide whether he likes men or women. He claims to have become gay after being sodomized by his friend during a sleepover, though there is evidence that his homosexuality was present prior to that.
-”Negro ted”, a chubby-chasing, British black man, considered a triple threat in regards to the ideal American lifestyle. He is constantly living in fear of the KKK and Resistance members showing up at his house.
-”Dopply”, an egomaniac and devil worshiper that constantly berates the straight male’s penis size, and talks about his own, which according to him has leveled buildings due to the raw energy and hatred that he has summoned from the ninth circle of hell with his extended research into pagan practices.
-”Ninjamistuki”, the only heterosexual female on the site, who has an obsession with the main character from the Japanese sodomy show Trigun. She is frequently bullied by other members because of her heterosexuality.
-”Miss10″, the other female (?) of questionable ethnic origins. She was involved in voodoo and other dark magic practices and frequently bans member for asking about her true identity.
-”JazzDanceForChildren”, a flaming homosexual that types up several paragraph long posts that could be reduced to a single sentence. Many members perceive him to be intelligent because of this fact, usually because their laziness cannot be bothered to read his posts which oftentimes will just be reiterations of chants praising Satan.
-”Lord Ba Ba Ba”, a frequenter of the General Gay Thread, is not a very notable member of the community, but he once tried to use his succubus powers on TheLostCup in an attempt to drag him back to the community of homogays.
An interview with a YouChew member, who wishes to remain anonymous, states the following grave bits of information:
Anyways, I’m Bisexual. I like guys and girls, but I’ve had absolutely zero experience with girls. Every girl I’ve ever asked out has “friendzoned” or rejected me, so I can’t say I know anything about being in a relationship with a girl. On the other hand, I’ve dated about uh, 4 guys. I worry I’m never going to be able to date a girl, even though I am attracted to them, I’m just so used to being the ‘girl’ in relationships with guys that I’m not sure I would know how to act without being kinda girly. I have crushes on girls at my school, and I have crushes on guys at my school that are straight. It kind of sucks that the only gay guys in my school I know of, are the most ridiculously gay you could get. It’s ridiculous how gay these people are, I mean HOLY SHIT could you get any gayer. I made the mistake of dating this one cross-dressing guy after my friend set us up, and I ended up breaking it off because he was a massive manwhore and I only started dating him out of guilt and desperation at the time. Never ever ever ever going to happen again. Anyways, I’m in a long distance relationship with a guy now, and I’m pretty content with that. The whole reason I ‘became’ Bisexual was because I thought “why the fuck not” and just decided to be open to it.
A group I personally helped found, along with my fellow Christian warrior Eric Modsbourne and Priest Lostcup, known as the “Resistance” tried to cure YouChew of it’s demonic and inherently homogay ways by way of spreading the love of Jesus Christ throughout the forums. The following members of the resistance are now on the forum’s “ban list”, or the list of users deemed too Christian or straight to browse the forum.
We salute the following for their bravery and hard work:
YouChew is a unparalleled force in Satan’s army. The site needs to be eradicated from the internet, as it poses a major threat to modern youth and their path to the lord’s domain. I encourage you all to report YouChew to your local congressmen and the FBI, as YouChew’s admins have also been observed collecting child porn, along with brainwashing our youth into believing in their ridiculous pagan cults. Thank you all for reading my article on this abomination.
EXPECT US 7/4