Danglin’ Fury: One Man’s Hallowed Quest to Save America!
Dangling Fury: One Man’s Hallowed Quest to Save America!
By Brother Johnathan Bane
BJ Ministries
Augora Hills, California
Sidebar: To my many Christian friends, let me say I am pleased to have recently become part of the Chris†wire flock and delight in having this media available to so many who desire to hear the word of the Lord spoken above the words of the secular world. I apologize if anyone I’ve turned onto Chris†wire is offended by a few of the juvenile comments that get posted from time to time which can be quite offensive.
It’s a testimony of the degrading times we live in. Sadly today’s misguided deviants have morphed into the type who would join a popular Christian Website like Chris†wire and post some truly vile filth. My prayers go out to them… I hope yours will too.
Ben Franklin
July 4th 1776 the Declaration of Independence is signed as our founding fathers pushed forward to rid the American colonies from the King’s brutal rule. The American Revolution (1775–1783) was in its first year when the United States of America exerted its independence from the British Empire. No more would free men be mere subjects of the crown,
and with God’s guidance His chosen people were commanded to settle in the New Kingdom of New England, but as a Christian nation, independent of England’s blasphemy and Godless tyranny.
It was a costly and bloody war for both sides, but in the end liberty won out over tyranny. And it was the French who recognized the 13 United States as a sovereign nation whose struggle for independence, freedom, liberty, and the right to believe in the Christian religion or faith of your own choosing become the law of the land with the signing of the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights.
But the Continental Congress had an enormous barrier to conquer before winning the war with England. They immediately had to find a statesman to dispatch with Godspeed to France to act as the U.S. Ambassador. Certainly the French were a cultured and civil people, but their general reputation for having promiscuous women, married or not was offensive to all Americans. Not to mention most Americans found French demeanor, their arrogant condescending tone, and flippant
mannerisms to be, somewhat queer.
In a new nation of God’s chosen people where would the Americans find a man who could comfortably fit in amongst the elitist filth that dominated French politics and its Godless culture? Someone knowledgeable of French customs and traditions, whose mission to France for an undetermined period of time had to accomplish convincing not just the King, but the people of France as to America’s just and noble cause.
This unknown statesmen, after winning over the hearts and minds of the filthy French must then secure the King’s army, navy and treasure. At best it was a long shot, but it was all God’s people in the embattled colonies had. But something else worried the Continental Congress much more. It was the graphic primitive practice still practiced by the French at that time called… “Amitié Amoureuse,” defined as “A playful seduction involving teasing kisses, sly embraces, intimate conversation and rhapsodic love letters, though sexual congress may or may not actually occur. Where would our forefathers find such a man? The task seemed beyond reach; no decent God-fearing patriot would knowingly place himself in such a predicament to say nothing of the potential for disaster that existed.
Americans knew of this wicked French form of sexual debauchery and the Continental Congress for sometime was at a complete loss to come up with a single name. The decision was to pray on the matter and turn the burden over to God’s will. The next day the members of Congress agreed on the only man for the task, Benjamin Franklin.
As if a lightening bolt from Heaven had struck the words of an old adversary of Ben Franklin’s were recalled dating back to Franklin’s troubling days in the Pennsylvania assembly in 1764…
“Franklin, though plagued with fumbling age,
Needs nothing to excite him,
But is too ready to engage,
When younger arms invite him.”
The Continental Congress knew well of Franklin’s passion for mixing business with pleasure, and since he was a Deist by faith, a man of God indeed, one who ardently believed in God’s sovereignty over all things, but one who questioned the divinity of Jesus Chris† he could be depended upon to be the man-whore America needed. But this option was quickly reconsider.
Questions were asked; doubts arose. It was agreed on one hand that Franklin seemed to fit the bill perfectly for Congress’ dilemma to fill the shoes for want of a U.S. Ambassador to France, but Franklin was now 70 years of age, the average life expectancy for a man at that time was around 40 years. What briefly looked like a ray of hope now withered in the minds of Congress.
It all boiled down to a single question… When the moment came, when Franklin would have to perform as a man, would his aged, flaccid and withered member be up to the challenge? It now seemed ludicrous to send a man of Franklin’s age when clearly this was a job for a much younger man of loose moral character.
But no one else came to mind whom the Congress trusted. Again they prayed for the wisdom of the Almighty and those prayers were answered. With the Lord’s guiding spirit to lead the way the Congress adjourned that day firm in their renewed quest. Yes it was a desperate move but with God at the helm they held faith in providence that Benjamin Franklin was the man God wanted on the job.
The Penis of Destiny
It felt like suicide, but the Continental Congress place the fate of the Revolution and that of the U.S. in a 70 year-old, balding, fat, 5’ 9”, American Casanova who’d been on borrowed time for the past 30 years. Acting as America’s envoy Franklin journeys to France, and it didn’t take long once the old lecherous package arrived for word of Franklin’s success to spread back across the Atlantic to the colonies.
Americans in general found the news of Franklin’s efforts in France to be difficult to digest, and America’s founding fathers regarded the news as favorable, but suspect. Had the new U.S. set some perverted old unchaste deviant loose on the French people? A sense of looming disaster was felt hanging over the Congress, but again faith reassured the pious Americans that their cause was true and that somehow they’d acted soundly. None the less in 1778 John Adams was sent to France “officially” to pay his respect to the court of the Brillons; no doubt he’d also been asked to look in on Franklin’s progress, and it didn’t take long for Adams to get a full report on the Ambassadors delicate and sensitive negotiations.
Keeping a diary Adams wrote of his absolute disgust at the tolerance shown by his hosts
for each others extramarital affairs.
Adams wrote… “I was astonished that these people could live together in such apparent friendship and indeed without cutting each other’s throats. I soon saw and heard so much of these Things in other families and among all the great people of the Kingdom that I found it was a thing of course. It was universally understood and Nobody lost any reputation by it.”
While Adams found the vile practice repugnant he was outraged to discovery that the U.S. Ambassador to France, Ben Franklin, was at present balls deep in an illicit courtship with none other than the recently wed, Madame Brillon! When Franklin offered some explanation for his “diplomatic strategy” Adams couldn’t believe what he was hearing from his longtime trusted friend and ally. Adams sat quietly while Franklin matter-of-factly explained his plan to somehow win over Madame Brillon’s powerful husband to the American cause by continuing to engage her in an illicit affair.
It struck Franklin as odd that Adams found no good news in his report. Finding it difficult to restrain his rage Adams made it known that he considered Franklin’s methods to be far out of bounds for an American diplomat, to mention nothing of the recklessness Franklin was willing to go to, to indulged himself without restraint in the dark seductive dance of the French… Amitié Amoureuse!
Realizing the gross error in judgment of the Congress to have sent Franklin on so delicate a mission Adams resolved himself to the fact that America had bet on the wrong horse. But his melancholy demeanor would quickly pass once the three men became better acquainted. Adams being the gracious diplomat sat quietly engaging in friendly conversation with Franklin and Brillon when at dawned on him that he was witnessing the vile impromptu devil’s dance being performed before him, at their table by none other than… Ambassador Franklin and Monsieur Brillon!
Nothing from the sacred text of the Bible could’ve prepared Adams for such a shock… To find Monsieur Brillon taking pleasure and teasing Franklin about his courtship with Madame Brillon!
As repugnant and unholy of a union as it was, Adams became transfixed with Franklin’s commanding performance as he executed his political duties for America’s blessed cause in his skillful mastery of the Amitié Amoureuse. It now became perfectly clear to Adams that Franklin had a firm grasp on the situation and was succeeding with great vigor to win over French support for the Godly American cause.
And it wasn’t just Adams who witnessed Franklin’s intimate moves while doing the Amitié Amoureuse. Apparently Franklin also scored a big hit with Frederick von Steuben, the military hero who served with distinction in Frederick the Great Prussian army during the Seven Years’ War (1756-1763). Von Steuben approached Franklin in Paris and offered his services as a top military commander to train young American recruits to fight the British.
.
At the time Washington’s largely untrained militia forces were dwindling rapidly to British Regulars, and Von Steuben’s offer was urgently accepted. Arriving in America Von Steuben trained the hearty stout young American militia men, some mere boys, with honor and distinction.
Some naturally found Von Steuben insatiable desires for the unholy union between him and young boys hard to swallow, but America was desperate, and again faith overcame the Christian desire to lay hands upon the deviant and personally deliver God’s wrath upon his decrepit, soulless ass. All the colonists knew… Their fate now rest with the grace of God.
When the war ended Von Steuben was honorably discharged and soon was working as grand marshal to the court of prince of Hohenzollern-Hechingen. But a short time later he was accused of having taken certain unnatural liberties with young boys, forcing Von Steuben to flee the country. I’m certain that when Von Steuben stood to be judged before his almighty Lord God, the Lord made quick work of it.
As the war turned in favor of the Americans it was those hand-picked fine young recruits from Von Steuben’s command that fought to take every inch of dirt for the Lord’s cause from the prissy British Regulars. Backing them up to the Atlantic Ocean, Cornwallis knew he soon would have to order his men into retreat of they’d face their end at the hands of America’s finest. But once again God’s will fell quickly upon the bloody field of battle.
Cornwallis must’ve soiled his drawers when he turned to face his final option… The majesty of the Atlantic and the way home; only to witness the French fleet sail into the harbor with her mighty warships. All because an ungodly people were willing to believe in the passion of liberty Franklin spoke so tenderly of. And because one old man was willing to sacrifice for God & Country by allowing the his blessed genitalia to be placed lovingly in the hands of providence who guided it through the retched Kingdom of France and into every dark hole in order to fulfill God’s command to the American people… Manifest Destiny!!! The Lord does work in mysterious ways indeed.
†Brother Johnathan Bane
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Brother Johnathan Bane
Brother Johnathan Bane dedicated his life's work to the service of the Lord when he was a boy growing up in Los Angeles. He has been involved in ministry work most of his life. In 1992 he founded Brother Johnathan's Ministries to provide aid to those impoverished people of Uganda. Brother Johnson lived and worked to develop his ministry in Koya in the Busoga Province from 1999 - 2009. He is now retired and living in Agoura Hills, California where he works as a freelance writer and investigative journalist from home.
11:55 am
Franklin was a great man and a truly visionary thinker, but he lacked the foundation of faith so important to Americans today. I am willing to excuse this as an historical oddity, a queer footnote. Franklin was older than the other founding fathers and grew up in the raunchy, pre-Revolutionary British times when the colonies embraced vagrants, hussies and smugglers. Maybe this lifestyle was too important for him, even in the face of glory for the newborn republic.
All these things Franklin did, well I’m glad he did them over in France and not on our native soil. When you’re surrounded by the decaying decadence of the French empire maybe it’s no surprise you get infected with their spirit. Adams knew this and avoided lengthy exposure and I glad he did! Ultimately, all these problems are exactly why Franklin never succeeded at becoming president like the others.
Fascinating piece, Brother Jonathan, and expertly composed! God bless YOU my friend!
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1:45 pm
Brother Billings bless you in the new year sir. I am pleased to know my work has been received so well. Being new to the flock at Christwire its nice to know others share in the passion that I have for history, and your notations in your post speak volumes of your personal knowledge of Christian faith in America. I look forward to reading your new works in the new year.
My best,
BJB
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7:15 pm
Most of these kids would rather talk about the latest Lady Gaga “wardrobe malfunction” than the foundations of freedom that make America so great but hey, I don’t mind being old fashioned!!!
In any event, I did enjoy the article and pray that even the less educated of our flock can learn a little something from your words (cough** Clare** cough.).
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10:47 pm
What the fuck? I hate lady gaga. The quote at the end only defends my choice of operating system, silly windows users.
Free as in speech
Security through obscurity
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11:13 pm
Can you please give one example of how I’m “less educated”?
Didn’t think so.
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5:19 pm
Hard to give just one. Might not be possible.
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1:31 am
billings, thats kinda awkward because franklin was very ummmmmm. skeptic, towards the idea of the christian god
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5:34 pm
I wrote an article and it probably won’t be used so I’m going to go ahead and spam it:
As my username suggests, I am a Linux user. My reason for writing this article is that I’ve heard many comments about Linux users “stealing code” and being “homogays.” I won’t even dignify the homogay comments with a response, and will, rather, help all of the Christwire readers gain a better understanding of what FLOSS (free/libre/open source software) is.
Gratis Versus Libre
“Think free as in free speech, not free beer”
Basically, this means that while the software may cost money, the user is free to edit or distribute the code. It is not stealing code as the GNU license clearly specifies what is and is not legal to do with the code.
The GNU License
What is the GNU license (general public license)?
The general public license is a free license.
The best way to describe it may be by quoting the license itself, it starts as follows:
” The licenses for most software and other practical works are designed
to take away your freedom to share and change the works. By contrast,
the GNU General Public License is intended to guarantee your freedom to
share and change all versions of a program–to make sure it remains free
software for all its users. We, the Free Software Foundation, use the
GNU General Public License for most of our software; it applies also to
any other work released this way by its authors. You can apply it to
your programs, too.”
Linux is distributed under this license.
What is Linux, it sounds gay?
This is what you are probably thinking. I will, once again, not dignify that as a response. Linux is a kernel, the part of an operating system that interacts with the hardware. Your mouse, for instance, will most likely be compatible with Windows, Mac OS and Linux.
Linux is not an operating system, only a kernel. It was created by Linus Torvalds, a Finnish software engineer.
This is him:
How can I get in on this very heterosexual software?
It’s everywhere! This website is made with WordPress, which is open-source. Android, the mobile OS created by Google is Open-source and uses a modified Linux kernel, the Android kernel. (Android is licensed under GNU and Apache, both free licenses)
What are the advantages of this software?
It is statistically better than proprietary software. Closed-source, proprietary software has more bugs.
“the 2.6 Linux production kernel, shipped with software from Red Hat, Novell and other major Linux software vendors, contains 985 bugs in 5.7 million lines of code, well below the industry average for commercial enterprise software. Windows XP, by comparison, contains about 40 million lines of code, with new bugs found on a frequent basis.”
People all over the world are working together to improve this software!
This should be reason enough to try Linux. However, if you are still not convinced to at least give it a try, here are a few advantages:
1. Security through minority (less people using Linux means less viruses)
2. Security through obscurity (Denying or allowing administrative privileges, such as installing software, to users is easy)
3. Installing from repositories (Install exactly the software you need without searching the web)
4. Customization (Fin-tune your operating system until it is exactly how you want it)
5. Improved command-line interface (When have you ever used command prompt in Windows? Linux makes it useful again)
What Linux distros (distributions) should I try?
I recommend the following for beginners:
1. Ubuntu
2. Linux Mint
3. Puppy Linux (for slow computers)
4. Fedora
5. OpenSuSe
I hope this article was helpful.
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9:13 pm
On a related note, Obama signed a law that would let the military detain anyone for any reason, indefinitely, without trial, allowing torture. Might be of interest, and it’s related to the BF quote at the end of the article.
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10:05 pm
Fred,
A good point, NDAA 2012 was what I had in mind as I looked over images of BF for this piece. A man of greater faith then our president has would have never bowed to terrorism by signing that bill. But those who have faith know the Lord’s will shall be done.
Happy New Year Fred, thanks for posting and God bless.
BJB
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10:50 pm
“I apologize if anyone I’ve turned onto Chris†wire is offended by a few of the juvenile comments that get posted from time to time which can be quite offensive.”
Lol
“It’s a testimony of the degrading times we live in. Sadly today’s misguided deviants have morphed into the type who would join a popular Christian Website like Chris†wire and post some truly vile filth.”
It’s called trolin.
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5:31 pm
Hi guys.
I recently submitted an article and do not know whether the moderators will allow it on this website. Thus, I shall spam it! (figure out the html tags by yourself)
As my username suggests, I am a Linux user. My reason for writing this article is that I’ve heard many comments about Linux users “stealing code” and being “homogays.” I won’t even dignify the homogay comments with a response, and will, rather, help all of the Christwire readers gain a better understanding of what FLOSS (free/libre/open source software) is.
Gratis Versus Libre
“Think free as in free speech, not free beer”
Basically, this means that while the software may cost money, the user is free to edit or distribute the code. It is not stealing code as the GNU license clearly specifies what is and is not legal to do with the code.
The GNU License
What is the GNU license (general public license)?
The general public license is a free license.
The best way to describe it may be by quoting the license itself, it starts as follows:
” The licenses for most software and other practical works are designed
to take away your freedom to share and change the works. By contrast,
the GNU General Public License is intended to guarantee your freedom to
share and change all versions of a program–to make sure it remains free
software for all its users. We, the Free Software Foundation, use the
GNU General Public License for most of our software; it applies also to
any other work released this way by its authors. You can apply it to
your programs, too.”
Linux is distributed under this license.
What is Linux, it sounds gay?
This is what you are probably thinking. I will, once again, not dignify that as a response. Linux is a kernel, the part of an operating system that interacts with the hardware. Your mouse, for instance, will most likely be compatible with Windows, Mac OS and Linux.
Linux is not an operating system, only a kernel. It was created by Linus Torvalds, a Finnish software engineer.
This is him:
How can I get in on this very heterosexual software?
It’s everywhere! This website is made with WordPress, which is open-source. Android, the mobile OS created by Google is Open-source and uses a modified Linux kernel, the Android kernel. (Android is licensed under GNU and Apache, both free licenses)
What are the advantages of this software?
It is statistically better than proprietary software. Closed-source, proprietary software has more bugs.
“the 2.6 Linux production kernel, shipped with software from Red Hat, Novell and other major Linux software vendors, contains 985 bugs in 5.7 million lines of code, well below the industry average for commercial enterprise software. Windows XP, by comparison, contains about 40 million lines of code, with new bugs found on a frequent basis.”
People all over the world are working together to improve this software!
This should be reason enough to try Linux. However, if you are still not convinced to at least give it a try, here are a few advantages:
1. Security through minority (less people using Linux means less viruses)
2. Security through obscurity (Denying or allowing administrative privileges, such as installing software, to users is easy)
3. Installing from repositories (Install exactly the software you need without searching the web)
4. Customization (Fin-tune your operating system until it is exactly how you want it)
5. Improved command-line interface (When have you ever used command prompt in Windows? Linux makes it useful again)
What Linux distros (distributions) should I try?
I recommend the following for beginners:
1. Ubuntu
2. Linux Mint
3. Puppy Linux (for slow computers)
4. Fedora
5. OpenSuSe
I hope this article was helpful.
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6:54 pm
Linux homo!
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12:38 am
Firstly, I must state that I am a new member to this site and I hope to contribute some of my own understandings in the near future.
That said, I happened upon this “article” or “story” because the title spoke of saving this floundering republic of ours. I, myself, am on a quest – a Calling, if you will – to do all I can to help return this once great nation to the Glory that it once was.
Brother Johnathan Bane, you seem to be knowledgable and well read. Though your wording may at times be a bit crass and, well, off-puting, I believe and Hope that you truly are a man worthy of your place in our Master’s Kingdom.
I did enjoy your recitation of Mr. B. Franklin’s dalliances in France. I hope in the future you will expound on the Pious nature of the First Americans and their hopes of a nation free of the depravity of the corrupted Faiths in the Old World.
In his grace,
J. Konig
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12:46 am
Sooner or later you will see that everything that is posted in articles are a lie.
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11:53 pm
Mr. Konig, You’re too kind sir and I thank you for taking the time to have dumped your comment here. I concur with you regarding our “floundering republic” and share similar concerns. On re-reading this piece I see your point that some language is indeed crass. Though I have dedicated my life to doing the Lords work and am a saved Christian,I admit to my shortcomings. On occasion I have taken to drink, and the evening I wrote this piece I likely had exceeded a wise limit. I endeavor to do better with another piece I’m presently working on. Looking forward to seeing your work.
In His service,
BJB
JG!
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