• Danglin’ Fury: One Man’s Hallowed Quest to Save America!

    January 1, 2012 2:51 am 16 comments

    Dangling Fury: One Man’s Hallowed Quest to Save America!

    By Brother Johnathan Bane
    BJ Ministries
    Augora Hills, California

    Sidebar: To my many Christian friends, let me say I am pleased to have recently become part of the Chris†wire flock and delight in having this media available to so many who desire to hear the word of the Lord spoken above the words of the secular world. I apologize if anyone I’ve turned onto Chris†wire is offended by a few of the juvenile comments that get posted from time to time which can be quite offensive.

    It’s a testimony of the degrading times we live in. Sadly today’s misguided deviants have morphed into the type who would join a popular Christian Website like Chris†wire and post some truly vile filth. My prayers go out to them… I hope yours will too.

    Ben Franklin

    July 4th 1776 the Declaration of Independence is signed as our founding fathers pushed forward to rid the American colonies from the King’s brutal rule. The American Revolution (1775–1783) was in its first year when the United States of America exerted its independence from the British Empire. No more would free men be mere subjects of the crown,
    and with God’s guidance His chosen people were commanded to settle in the New Kingdom of New England, but as a Christian nation, independent of England’s blasphemy and Godless tyranny.

    It was a costly and bloody war for both sides, but in the end liberty won out over tyranny. And it was the French who recognized the 13 United States as a sovereign nation whose struggle for independence, freedom, liberty, and the right to believe in the Christian religion or faith of your own choosing become the law of the land with the signing of the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

    But the Continental Congress had an enormous barrier to conquer before winning the war with England. They immediately had to find a statesman to dispatch with Godspeed to France to act as the U.S. Ambassador. Certainly the French were a cultured and civil people, but their general reputation for having promiscuous women, married or not was offensive to all Americans. Not to mention most Americans found French demeanor, their arrogant condescending tone, and flippant
    mannerisms to be, somewhat queer.

    In a new nation of God’s chosen people where would the Americans find a man who could comfortably fit in amongst the elitist filth that dominated French politics and its Godless culture? Someone knowledgeable of French customs and traditions, whose mission to France for an undetermined period of time had to accomplish convincing not just the King, but the people of France as to America’s just and noble cause.

    This unknown statesmen, after winning over the hearts and minds of the filthy French must then secure the King’s army, navy and treasure. At best it was a long shot, but it was all God’s people in the embattled colonies had. But something else worried the Continental Congress much more. It was the graphic primitive practice still practiced by the French at that time called… “Amitié Amoureuse,” defined as “A playful seduction involving teasing kisses, sly embraces, intimate conversation and rhapsodic love letters, though sexual congress may or may not actually occur. Where would our forefathers find such a man? The task seemed beyond reach; no decent God-fearing patriot would knowingly place himself in such a predicament to say nothing of the potential for disaster that existed.

    Americans knew of this wicked French form of sexual debauchery and the Continental Congress for sometime was at a complete loss to come up with a single name. The decision was to pray on the matter and turn the burden over to God’s will. The next day the members of Congress agreed on the only man for the task, Benjamin Franklin.

    As if a lightening bolt from Heaven had struck the words of an old adversary of Ben Franklin’s were recalled dating back to Franklin’s troubling days in the Pennsylvania assembly in 1764…

    “Franklin, though plagued with fumbling age,
    Needs nothing to excite him,
    But is too ready to engage,
    When younger arms invite him.”

    The Continental Congress knew well of Franklin’s passion for mixing business with pleasure, and since he was a Deist by faith, a man of God indeed, one who ardently believed in God’s sovereignty over all things, but one who questioned the divinity of Jesus Chris† he could be depended upon to be the man-whore America needed. But this option was quickly reconsider.

    Questions were asked; doubts arose. It was agreed on one hand that Franklin seemed to fit the bill perfectly for Congress’ dilemma to fill the shoes for want of a U.S. Ambassador to France, but Franklin was now 70 years of age, the average life expectancy for a man at that time was around 40 years. What briefly looked like a ray of hope now withered in the minds of Congress.

    It all boiled down to a single question… When the moment came, when Franklin would have to perform as a man, would his aged, flaccid and withered member be up to the challenge? It now seemed ludicrous to send a man of Franklin’s age when clearly this was a job for a much younger man of loose moral character.

    But no one else came to mind whom the Congress trusted. Again they prayed for the wisdom of the Almighty and those prayers were answered. With the Lord’s guiding spirit to lead the way the Congress adjourned that day firm in their renewed quest. Yes it was a desperate move but with God at the helm they held faith in providence that Benjamin Franklin was the man God wanted on the job.

    The Penis of Destiny

    It felt like suicide, but the Continental Congress place the fate of the Revolution and that of the U.S. in a 70 year-old, balding, fat, 5’ 9”, American Casanova who’d been on borrowed time for the past 30 years. Acting as America’s envoy Franklin journeys to France, and it didn’t take long once the old lecherous package arrived for word of Franklin’s success to spread back across the Atlantic to the colonies.

    Americans in general found the news of Franklin’s efforts in France to be difficult to digest, and America’s founding fathers regarded the news as favorable, but suspect. Had the new U.S. set some perverted old unchaste deviant loose on the French people? A sense of looming disaster was felt hanging over the Congress, but again faith reassured the pious Americans that their cause was true and that somehow they’d acted soundly. None the less in 1778 John Adams was sent to France “officially” to pay his respect to the court of the Brillons; no doubt he’d also been asked to look in on Franklin’s progress, and it didn’t take long for Adams to get a full report on the Ambassadors delicate and sensitive negotiations.

    Keeping a diary Adams wrote of his absolute disgust at the tolerance shown by his hosts
    for each others extramarital affairs.

    Adams wrote… “I was astonished that these people could live together in such apparent friendship and indeed without cutting each other’s throats. I soon saw and heard so much of these Things in other families and among all the great people of the Kingdom that I found it was a thing of course. It was universally understood and Nobody lost any reputation by it.”

    While Adams found the vile practice repugnant he was outraged to discovery that the U.S. Ambassador to France, Ben Franklin, was at present balls deep in an illicit courtship with none other than the recently wed, Madame Brillon! When Franklin offered some explanation for his “diplomatic strategy” Adams couldn’t believe what he was hearing from his longtime trusted friend and ally. Adams sat quietly while Franklin matter-of-factly explained his plan to somehow win over Madame Brillon’s powerful husband to the American cause by continuing to engage her in an illicit affair.

    It struck Franklin as odd that Adams found no good news in his report. Finding it difficult to restrain his rage Adams made it known that he considered Franklin’s methods to be far out of bounds for an American diplomat, to mention nothing of the recklessness Franklin was willing to go to, to indulged himself without restraint in the dark seductive dance of the French… Amitié Amoureuse!

    Realizing the gross error in judgment of the Congress to have sent Franklin on so delicate a mission Adams resolved himself to the fact that America had bet on the wrong horse. But his melancholy demeanor would quickly pass once the three men became better acquainted. Adams being the gracious diplomat sat quietly engaging in friendly conversation with Franklin and Brillon when at dawned on him that he was witnessing the vile impromptu devil’s dance being performed before him, at their table by none other than… Ambassador Franklin and Monsieur Brillon!

    Nothing from the sacred text of the Bible could’ve prepared Adams for such a shock… To find Monsieur Brillon taking pleasure and teasing Franklin about his courtship with Madame Brillon!
    As repugnant and unholy of a union as it was, Adams became transfixed with Franklin’s commanding performance as he executed his political duties for America’s blessed cause in his skillful mastery of the Amitié Amoureuse. It now became perfectly clear to Adams that Franklin had a firm grasp on the situation and was succeeding with great vigor to win over French support for the Godly American cause.

    And it wasn’t just Adams who witnessed Franklin’s intimate moves while doing the Amitié Amoureuse. Apparently Franklin also scored a big hit with Frederick von Steuben, the military hero who served with distinction in Frederick the Great Prussian army during the Seven Years’ War (1756-1763). Von Steuben approached Franklin in Paris and offered his services as a top military commander to train young American recruits to fight the British.
    .
    At the time Washington’s largely untrained militia forces were dwindling rapidly to British Regulars, and Von Steuben’s offer was urgently accepted. Arriving in America Von Steuben trained the hearty stout young American militia men, some mere boys, with honor and distinction.
    Some naturally found Von Steuben insatiable desires for the unholy union between him and young boys hard to swallow, but America was desperate, and again faith overcame the Christian desire to lay hands upon the deviant and personally deliver God’s wrath upon his decrepit, soulless ass. All the colonists knew… Their fate now rest with the grace of God.

    When the war ended Von Steuben was honorably discharged and soon was working as grand marshal to the court of prince of Hohenzollern-Hechingen. But a short time later he was accused of having taken certain unnatural liberties with young boys, forcing Von Steuben to flee the country. I’m certain that when Von Steuben stood to be judged before his almighty Lord God, the Lord made quick work of it.

    As the war turned in favor of the Americans it was those hand-picked fine young recruits from Von Steuben’s command that fought to take every inch of dirt for the Lord’s cause from the prissy British Regulars. Backing them up to the Atlantic Ocean, Cornwallis knew he soon would have to order his men into retreat of they’d face their end at the hands of America’s finest. But once again God’s will fell quickly upon the bloody field of battle.

    Cornwallis must’ve soiled his drawers when he turned to face his final option… The majesty of the Atlantic and the way home; only to witness the French fleet sail into the harbor with her mighty warships. All because an ungodly people were willing to believe in the passion of liberty Franklin spoke so tenderly of. And because one old man was willing to sacrifice for God & Country by allowing the his blessed genitalia to be placed lovingly in the hands of providence who guided it through the retched Kingdom of France and into every dark hole in order to fulfill God’s command to the American people… Manifest Destiny!!! The Lord does work in mysterious ways indeed.

    †Brother Johnathan Bane

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    About The Author
    Brother Johnathan Bane Brother Johnathan Bane dedicated his life's work to the service of the Lord when he was a boy growing up in Los Angeles. He has been involved in ministry work most of his life. In 1992 he founded Brother Johnathan's Ministries to provide aid to those impoverished people of Uganda. Brother Johnson lived and worked to develop his ministry in Koya in the Busoga Province from 1999 - 2009. He is now retired and living in Agoura Hills, California where he works as a freelance writer and investigative journalist from home.

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