5 Subtle Signs That Someone Has Un-Christian Tendencies
It can be hard to determine whether somebody is trustworthy upon first meeting them. It can be especially hard if the person seems decidedly un-Christian. I, for one, have been deceased many times by heathens in disguise. But fortunately for us, there are five subtle signs that somebody is not to be relied on and only wants to implement sin in your life.
1. Voice
The other day, for research purposes, I decided to watch an episode of the uber-liberal NOVA about the dangerous “string theory” phenomenon that the evil mad scientists are trying to pass off as truth, despite the fact that it clearly defies what the Bible teaches us about everything. One peculiar thing I noticed about all of these scientists they talked to was that they had fairly high voices. I then compared that to the voices of the Men Of Fox News. It was like all of those jewish atheist v*gan mathematician hippie professors had all been sucking helium while they did their satanic math equations! Likewise, for research purposes, I decided to watch MSNBC. This time, I listened to the women. They all sounded like teenage boys, which was scary. It reminded me of the time I was on a bus and I couldn’t tell whether two people having a conversation were middle aged women or teenage boys. These androgynous voices are to be feared, so be cautious upon encountering people with such tonality!
2. The Presence of Black Turtlenecks Adorning Their Body
Ah, Steve Jobs, the turtleneck’s biggest dead fanatic. Steve Jobs was a huge liberal hippie who believed in cults like buddhism and was also a v*gan. Much like the NOVA men, it seems, some of whom were also wearing black turtlenecks. The Matrix. Ninjas. Spies. Black turtlenecks symbolize the coals of h*llfire and the influence it has over the heathen in question’s mindset. It now makes sense that all of these paynim wear black turtlenecks. It represents their connection to stan. So if you see anyone wearing a black turtleneck, beware, because they’re probably bad news!
3. Cleavage
If you’ve existed, you may have seen a woman or a homosexual man showing off too much of their chest. Maybe this woman was wearing a low-cut dress, maybe this man had unbuttoned the top few buttons of their shirt. If you’ve ever watched Project Runway for research purposes, this is especially abundant among the homosexual men they have on there. During the Country Music Awards, you may have felt a burning desire to place a blouse over the chests of exhibitionists such as Taylor Swift and Reba Macintyre. Yes, showing cleavage means that you’ve given into the temptations of satan and should not be trusted! Thus, be careful among people like this, as they are fatally dangerous.
4. Computer Skills
Alledgedly, Jim Kong-Il, the evil anti-American, was good with computers. This reflects a terrifying new trend among the atheist crowd. Yes, most atheists are nerds, as they say. They speak “binary” instead of English, reflecting on their bi-curious tendencies. They’d rather romance a computer than enamor themselves with Jesus. Mark Zuckerman of Facebook is an individual we can blame for this trend, along with Steve Jobs, and Bill Gaytes. Perhaps these nerds were feeling socially inadequate or their parents weren’t taking them to Church enough. Whatever it is, computers, and the comrades of the computer such as games like The Sims and Portal 2, have roped in these poor unfortunate souls to their satanic virtual labyrinth. If you encounter somebody who displays strong computer skills, beware, because their probably trying to recruit you to satanism.
5. What Were They Doing In The 80s?
The 80s, or the most sinful time in recent history. But what somebody was doing in the 80s can reveal great mysteries, as in the mysteries of whether they should be trusted for anything. If they listened to Madonna, Blondie and Wham! while wearing neon shorty shorts and getting AIDS, they’re probably a homogay. If they were off at Harvard or Princeton getting a PhD in something stupid and useless, they’re probably an atheist hippie. If they were at Church, Praying for a better time, or off at work for the Republican Government, they are decent human beings. If they didn’t exist yet, they are automatically evil because they don’t understand the inherent sin of that time period. Yes, the 80s, the prolific satanfest that it was, will reveal everything you’ve ever needed to know about a person.
These traits can be used to psychologically examine any person you ever meet, and is very applicable to real life. I have found it to be very accurate and it will potentially save you from sin if applied correctly.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Christopher Christenson
Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.
5:52 pm
Omg this is so stupid
Hot debate. What do you think?
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6:57 pm
Says the person who doesn’t use punctuation and uses sinful acronyms while having a bloody zombie as an image.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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7:06 pm
fyi it means o my god and this is the internet its free i can do wateva i want and this pic is alice in hysteria
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7:09 pm
1st thing: acronyms aren’t sinful.
2nd thing: whoever it’s supposed to be, they do look like a zombie.
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7:14 pm
its from alice madness returns its a game
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11:05 pm
Acronyms aren’t sinful just because they’re acronyms, but “omg” takes the Lord’s name in vain. Pretty sure that’s a sin.
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8:06 pm
oh, I thought it was a Witch from L4D. but Alice is an awesome game.
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7:14 am
I’m simply glad that a good Christian soul had the courage to address this. Anyone who doesn’t wear a collared, button-down shirt, tucked into a pair of slacks (or a long skirt, for the Ladies only) with a belt and sensible, laced shoes is obviously a rogue with nothing but sin on the brain. And as for computers, well, anyone who needs to spend that much time learning to manipulate the sin box is most likely manipulating other, less savory, tools instead of reading a Bible and praying to be delivered from the masses of androgynous-voiced liberals.
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6:15 pm
Voice: I have a relatively deep voice, but am good at changing my voice at will.
Turtlenecks: What? I hate wearing turtlenecks…They’re uncomfortable
Cleavage: I try to keep my chest from showing by wearing these magical things call shirts
Computer skills: I know how to play video games on a computer…and that’s where my knowledge ends…Even then, computer and computer games are trying to turn anyone satanist
80s: what kind of bullshit is that for people who werent born yet? So anyone born 1990 and up is automatically evil? What the fuck are you smoking?
This article is just a waste of time…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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6:37 pm
This is CultWire, it’s always a waste of time. Devlin here sacrifices children to satisfy the appetite of his Dark Lord.
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6:55 pm
L.N., are you by any chance a puppet account of Claire? You seem bitter, not unlike her.
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7:01 pm
Being insulted for no reason without any evidence to back it up typically has that effect.
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8:00 pm
this is different from what yo and your ilk do…how?
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8:06 pm
We have a reason to insult you assholes.
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8:14 pm
We provide evidence to support our attacks on your beliefs.
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8:32 pm
Christopher Christenson…EPIC HUMAN BEING FAIL!!!
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7:58 pm
LN if it is such a waste why do you come here SO MUCH!
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8:07 pm
Why? I’m bored easily to be honest. Morons like you make me laugh.
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10:17 pm
I think of this as community service.
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7:57 pm
I picture you with more of a fat tubby squeeky voice.
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6:23 am
How can “fat” and “tubby” be used to describe a voice? More importantly, did you accidentally mix up your pills again because your use of the English language is slipping into idiocy
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10:00 pm
I was kinda wondering the same thing about the pills. Fat and tubby do not describe a voice. And why are you imagining OddAtheist’s voice in the first place? Spend a little too much time on this site?
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12:17 pm
A waste of time that Odd Athiest decided to address point by point …
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6:35 pm
Skipping the photo this article, google images is running low on unused content. Maybe I should switch to Keroro Gunso?
“It can be hard to determine whether somebody is trustworthy upon first meeting them. It can be especially hard if the person seems decidedly un-Christian.”
True, other than the un-Christian part.
” I, for one, have been deceased many times by heathens in disguise.”
Deceased? Then how are you typing this?
” But fortunately for us, there are five subtle signs that somebody is not to be relied on and only wants to implement sin in your life.”
Sin is a matter of perspective.
“The other day, for research purposes, I decided to watch an episode of the uber-liberal NOVA about the dangerous “string theory” phenomenon”
Good for you! Imagine that, learning something!
” that the evil mad scientists are trying to pass off as truth, despite the fact that it clearly defies what the Bible teaches us about everything.”
Evil? Mad? Hmmm… I almost retract the statement about learning something. Defies everything? Well, of course. This is the newest theory, with infinitely greater background knowledge than the Bible.
“One peculiar thing I noticed about all of these scientists they talked to was that they had fairly high voices. I then compared that to the voices of the Men Of Fox News. It was like all of those jewish atheist v*gan mathematician hippie professors had all been sucking helium while they did their satanic math equations!”
So? Some people have higher voices than others. It’s just something that happens. Why did you capitalize men? “Jewish atheist” is an oxymoron. Satanic math equations? What?
“These androgynous voices are to be feared, so be cautious upon encountering people with such tonality!”
Why?
“Ah, Steve Jobs, the turtleneck’s biggest dead fanatic”
Poor taste.
” Steve Jobs was a huge liberal hippie who believed in cults like buddhism and was also a v*gan.”
Ok, he’s liberal. Big deal. Buddhism has been around a lot longer than Christianity. And why does his diet matter?
” Much like the NOVA men, it seems, some of whom were also wearing black turtlenecks. The Matrix. Ninjas. Spies.”
What about the Matrix? What about Ninjas? And spies try to blend in with their environment, not look awesome.
“Black turtlenecks symbolize the coals of h*llfire and the influence it has over the heathen in question’s mindset. It now makes sense that all of these paynim wear black turtlenecks. It represents their connection to stan.”
No they don’t, you just made that up on the spot. Paynim? All hail Stan!
“If you’ve ever watched Project Runway for research purposes, this is especially abundant”
What if we’ve watched it for entertainment? Would it be less abundant?
“Yes, showing cleavage means that you’ve given into the temptations of satan and should not be trusted! ”
No it doesn’t.
“Alledgedly, Jim Kong-Il, the evil anti-American, was good with computers.”
Good for him, being able to do something useful!
“This reflects a terrifying new trend among the atheist crowd. Yes, most atheists are nerds, as they say.”
No, they’re not. Where are you getting statistics?
“They speak “binary” instead of English,”
If you knew what binary is, you wouldn’t be saying that.
” reflecting on their bi-curious tendencies.”
How is a programming language reflective of someone’s sexual preference?
“They’d rather romance a computer than enamor themselves with Jesus.”
At least the computer can talk back.
“Mark Zuckerman of Facebook is an individual we can blame for this trend, along with Steve Jobs, and Bill Gaytes.”
Zuckerberg, not man. Also, Bill Gates, not Gaytes.
“Perhaps these nerds were feeling socially inadequate or their parents weren’t taking them to Church enough.”
Well now, they’ve ll amassed billions of dollars, employed thousands, and become cultural icons, so I’d say it’s a good trade-off.
“If you encounter somebody who displays strong computer skills, beware, because their probably trying to recruit you to satanism.”
Where the hell did you get that from?
“The 80s, or the most sinful time in recent history”
[sarcasm]Much worse than the draft, the war over oil, and slavery![/sarcasm]
“If they listened to Madonna, Blondie and Wham! while wearing neon shorty shorts and getting AIDS, they’re probably a homogay.”
Ok, I’d have to agree with that, unless they’re female.
” If they were off at Harvard or Princeton getting a PhD in something stupid and useless, they’re probably an atheist hippie.”
And making everyone else look stupid, the getting paid a ton of money later in life, then laughing at the churchgoers who expected their god to do something for them.
” If they were at Church, Praying for a better time, or off at work for the Republican Government, they are decent human beings.”
They could be, but at the same time, they could be racist assholes.
“If they didn’t exist yet, they are automatically evil because they don’t understand the inherent sin of that time period.”
You just called the entirety of the future of the human race evil.
” the 80s, the prolific satanfest that it was, will reveal everything you’ve ever needed to know about a person.”
Satanfest?
“These traits can be used to psychologically examine any person you ever meet, and is very applicable to real life. I have found it to be very accurate and it will potentially save you from sin if applied correctly.”
Editors note: read correctly as not at all.
On an unrelated note, my British Lit teacher called Hell the Las Vegas of the afterlife today.
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7:21 pm
Aw I haven’t been on Christwire in awhile! Did you miss me? I know you did
1. Well I’m a girl.. so I have a higher voice. So I guess that counts?
2. I have 5 of them in my closet.. running track starting in early march will do that to you.
3. Like I said, I’m a girl. So that’ll happen.
4. That’s just called not being incompetent and actually being intelligent.
5. I guess you’re saying anyone born in 1990 or later can’t have un christian tendencies because they weren’t alive in the 80s.. right?
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7:24 pm
Who are you?
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7:29 pm
Ask Susan. Apparently I’m a emosexual homogay. But I wasn’t aware of that either.
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7:34 pm
susan thinks every1 who doesn’t like this website 2 b emosexual
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7:41 pm
I was assembling some bikes for the kids without bikes today. One of the parts was labeled “2 b” is that what you’re talking about?
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6:02 am
Maybe he’s a rim?
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12:22 pm
That whole ‘schooling’ fad just passed you by, didn’t it, anime_luver?
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7:42 pm
Is that your real picture Jenny?
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7:56 pm
Yes… O_o
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8:05 pm
well maybe my message is getting to her as she doesnt look like a freak any more
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9:43 pm
Anymore? I haven’t changed.
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12:26 pm
This is just one of life’s lessons that beneath even the most wholesome of exteriors can beat the blackened heart of one of Satan’s whorelot brides ..
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1:50 pm
Jenny, would you like to go to the NFL playoff game in Boston with us this weekend? We will provide airfare and game ticket.
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2:57 pm
Thank you Julian <3 And August… what the actual fuck.
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4:12 pm
You look like someone who god has blessed and we would like to reach out to you. If your interested in coming let us know. We have pretty decent seats. Its Tim Tebow Vs Tom Brady. Good show. Do you like football?
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4:33 pm
I look like someone god has blessed? Uhm. But I don’t think I’m going to go to a football game with Christwire creators. Yeah. Awkward and what not.
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4:46 pm
August has ill intentions for Jenny. It’s a fact, any girl who shows their face here is going to get sexually harassed by August or Adam, if they’re not a conservative Republican.
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4:53 pm
I can’t even go to Christwire without being creeped on. I should just leave the internet >.<
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4:58 pm
L.N, please stay out of this private conversation.
Jenny, if you change your mind, let us know. Or even if you just want to just hang out with us and have dinner the night before the game. We have a reserved table at Toro tomorrow night.
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5:02 pm
It isn’t a private conversation if it’s on a public forum! How about you stop hitting on anything with a pair of breasts and a vag?
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5:04 pm
Hate to break it to you, but nothing is private on the internet. Anyways, no thanks. That’s just a bit creepy there, August.
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5:22 pm
Ok, If Denver keeps winning, maybe you can join us for the Super Bowl. That will give us more time to get to know each other.
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5:28 pm
I think august also has a free copy of the Christwire hand-book just waiting for you.
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5:29 pm
Signed by the whole group.
And LN, When have I ever hit on anyone? Even once?
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5:34 pm
I think L.N is the one hitting on Jenny, his repressed sexual angst causes him to mistake August’s innocent comments towards Jenny as somehow ” hitting on her”
So L.N , will you stop harassing this poor girl with youre degenerate comments? I know living alone in a basement must be hard but get a hold of yourself!
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12:33 pm
August, anytime a woman posts a picture of her face up here, you’re the second person to ask her to go to dinner (Adam’s the first) or to go do some other activity with her.
Hubner, are you smokin’ the same shit as August? Are you using me as a reflection for yourself?
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12:35 pm
Find one time I have done so ellen.
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10:35 pm
Damn it, I give up.
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10:38 pm
Ellen? You just suck, don’t you?
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11:50 pm
August, who the hell is Ellen? Though, to answer your question, if you’re that stupid, you just did it now to Jenny.
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12:36 am
august I know jenny is cute but 1. you are old and 2. You are a creepy stranger is your cult doing that kidnapping yong women rtaping them to “convert to christianity” seriously SHould I send a report to the FBI about you and christwire ?
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2:33 am
Haha thanks Millenium. But yeah, that’s just creepy. Why would I go to a football game with them. That would pretty much be the worst day ever.
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2:39 am
Thanks Jenny. We still think you are the chosen.
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2:40 am
Chosen One*
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2:45 am
You can’t blame me for being myself and not wanting to spend a day with people trying to convince me out of my music taste and talking about god. And the Chosen One? What is this I don’t even.
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2:50 am
The holy scripts speak of one who is not of us who will join and lead us. One who will help us reach out to a new generation. Some think that may be you Jenny. I don’t know. But we don’t hate you
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2:55 am
That’s pretty much the funniest thing I’ve heard in my life xD
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3:11 am
I am sorry you find our faith funny?
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3:14 am
You think I’m “the chosen one” Honestly. That’s hilarious. It’s so funny coming from christwire, to someone who is a die hard Black Veil Brides fan.
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3:17 am
Some think so, others aren’t sure. Only time will tell. We all have checkered pasts.
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3:23 am
Haha the only thing I’ll lead you guys to is liking decent music. And dropping all of this overly christian stuff. Which is why I wouldn’t lead you, because that wouldn’t ever happen.
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3:31 am
Music can be powerful, like the Mumford and Sons. However there is more to existence than music. We hope to share that with you and have you share it with us.
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3:43 am
I realize there is more to existence than music. But it has changed my life.
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4:07 am
We can incorporate your experiences into our own. That’s what is great about our fellowship.
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10:31 am
Well, they previously linked to a rancid song… their worst song… at some sick attempt at a joke… so I’m good.
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1:03 pm
This website in general is just hilarious.
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12:20 pm
Thats one big bout of special pleading.
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1:09 am
Ah yes, the evil Steve Jobs. Look at that image, see his satanic hooked beak nose, and sinister unGodly grin?
Macworld is hosted in San Fransisco every year because of Steve Jobs homogay influence. In fact, Apple Mac computers where named for the sinful fruit that Eve ate from the snake.
“He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the APPLE of his eye.” (Bible, Deuteronomy 32:10, King James Version)”
The snake was Satan. Therefore Apple is satanic and very anti-Christian, with Steve Jobs as the purveyor of inequity!
After his death it was revealed that Steve was a carrier of the AIDS virus as well, which I assume he received from a black gay, since God made the aids to punish those of sin such as the black devils and gay.
http://wlstorage.net/file/steve-jobs-hiv/steve-jobs-hiv-2.jpg
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1:34 am
i bet u got an iphone,ipod,ipad, or any other apple maid product
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5:20 pm
1. By that logic, apples are satanic
2. AIDS was received when a white European man (yes, I know, white people are so great and pure it’s amazing /end sarcasm) had sex with a monkey. It has nothing to do with punishing black people (the hell did we do?) or homosexuals (why would god punish someone for being being with a genetic mutation?)
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6:04 pm
Actually, aids spread from eating a monkey. (Which a white man probs did)
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12:47 pm
Can you imagine the first man to get AIDS walking into the doctor’s office with that complaint?
Doctor: “You’ve managed to get a disease that was only present in monkeys!”
Patient: “How did I do that then?”
Doctor: “Well, you either shagged a monkey, or you ate one.”
Patient: “What was that second one?”
Doctor: “Eating one.”
Patient: “Yeah. That one. It was definately that one.”
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12:37 am
…. LOL
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10:23 am
August: white men rape monkeys.
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10:30 am
Haha, I love the magical thinking of liberal-progressive types.
White men are none too common in darkest Africa, children.
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1:29 pm
The so called apple in the Bible was actually a pomegranate in the original. Apples were hard to come by in the middle east thousands of years ago.
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6:25 am
Thank you for bringing these facts to my attention, I will be sure to condemn and publicly pray for any men wearing turtle necks in the future.
Peace and good hearted Christian love,
Andrew JC Smithson
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5:21 pm
good hearted christian love =/= condemning people just because they wear a certain type of clothing.
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12:00 am
Or look different or speak a different language or live in a different country or have different beliefs or aren’t completely sexist and racist or are gay or lesbian or are in any way not a white conservative christian man who hates everyone and believes that the the only truth to be found anywhere is in a thousand-year old book.
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9:59 am
If you have been deceased many times, i am not sure you are fit anymore to write for a christian website.
Because christians usually die and ascend to heaven when they decease.
For your own sake, realize that you are a zombie and therefore must have been an evil sinner in your lifetime yourself.
Try to remember where you went wrong and realize, and do not endanger your fellow colleagues here anymore.
And when you have realized and accepted, welcome to the party.
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12:39 am
its why he said he is Jesus a ZOMBIE!
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1:17 pm
What is “v*gan” supposed to mean?
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3:19 pm
i think vegan
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7:18 pm
how anyone would attempt to not eat meat I will never understand.
I eat fish raw.
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12:45 pm
I eat raw steak sometimes. LOL!
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1:59 pm
You’ve been deceased many times huh? This means that you are the first soldier in the zombie apocalypse and you should be decapitated. Not so that you don’t eat people’s brains, but so that your disgraceful attempt at using spelling and grammar is not copied by children.
Also, I wasn’t even born until mid 1988, so you can’t judge me by what I was doing in the 80s. I missed most of it.
Also, turtlenecks are evil. They’re itchy, uncomfortable, and no matter what anyone says, you look a prat if you wear one.
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5:23 pm
What if they’re large turtlenecks? And I don’t think I look too much like a prat in one <<…
But yea, I agree with yo Tom~ Also have yet to get your email
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12:51 pm
Seriously? I sent that ages ago. Try sending me one and see if that works: TomDSchofield@Gmail.com
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10:12 am
I just sent it!
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3:53 pm
nawww you haven’t entertained me thats your job ahaha the homo dog was better poor dog D: one of u guys on christwires owns him
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5:59 pm
Once again, a pic from the creative-commons manga Ubunchu, because if there is anything you assholes hate, it’s freedom and foreign people.
1. Of course NOVA contradicts the bible, documentaries are normally true!
I’m an atheist who used to be a Jew and tried going vegan for a week. Fuck you. I am cutting myself because of you. I will never accept Jesus now and it is your fault. And what about mathematicians?
2. As much as I hate Jobs, and if Hell did exist, he would be burning there along with all the software he enslaved (linux user, the hippie of the software world), what’s wrong with turtlenecks? I don’t happen to own any but SO WHAT? And Paynim, really/ who is this Stan, he seems like a fun guy, or do you mean Satan?
3. Oh no, I have large breasts, thus I am evil! Also, straight men unbutton shirts at the top, asshole. I don’t and I’m bisexual
4. Was waiting for this one! I’m a fucking linux user for fucks sake!!! TAKE UR IGNORANT ATTITUDE AND GTFO OFF MY FUCKING INTERNT FUCKFACE!!! Aaaanyways… that’s complete bullshit and you know it. If Steve Jobs and Bill
“gaytes” are such horrble people, what OS is your computer running? Every other OS I know of is open-source, and thus, apparently “steals code” or some shit. Do you know what binary is? It’s base to, not bicuriosity. You are an ignorant asshole wh is on a computer now! If knowing about computers is bad, who set up this website? QE fucking D.
5. I wasn’t even alive in the ’80s, thus I am evil. I am also a software hippie.
OK, I’m done. Continue being an ignorant asshole.
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7:16 pm
Man, none of these are true except the computer skills, I am pretty damned good with computers.
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10:45 pm
I AM SO SICK OF THAT FRAUD STEVE JOBS! THE GUY IS DEAD, GET OVER HIM LIBERALS!
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10:49 pm
Mad someone else is getting more attention than you, even AFTER he’s been dead for several months now?
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11:44 pm
The guy was a ruthless greedy plutocrat who made billions creating a bunch of useless gadgets for the obsessed, yet never giving anything substantial back out of his personal fortune. I wonder if the 12 year old Chinese children who made his iPads for 5 cents an hour are mourning his death.
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11:51 pm
Congratulations, you just described roughly 90% of all money-makers in America.
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10:27 am
And the closed-source thing too… but, yeah, he thuroughly sucked. And I thought you hated the Chinese… and everyone NOT. From America…
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10:20 pm
I agree he sucked, but that was harsh.
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1:10 am
I never really realized just how sick Christianity really is until I read this website.
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3:16 am
Not every christian is like this.. these people are crazy..
a real christian is supposed to love all and never judge because only God can judge and He taught his followers to love all as He has loved us..
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3:37 am
LOL I just laughed my ass off! So god doesn’t want you to be smart or believe in how things actually work? Do u think god is rrunning the computer or…PIECE of technology your on right now…no its electricity…and man figured out how to harness that not god.
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4:29 am
no no no no… the CHURCH doesn’t want you to be smart or believe in how things actually work. God, however, created his children in his image.
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10:40 pm
I’m pretty sure they hate new things, advancements in tech especially.
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8:47 pm
I just realized that almost 90% of my church including one of the priests is not Christian. Thanks for this.
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8:51 pm
That’s CW for you.
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