Hipstersexuals: The Obnoxious Ninjas of Terrorism
When you picture terrorists, you picture islamists with stolen uzis and hand grenades running into a government building of this Christian Nation. But there’s a more subtle type of terrorism going on in America. Yes, terrorism of the mind. That, we can mainly credit to the hipstersexual movement and traitors like Obamney who tolerate or motivate them.
As you know, hipstersexuals aim to diverge society from the mainstream. But things are mainstream for a reason. Heterosexuality is mainstream because it works and because Jesus won’t hate you if you do it. Christianity is mainstream because it’s the truth. Republicanism is mainstream because it’s the only moral political party in this cold, wild world. Meanwhile, hipstersexuals are out advocating their pretentious hipstersexual stores like Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie and occupying Wall Street like little rabid socialists. There’s a reason normal people don’t do that.
Hipstersexuals are occupying pop culture faster than any other cult, because they seem to have a penchant for occupying stuff. You will find flash-in-the-pan starlets wearing bright pink Ray-Bans and B-list actors growing beards. I like to think that, once it reaches Hollywood, the epidemic has truly began. The worst cases of this include with homosexuality, veganism, atheism, atheism’s wimpy cousin agnosticism, scientology and Apple. Your children are being exposed to this sinfest if you allow them to watch TV or go to the supermarket and see the little botoxed gremlins in the tabloids. YOUR CHILDREN. Process that. Hipstersexuality is essentially every parent’s worst enemy because of this.
But what is the scariest is the violent, neo-muslim ironic turn hipstersexual music is aiming for. Listen to the chorus of the sinful song, “We Are Young” by fun. I was exposed to this song through the facebook wall of the alumni page for my alma mater. Anyways, it terrifies me. Why, beyond the blatant hipstersexual Daria-inspired apathy and the sexual undertones? These lines. “Tonight, we are young. So let’s set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun.” This is a new level of terrorism, and it is afflicting all aspects of the hipstersexual lifestyle. You may also be aware of a (bafflingly popular) hipstersexual chant of gore named “Pumped Up Kicks” by some obnoxious Canadian band. This is a song about a boy who obtains a gun and decides to threaten other children with it. Is this a message we want to send to our youth? Or, even more ominously, is the hipstersexual movement about to bring the earth on a trip to a revisionist 9/11 terror chamber?
The hipstersexual mentality is a terrifying Nietsche-esque wet dream of collosal terror. The philosophy they live by is one driven by evil and satanic madness. We must band together to stop the hipstersexuals before it’s too late!
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Christopher Christenson
Republican, American, Christian, Man, Carnivore, White, Hero, Genius, Brave. All words that adequately describe Christopher Christenson. At the ripe young age of 28, Christopher has been writing for Christwire for quite a while, when he isn't warding off the North Koreans from attacking or mentoring youth at his church. Because of his young age, he is able to connect with the young people whilst still charming our beloved elderly. Christopher is fascinated by the grotesque trends among youth and will stop at nothing to investigate. You can contact him on his website.
6:27 pm
Hipstersexual isn’t a fucking word you retard. Wait, take that back. Calling you a retard is an insult to retards everywhere.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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6:43 pm
u fucking idiots
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7:31 pm
Neo muslim … what ?
You label all Muslim as terrorist
do you know that american and christian for the matter can do terrorism as well ?
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7:37 pm
Muslim = Terror
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7:54 pm
Muslim = practicer of Islam
Islam is Arabic for submission to God. Allah is simply God in Arabic. Hell, muslims believe in the same god as Christians and Jews. The believe that Muhammad is God’s third and last Prophet. The Qu’ran, according to Islam, is the final and perfected word of God.
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4:42 pm
They respect Christians and Jews, referring to them as people of the book. THe terrorists you hear about in the media are only a small faction of these people. Racist-sexual.
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9:13 pm
Cultwire = warmongering murderer.
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7:36 pm
Hipstersexual? Wow dumbass that isnt a word…..
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8:17 pm
*facepalm*
You can’t put something in front of “-sexual” and call it a word…The english language isn’t your bitch. There’s no need to rape the language with these idiotic words…
Hot debate. What do you think?
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4:39 pm
What a bunch of Jesus-sexuals.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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9:12 pm
“When you picture terrorists, you picture islamists with stolen uzis and hand grenades running into a government building of this Christian Nation.”
Actually I imagine Cultwire supporters, considering how you’re basically supportive of murder when it comes to non-Christians and non-American people. Hell, Clownboy even admitted that he wanted to kill off the human race because he thinks it will ‘save souls’.
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4:38 pm
Mainstream is not nessecarily good, people naturally hate change. Why was Jesus killed? If any of you actually read the Bible, you would know what Jesus was killed because Christianity wasn’t mainstream. I’m not a meinstream person.
1. Linux isn’t mainstream.
2. Ska isn’t mainstream.
3. Hitchhikers guide isn’t that mainstream.
All of you are hypocrites.
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