• Tim Tebow Prays for Kim Jong Il to Die, Evil Dictator Drops Dead at 70

    December 18, 2011 10:51 pm 9 comments

    God's light softly glints off the body of Tim Tebow as he bows, today not asking God to bless the Broncos to produce a thrilling victory in the 4th quarter but instead to bless the entire world the Sunday before Christmas. And God delivered: Kim Jong Il is dead, thanks to the prayers of Tim Tebow.

    Today the greatest inspirational sportsman of the modern age sacrificed his winning streak so that the entire world may benefit. 

    Militant atheists challenged the power of Tebow’s prayers, charging today that world renown atheist Tom Brady would put the holy man and his prayers in the ‘laughing box’ where they belong.

    Just like when Satan took Christ upon a mount and promised the world’s riches if only our Savior would bow before the King of Wickedness, Satan tempted Tebow to pray today not to just win a game, but play the atheist’s childish sport of testing God.

    A man of faith, Tebow refused to be a pawn or puppet.

    As he announced in a halftime interview with ESPN:  “Today, I pray not for a thrilling victory for me or Broncos fans.  Today, I pray for a victory for all the world to enjoy”.

    Seconds after Tebow dropped to his knees during the 4th quarter of the game, an old man in North Korea suddenly fell ill.  Kim Jong Il was the man’s name and North Korean authorities panicked, as the face of their normaly smug and smiling dictator turned blue with instant suffocation.

    Gasping and desperate, Kim Jong Il was revealed by insiders to have yelled, “Kute ku sa ra, kute ku sa ra, huh!” as his last words, which roughly translates to, “Flow the heavy winter rains to quench fire, flow the heavy winter rains to quench fire, no!”  This was presumably his soul crying out for North Korea’s infamous rain to save him from the fires of hell he felt creeping over his body.

    Over the past two years, Kim Jong Il envisioned himself being the first 3rd world dictator to achieve nuclear power.  During the end of the historic Bush-era presidency, Kim Jong Il shot several rockets over our allies of Japan and was warned that if he did not stop producing weapons against America’s will, God would strike him and his terror nation down.

    Kim failed to comply, instead instigating trouble and making alliances with the Soviets and Iranians.  Il convinced the Soviets to sponsor his illicit nuclear program and agreed to share nuclear secrets with the Iranians.

    The trouble Kim Jong Il has brought to America during his reign is unsurmountable.  There was no greater threat to America’s future than Kim Jong Il and today, with one selfless act, Tim Tebow has once again won a great victory for not only Christians, but the rest of the world as well.

    Tonight, we can all sleep better knowing that we have one less dictator to worry about.  Everyone should do a bit of thankful Tebowing this week and understand that God is on a roll this year.  So many dictators have fallen.  And a humble Christian man gets pure credit for today’s strike out of a rotten, old dictator.  By the power of Tebow’s prayers, the world is once again a better place.

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    About The Author
    Mike Watson Intrepid, bold and dashing, Mike Watson's investigative reporting prowess is only outdone by his burning desire to restore conservative values and morality to America. With a unique penchant for purity, Mike Watson's TV, Radio and writing inspire millions to know the truth behind American culture. Also on Facebook

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