• The Walking Dead: Pure Rubbish, A Complete Christian Review

    December 6, 2011 1:53 am 25 comments

    Some of you have probably heard the Walking Dead is a pretty good show. That is mostly liberal lies. I was recently charged to review the series and immersed myself in the show (Obtained legally through Netflix of course) and even went so far as to read the comic. I have become quite the Christian authority on zombies around the Christwire offices and am probably going to hell for it.

    The premise of the show, and the comic, is that basically the rapture happens. The people that God doesn’t love are left behind and forced to eat each other like the heathen Democrats they are while good Christians like Glenn Beck and GWB get to go to heaven. This story is about a group of them and how they continue to sin their way out of their rightfully deserved hellish demise.

    WARNING:┬áIf you haven’t seen the show, what follows are spoilers from season one and two to date. I will leave out the comic stuff because that was way too graphic and terrible to be discussed on such a good Christian site as Christwire.

    First, let’s do a short profile of the main Characters:

    Rick

    Those weapons were not legally obtained

     

    He thinks he is the leader of the world and hates God.

    Lori

    This is the only image I could find of Lori

    Harlot-whore who probably molests children

    Shane

    OH WAIT HE CUT HIS HAIR wrong this is what he really looks like

     

    Most likely a homo.

    Glenn

    Very clearly an Asian

    Asian.

    Dale

    Probably marijuana in the background

    Very obviously liberal and most likely homogay. Placed in the show by the homogay agenda so he can come out later and they can make a big thing about it.

    Andrea

    He is about to feed her his sin juice.

    Another harlot who sleeps with Shane and probably is the one who will turn the old man gay.

    Daryl

    He has never met a washcloth he didn't hate

    He is mostly just really dirty

    T-dog

    Here is another picture of the white guy

    Afro Saxon.

    Carol

    She may also be a post op transsexual.

    All the women in this story are harlots, but at least this one had a good Christian man keeping her in line until she killed him.

    The kids

    they will all end up like this anyways, no need for any pictures of them. Liberals like to kill children.

    Nameless faceless plot fillers. No one cares.

    Herschel

    I heard after this scene the actors got homogay with each other

    Guy who owns the farm they try to steal and may at one time have had sex with his very own daughter.

    Maggie

    don't let her innocent look fool you, she sleeps with communist Asians



    Harlot who lays with the Asian out of wedlock in sin.

    First Season: SPOILERS!

    The first season started out with Rick Grimes, a corrupt police officer, getting shot by criminals because his county is probably ran by a liberal sheriff that disallows the real kind of police work that would have taken care of these thugs long ago. He then wakes up after the rapture, but not being a Christian he doesn’t realize what is going on so he walks around half naked.

    This is what it will look like for Democrats after the rapture

    After shenanigans occur, he ends up in Atlanta ready to meet his fate as a sinner when he is saved by a commie Asian kid. It is then that we are introduced to just about every liberal stereotype presented as a main character and one decent American named Merle. Of course the Liberals overtake Merle because his political beliefs are different and leave him there to die.

    There are homogay overtones here

    They end up back at the camp where Rick finds his whore of a wife shacking up with his best friend. Instead of leaving them to their sinner ways and repenting like he should, he assumes leadership of the small group. Then a bunch of irrelevant stuff happens and some people die and they end up going to the CDC, instead of a church where they might have gotten help.

    But it wasn't God LOL Instead it was a maniac

    There is a crazy atheist science devil in the CDC. All the while, Rick’s wife is still being a harlot and tempting his best friend Shane with her shameless milksacking. Then she cries rape, as all feminists do when they try to sex a man who doesn’t want them, yet decided not to tell Rick because she was ashamed of her lies and deceit.

    Again, the only picture I could find of her on the Internet

    Then the whole place blew up. Instead of repenting their sins and accepting their fate while loving Jesus they ran away like cowards. The only accurate point in this first season is that you can’t trust a crazy atheist science devil. The rest is pure rubbish.

    This

    Season Two: WARNING MORE SPOILERS!

    Season two begins as the heathen are driving down the road and decide to loot some cars. Seeing Rick agree to this was kind of hurtful, as he was a former police officer and instead of upholding the law he stole things from dead people. This is exactly the type of behavior the Bible predicted would happen during the rapture and they get punished by a herd of zombies that comes to eat them.

    But they hide under the cars and its ok

    Using sneaky atheist tactics, they get away. All except for one of the little heathens, who runs off in the woods for no reason at all and gets lost. Instead of praying for her and doing some good they foolishly risk their lives looking for her and get nowhere. The rest of the season is pretty much a sandwich where the bread is them looking for her and finding her in the end, and the meat and mayo is sin and blasphemy.

    Of course they just watched her run off

    It begins when they find a church and decide to kill everyone inside because they hate Jesus. Then they meet up with a guy named Herschel and Shane kills his friend. After that they let the Asian defile his sweet Saxon daughter’s virgin cherry. I’ll bet they left the toilet seat up as well. That’s not Christian behavior.

    Inter-racial sex scenes to try to be racy and edgy

    But then neither is keeping a bunch of dead people in the barn. A good Christian would have burned them like the sinners they are, but this just goes to show why Herschel was left behind. He was scared and couldn’t see. There isn’t such a thing as halfway-Christian.

    BARNS CANNOT HOLD SATAN"S LAPDOGS

    Then the finale of the so called ‘half season’, which just means the producers are going to probably do marijuana and sleep with prostitutes for the next few weeks, was when they found the little girl they were looking for in the barn. She was a zombie, and Rick of course shoots her because he probably molested her earlier in the show and didn’t want anyone to find out. She was very clearly not a zombie, but just a little girl trying really hard to act like a zombie and failing.

    Looks healthy to me

    So now we are left with my opinion. I know it may not be worth much to the atheist Democrats because they are heathen God haters, but here it is:

    The entire thing was created by Satan to steer our children in ways other than Republican. Anything that follows after the last episode will be more of the same type of sin mongering and blasphemous tones. My friend, if I were you I would stay far far away from such filth! Don’t let your kids watch it either. They should be reading the Bible anyways.

    And so should you.

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    About The Author
    Alex Keating Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.

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