Is Charles Barkley Gay?

Is Charles Barkley gay?  Only days ago, everyone would have laughed at such a question.  How could the mean, tough man who punched out the likes of Shaquille Oneill and Dennis Rodman, dared tell Magic Johnson to leave the NBA and at only 5’3″ tall midget height, was a rebounding king, be gay.  Well, this is how:

That is right.  Charles Barkley is giving the homotongue treatment to a geriatric man.  This sick golddaddy digger is probably flying to New York as we speak, gay marrying an old man for his trust fund!  But this shocking image of Charles Barkley coming out of the gay closet on New Years Eve may have been a long time in the making.

The first red flag occurred when Barkley sat down with the Huffington Post.  The reporter asked Barkley, “What do you think of gay guys in the NBA?”

Instead of getting upset and condemning homosexuality, Barkley cutely gestured a hand on his hip and said in a flirty, sultry spice like Marilyn Monroe lipping birthday lines to JFK voice, “Every player has played with gay guys”.  Played with gay guys lately, Charles Barkley!  He meant gay in the colon coddling backyard playground sense!

In this picture, we see Charles Barkley is mouthing his Worther’s Original Daddy.  Sugardaddys are overaged men women canoodle by night so they can inherit their fortunes when they die.  The gay version of that is a Worther’s Original Daddy, for the gold wrapped buttery candy old men like to pass out from their suit lapel.  It looks like Barkely is planing to butter the backside and it only gets worse from here!

In this image, we see Barkley doing the ‘Shirtless Don Juan” pose with an unknown man.  Barkley’s chest stubble means he’s a “Blacksmith”, a genre of gay closely releated to the Bears.  Blacksmiths tend to cut their top hair bald and keep it ‘lubbed’ for unexpected encounters, then keep hairs on their chest to entice daintier gays with their ‘raw masculinity’.  It must have been ackward in the Phoenix Suns lockeroom and now everyone can see why Danny Ainge was always so squirrely and scared.

SASSY:  Hands on hips like a black mom who just heard church gossipers say her little Jamal was caught stealing from the offering plate, a fiery Barkely comes out swinging like a frustrated bear in support of gay marriage.  Everyone in the crowd is scared as Barkley is showing signs of angry black mom syndrome and is not going to take no for an answer.

More kissing from the Worther’s Daddy.

Dapper:  Charles Barkely dressing up on the premiere night of Brokeback Mountain.

In this historic image, we see a real man named Michael “Air” Jordan is far too fast and strong for the flimsy punch of Charles Barkley.  After Jordan dunked on Barkley, the then Philedelphia 76er sauntered over to Jordan and tried to engage a round of fisticuffs.  Unimpressed with Barkley’s angry hisses and claw swipes, Jordan deflects a wild My Little Pony powerd haymaker Barkley tried to dish out with a powerful left arm elbow.  The Bulls one the game by a typically big margin.

Now after all of this evidence, there will still be some Charles Barklites who try to claim this is a man’s man who can fight off giants and can command women with but a snap of his finger.

To you naysayers, I challenge you to watch the following video with a straight face.  They say the way you can tell a man’s true cajones is on the golf course.  A true man can shoot a solid 18 holes with no problems, even if he’s never played the game before.  But Charles Barkley’s timid, deer at the crocodile mouth of the Nile styled golf swing reminds you of a frightened Bambi who had just seen the Cloverfield monster eat its mother in one giant gulp.

That is not how a man swings a golf club! This is the equivalent of a man waking up in the morning and sitting side saddle on the toilet, powdering his nose while his little tinkle spout sprinkles a morning dew in the toilet basin. A real man swings his pride loudly and sounds like Niagra falls first thing in the morning. A man’s house needs no alarm: just a wall stocked, hearty bladder of Dad to let everyone know the rooster is strutting about and no pink ruffled feathers are on the cock’s giblets!

All that means is that Charles Barkley swings like a duck, quacks like a duck and plays ball like a duck. And it looks like Mr. Bert and Ernie has been playing Bert and Ernie Rubber Ducky bath time under all noses all along! Sick!