• 5 Subtle Signs That Someone Has Un-Christian Tendencies

    January 11, 2012 5:33 pm 109 comments
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  • It can be hard to determine whether somebody is trustworthy upon first meeting them. It can be especially hard if the person seems decidedly un-Christian. I, for one, have been deceased many times by heathens in disguise. But fortunately for us, there are five subtle signs that somebody is not to be relied on and only wants to implement sin in your life.

    1. Voice

    The other day, for research purposes, I decided to watch an episode of the uber-liberal NOVA about the dangerous “string theory” phenomenon that the evil mad scientists are trying to pass off as truth, despite the fact that it clearly defies what the Bible teaches us about everything. One peculiar thing I noticed about all of these scientists they talked to was that they had fairly high voices. I then compared that to the voices of the Men Of Fox News. It was like all of those jewish atheist v*gan mathematician hippie professors had all been sucking helium while they did their satanic math equations! Likewise, for research purposes, I decided to watch MSNBC. This time, I listened to the women. They all sounded like teenage boys, which was scary. It reminded me of the time I was on a bus and I couldn’t tell whether two people having a conversation were middle aged women or teenage boys. These androgynous voices are to be feared, so be cautious upon encountering people with such tonality!

    2. The Presence of Black Turtlenecks Adorning Their Body

    Ah, Steve Jobs, the turtleneck’s biggest dead fanatic. Steve Jobs was a huge liberal hippie who believed in cults like buddhism and was also a v*gan. Much like the NOVA men, it seems, some of whom were also wearing black turtlenecks. The Matrix. Ninjas. Spies. Black turtlenecks symbolize the coals of h*llfire and the influence it has over the heathen in question’s mindset. It now makes sense that all of these paynim wear black turtlenecks. It represents their connection to stan. So if you see anyone wearing a black turtleneck, beware, because they’re probably bad news!

    3. Cleavage
    If you’ve existed, you may have seen a woman or a homosexual man showing off too much of their chest. Maybe this woman was wearing a low-cut dress, maybe this man had unbuttoned the top few buttons of their shirt. If you’ve ever watched Project Runway for research purposes, this is especially abundant among the homosexual men they have on there. During the Country Music Awards, you may have felt a burning desire to place a blouse over the chests of exhibitionists such as Taylor Swift and Reba Macintyre. Yes, showing cleavage means that you’ve given into the temptations of satan and should not be trusted! Thus, be careful among people like this, as they are fatally dangerous.

    4. Computer Skills

    Alledgedly, Jim Kong-Il, the evil anti-American, was good with computers. This reflects a terrifying new trend among the atheist crowd. Yes, most atheists are nerds, as they say. They speak “binary” instead of English, reflecting on their bi-curious tendencies. They’d rather romance a computer than enamor themselves with Jesus. Mark Zuckerman of Facebook is an individual we can blame for this trend, along with Steve Jobs, and Bill Gaytes. Perhaps these nerds were feeling socially inadequate or their parents weren’t taking them to Church enough. Whatever it is, computers, and the comrades of the computer such as games like The Sims and Portal 2, have roped in these poor unfortunate souls to their satanic virtual labyrinth. If you encounter somebody who displays strong computer skills, beware, because their probably trying to recruit you to satanism.

    5. What Were They Doing In The 80s?

    The 80s, or the most sinful time in recent history. But what somebody was doing in the 80s can reveal great mysteries, as in the mysteries of whether they should be trusted for anything. If they listened to Madonna, Blondie and Wham! while wearing neon shorty shorts and getting AIDS, they’re probably a homogay. If they were off at Harvard or Princeton getting a PhD in something stupid and useless, they’re probably an atheist hippie. If they were at Church, Praying for a better time, or off at work for the Republican Government, they are decent human beings. If they didn’t exist yet, they are automatically evil because they don’t understand the inherent sin of that time period. Yes, the 80s, the prolific satanfest that it was, will reveal everything you’ve ever needed to know about a person.

    These traits can be used to psychologically examine any person you ever meet, and is very applicable to real life. I have found it to be very accurate and it will potentially save you from sin if applied correctly.

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    About The Author
    Christopher Christenson Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.

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