Salem, Massachusetts – Atheist witches have cast a spell upon the Broncos versus Patriots game, using their dark sorcery to give Tom Brady and the New England Patriots a victory. The devil is laughing in hell tonight, his little vixens of vileness bringing a crashing halt to the season of Tim Tebow.
Yesterday two atheist witches named Lorelei and Lori Bruno scheduled a powerful seance — on Friday the 13th — at the terrifying Haven Crow Corner in Salem, Massachusetts. This is the very place where only 500 years ago, Christians were forced to engage in battle against powerful witches who had possessed the town with mind possession, the women running around naked and unabashed, thrusting their bosoms into men and spreading crazy febrile illness and ergot poisonings all over the place. A group of brave Christians fought those witches to a standstill, finally being able to end their reign of terror by gently tieing them up to stakes and burning the demons with them straight into hell in a blaze of fiery glory.
These two witches know the story well and set about a seance rite to revive those powerful ancient spirits, who were immediately set out to curse the Denver Broncos. Tim Tebow is too strong in faith to fall under demonic control, but the lustful urban players on the Broncos defense are obviously not so resolute. Already, their clouded minds and body have given up 35 points to Tom Brady and the Patriots.
With their hellish minions unleashed, Lorelei and Lori Bruno set upon one more dark act to make sure Tebow lost today’s game. They used Satan’s power to bolster Tom Brady.
“I’m going to raise the energy of the universe and send out all the good mojo!”, a wide-eyed Lorelei exclaimed to the Boston Herald. She continued, “Lori will call in the…’angels’” then let out a witchy laugh!
The witches then set-up a hand-sewn Tom Brady puppet and sensual mojo bags filled with herb drugs (probably mary’s magic mint!) and seer stones! Their alter prepared and the midnight moon coming nigh, the witches chanted, “Tom Brady will see what he needs to see, be where he needs to be and will take the Patriots to another victory!”
Wiccan demonic devil raps like Tupac!
My soul is so angry right now. This game could have brought Christianity into so many more lives in America. So many people were Tebowing and finding new faith. But Satan works in devilishly mysterious ways and again, we see a WOMEN has cursed mankind! By Tom Brady winning, atheists will try to take the high road and use this as proof that God’s power does not exist!
When clearly, God is not interfering and letting Satan have his laughs because in the end of times, it will be all atheists and non believers who roast in hell!
Even though Tom Brady is a married man, these witches were excited to touch his ‘mojo ball bags’ and tickle his fancy in their little seance!
“But when we told all our girlfriend witches this Circle was for Tom Brady, oh, everybody will be there!” “We want the true champion to come out on Saturday night,” Bruno chanted. “But since we live in Patriot Land, it’s red, white and blue and make the dream come true!”
Hopefully all witches and nonbelievers who take this Broncos loss as anything but chance and witchcraft understand their FAITH is being tested right now by God! If you do not repent, you sinners, you will find the only touchdown you ever score is in the eternal penalty box of Hell!