• 2012 GOP Pageant Drag Show in South Carolina (EXCLUSIVE CHRIS†WIRE PHOTOS)

    January 12, 2012 6:49 pm 22 comments

    Early debates for the Republican nomination enjoyed an enormous popularity. Unfortunately the thrill and novelty of the question-answer debate format is limited. Taking a cue from Hollywood, the South Carolina Republican League of Women Voters is hosting a GOP Pageant Talent Show on the theme of “Women and Marriage” to highlight the candidates’ values. Proceeds from the talent show will benefit conservative groups interested in women’s rights and marriage preservation. Click on the links for more information.

    1.) Rick Perry will be doing his infamous Reba MacIntyre skit to get in a few digs regarding Mitt Romney’s privileged lifestyle. “Fancy” is always a crowd favorite and is often requested by visitors to the family ranch. Since his candidacy has more or less ran its course, Mr. Parry’s participation is one of manly man support rather than a pandering for woman’s votes. “Dang that Woman’s Suffrage an’ Repeal of DADT” tshirts are available in the lobby before the show.

    Yoddel-yah-hee-yoooo!

    “The greatest victories in the battle for life are not going to be won in the halls of government. It’s going to be won in the hearts of men.”

    She handed me a heart shaped locket that said

    “To thine own self be true”

    And I shivered as I watched a roach crawl across

    The toe of my high heel shoe

    It sounded like somebody else that was talkin’

    Askin’ Mama what do I do

    She said just be nice to the gentlemen Fancy

    They’ll be nice to you – Bobby Gentry “Fancy”

    2.) Ron Paul dismisses the recent tutelage of Ru Paul and takes a slice of life from “Toddler’s and Tiaras” to remind voters that he has always had a helping hand for women. Dr. Paul delivered scads of babies during his tenure as a physician. He performs “Born this Way” by the artist known as Lady Gaga. While a controversial choice, Dr. Paul has not been one to conform to conventional wisdom. It is a quality his followers, also known as ‘Paulettes’ find endearing.

    You got to work it!

    “There is only one kind of freedom and that’s individual liberty. Our lives come from our creator and our liberty comes from our creator. It has nothing to do with government granting it.”

    You don’t need diamond rings

    Or eighteen karat gold

    Fancy cars that go very fast

    You know they never last, no, no

    What you need is a big strong hand

    To lift you to your higher ground

    Make you feel like a queen on a throne

    You can’t make him love you till you love yourself. – Lady Ru Paul

    I hate myself for loving this

    3.) Rick Santorum give his all with a beguiling soliloquy on the merits of Christian marriage and a woman’s right to be a wife and mother. Fan favorites from his past speaking engagements are deftly woven into his scene. New points such as his advice to women to remain fit and trim for their man are played against the ‘paper towel vs napkin’ model of marriage. While he obviously has some serious acting chops, we may never see a woman portrayed so accurately by a male thespian candidate.

    “The idea is that the state doesn’t have rights to limit individuals’ wants and passions. I disagree with that. I think we absolutely have rights because there are consequences to letting people live out whatever wants or passions they desire. I can call this napkin a paper towel, but it is a napkin. And why? Because it is what it is, right? You can call it whatever you want, but it doesn’t change the character of what it is. Sort of the metaphysical. Right?”

    Don't touch the hair, my friend.

    4.) Mitt Romney is clearly the favorite going into the South Carolina primary and he knows it. He explores is Hispanic roots with a showstopper from “West Side Story”. It is an upbeat message to women everywhere as well as a strong rebuttal to the slings and barbs from the Gingrich campaign. Seeing his elaborate ‘Sunday meeting’ up do is worth the price of admission.

    I feel pretty,

    Oh, so pretty,

    I feel pretty and witty and GAY!

    And I pity

    Any girl who isn’t me tonight.

    I feel charming,

    Oh, so charming

    It’s alarming how charming I feel!

    And so pretty

    That I hardly can believe I’m real.

    Three little girls from school are we....

    5.) Jon Huntsman, what is there to say? He appears off the reservation with his Chinese Geisha girl fan dance. The plain folks in South Carolina, like most of the nation, have difficulty connecting with this liberal pandering turncoat. He speaks a foreign language. He doesn’t have punchy one liners suitable for Obumber bumper stickers. Heck, when a person sees him dolled up like this, it’s pretty clear he’s never considered the good qualities of the red Solo cup.

    Quite frankly, I've been waiting for your call Jim.

    6.) Newt Leroy Gingrich, quite frankly, is an amazing yet bookish individual. Reading his book reviews on Amazon is like going to college history class without taking showers in a dorm after a night of kegging. Newt performs a thrilling self written, self cast play loosely based on Shakespeare’s “The Tempest” and Queen Elizabeth. Drawing on the romance genre, this cammedia dell’arte style courtly masque is a fantastical study of how the country might be run if we had a big queen instead of a President. Jim DeMint makes an appearance as Johebus, a noble member of the court who, quite frankly, yearns for Newt’s affirmations, an ironic twist in this compelling play.

    Thanks for rating this! Now tell the world how you feel through social media. .
    How does this post make you feel?
    • Excited
    • Fascinated
    • Amused
    • Shocked
    • Sad
    • Angry
    About The Author
    Blanche Beecham "Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM

    Facebook Conversations