The 31st GOP Presidential debate, held last weekend, was the first to broach the indelicate subject of marriage fidelity. It was a good opportunity for former Speaker Newt Gingrich to show that although he’s been a bad boy in the past, God forgives him of sin and we should too. The President who is not President Bush would never be able to attain such forgiveness – partially because he’s secret Muslin, but mostly because his wife would twist his nutsack and shove it up his poop chute like a Tijuana black tar heroin drug mule if he cheated on her. Christian faith in a loving and just Creator’s forgiveness is clearly not at work when fear drives fidelity.
Fidelity comes from the Latin for “faith” not fear. Clearly Speaker Gingrich understands that faith leads to forgiveness when marital transgressions occur in the daily in and out with a young (21 years Newt’s junior) staffer for the House Committee on Agriculture. It takes true Christian faith and courage to cheat so brazenly. The President who is not President Bush could never cheat with someone young enough to be his daughter, not because he fears the legality – Obamacare is illegal and he had no problem with that, but because of the unholy tempest his wife would rain down upon the presidency.
I was a little disappointed that the Republican presidential nominees did not choose to show their Biblical knowledge by pointing out that the Bible only considers the extramarital affair adultery if and only if a married woman is directly involved in the physical aspects of the transgression (Leviticus 20:10, Deuteronomy 22:22, Proverbs 6:20-7:27). In each of these cases, the commandment of adultery only applies if a “another man’s wife” is one of the parties. Being well versed in Cannon law history, Speaker Gingrich is free from the charge of common adultery.
Speaker Gingrich’s personal fidelity history reveals his great discretion in choosing a partner for marital cheating. Unlike the President who is not President Bush, Speaker Gingrich chose a color neutral woman devoid of any melanin or muscular, manly arms that might signal violent tendencies. If Newt were to cheat on his third wife, it is clear he would be safe from bodily harm and forgiven due to his abiding faith and his wife’s twig like arms. Unfortunately, we cannot make the same assessment of the current administration.
It is clear that the current administration is weak when it comes to the topic of marriage fidelity. Driven by fear and a lack of courage and conviction required, the President who is not President Bush is doomed to never test his so called faith with marital infidelity. Tied to his wife’s apron strings, Obama is a man child that will never experience the true gift of betrayal – forgiveness.