• POLL: Should Michele Bachmann Show More Cleavage to Gain Relevance in GOP Race?

    December 11, 2011 8:29 am 5 comments
    Hair raising: Michele Bachmann's hair, as seen last week in South Carolina, is getting glossier, sleeker, more tweaked and, well, more textbook Republican

    As the Republican primaries go full steam, can Michele Bachmann's stalled campaign gain its own steamy momentum by chugging at the hormones and desires of male voters? If Sarah Palin is any proof, the answer is a crucial and resounding yes.

    [poll=36]

    As kooky politicians such as Dr. Ron “Acts like a nervous squirrel who forgot his Abilify” Paul, Newt “Child Labor” Gingrich and an overconfident Mormon threaten to become the frontrunner for the GOP’s presidential nomination, we must look for ways to bolster the campaigns of true, proper American conservatives.  To date in the presidential race, only Texas governor Rick Perry and Minnesota governor Michele Bachmann have shown poise, brilliance and dedication to American values that this country desperately needs and deserves.

    Hillary Clinton wipes her eyes and sheds crocodile tears after getting whooped by Obama in Democrat primaries. Hillary Clinton forgot that to win, you need a special 'card' if you are a minority. Obama played the 'race card' and Hillary did not use her 'Hot in a bossy kinda way' card in contest. Needless to say, Hillary lost and is now Obama's secretary.

    While we know that Perry’s schtick will be playing the maverick Anti-Gay crusader, what extra ammunation does our other campaign darling have that can really fire up her polling numbers?  While some may say brains or rhetoric, these things are just not enough to give a woman (or any minority) a fair shot at office.  The problem for Michele is that Romney and Paul are manipulative and they are men, so as we’ve seen in the past, they will easily use their XY-generated words on Michele and leave her confused, crying and defeated in the eyes of the American people.

    And don’t say it cannot happen, because even our silver-tongued Muslim in Chief licked ol’ Hilldog Clinton enough to leave her in a fit of defeated tears after the 2008 Democratic primaries.

    Hillary Clinton eventually learned one truth:  there is one other thing besides words that can capture the eyes and minds of the American people, namely men and Obama’s youthful voting bloc.  It is a thing women have used to garner attention and authority throughout all time and though it may sound a bit crass and outlandish that I forward this opinion, you will see that the end result definitely may justify the means.

    Look through your friend’s posts on your Facebook wall and you will eventually see something that matches the imagination fantasies of Thad Connely.  And to put that in plain English:  women who want to be politically recognized on a presidential level typically have to show off some form of body to attract male voters.

    At this point, liberal feminists are angry and bopping around like demented chickens, flailing and squawking in some high pitched harpie speak that’s just not relevant to the conversation at hand.  Why?  Because reality is that women need to show their boobs to get recognized, plain and simple.

    But Jerry, you’re being sexist!  Let’s see what reality has to say.

    What lesson did Hillary Clinton learn too late in her bid for primary campaigning?!?!  It rhymes with, if you want the man vote show us your moobies!

    Hillary Clinton learned her lesson far too late.

    While I wait for your eyes to soak in that image and if you must exit the room to use the lavoratory, please feel free.  Some 7-up, heavy peach syrup and saltine crackers will help your nausea and vomiting.

    But in the image above, you see the trend in politics.  Even a career politician and tough-woman like Hillary Clinton showed off some leg and chest in efforts to get the Democrat vote.  Unfortunately for Hillary, she started her flesh campaign a month too late and was double-whammied by having a party full of men who are attracted to overweight, beret wearing interns with Daddy issues or leather hand bag looking women who take on the role of Mistress while their wife lays near dead from cancer, or, the Bill Clintons and John Edwards of the world.

    So how about a more chaste party.  What have female politicians from the GOP resorted to in year’s past to get the man vote?  Let’s take a perky peak, shall we?

     

    Causing the most primal urges and sensuality to felt by all onlookers, Sarah Palin casually tosses her taut, tensed legs over one another as she sits next to a defeated beast of nature.  Sensual thoughts and desire coalesce within the body as Sarah Palin flirts with interviewers, her cute and innocently feminine responses coercing feelings of lust to enter the minds of all potential voters.  Sarah Palin effectively mastered the art of estrogen-based politics, using her body to its fullest extent.  Is there a lesson to be learned by Bachmann in Palin’s techniques (and resulting popularity)?

    Sarah Palin’s flesh friendly antics were well known to campaign staffers.  During a campaigning stint along the Western seaboard, two staffers reported that one night they knocked on Sarah’s suite doors to let her know they were going to run late for an upcoming public appearance.  Palin told the two young staffers to enter.  They received an eyeful of ‘dripping wet, only a body towel wrapped around her lower body.  Todd was in the next room at it was awkward.  She looked really good and winked at us’.  Following in that nature, Palin went on vacation afterward and kept voter attention alive when she ‘panty flashed’ paparazzi’ (who apparently later were issued a ‘stop’ on more revealing photos in this set.

    In addition to these samples, there are countless other pictures of Sarah wearing thigh high catwoman hotbots with a shirt miniskirt, rumors that she underwent chest enhancements and letting colleges she visited have these types of photos as memory shots.

    “Mountain majesties, and amber waves of grain.”  – Thoughts of guys in front row with Palin shirts on. 

    Let’s not leave out the entire Hustler Newsweek sexy appeal issue, with fit and firm Palin doing all sorts of erotic stretches.

    By this point things should be clearing up.  In America we’ve seen Condoleeza Rice subjected to wearing short skirts and she wasn’t even gunning for president.  We’ve seen a very broad shouldered and now honorable Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan even subjected to wearing a short skirt to show she was ‘feminine’ amidst controversy she may be a ‘masculine woman’, aka, a lesbian.

    But maybe this issue is just us silly Americans.  We are so pig-headed and behind our European and Asian friends that we still see women as sex objects and until they prove that they are viable, we don’t want them.  Any takers on that theory?

    Let’s see what the Helga chinhair lands of Germany have to say?

    Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, shows off jubbly bubblies (how do you say that in German?)

    It looks like German Chacellor Angela Merkel found two Kirby’s and stuffed them down her keepemfromfloppens, or whatever word the very scary German people have for bra.  Merkel does not even strike me as a woman who’d be so ‘liberated’, but rather a woman who would cut you with her leg hairs if you dared tried to put her in a dress.  But that’s just my humble opinion and of course I’m biased against Germans.

    Italy:

    Michela Brambilla, showing off a very sausage and meatsaballs rated thigh high and I’m pretty sure, Mr. Forrest Gump, I see us some butt-ocks.  What do you say, Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko of Ukraine?

    “Hello, Kitty!”  The world aying hi to whatever shy, furry pet Yulia is apparently flashing to her people?

    Let’s not forget the cute little naughty number she wore on her erection day.  Freud!

    Now some will contest Bachmann showed off her ‘racier’ side when she grabbed both her ankles and publically presented herself to Newt Gingrich, but note that her dress is still far too conservative to really gather any attention.  What is it, Amish ankle night at the butter-churning plant?

    Estonia!

    Anna-Maria Galojan must be Estonian for, did she really do that to get elected?

    Alina Kabaeva - The Soviet Union

    And back to Italy for Mara Karfanya:

    Disclaimer:  This is actually the most modest picture I could find of her.  The exposure gets far worse and you should pray before looking more into this image and the worse ones.

    And with that we will go back to the more logical side of things.

    Considering all of this evidence and there is plenty more to support the theory, there is a global bias for female politicians who seem young and vivacious, even if they are older.  Is this fair?  I don’t think so, but it is how reality works.

    So in my humble and honest opinion, if Bachmann wants to have a decent shot at picking up votes in the primary or running as a ‘vice’ to one of the male candidates, she’s going to have to show off more skin.  It worked for Palin for a while, but then again, in the end you still have to be smart too.

     

     

     

     

     

     

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    Jerry Cohen JP Cohen

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