I know exactly who you are Karl Rove and this is no idle threat. As the chief architect of George Bush’s dramatic rise to power, you had an incredible role in shaping the direction of this nation over the last decade. You brought Conservative Evangelicals to the forefront and gave them unprecedented access to the highest levels of government. You knew holding onto power sometimes required tactics that others considered brash or unacceptable, yet you never held back. So much of what is happening today in our political conversation is your doing. You dropped a stone in the pond and the waves are still crashing down in the public discourse.
Your role behind the scenes has often gone unheralded and underappreciated. Clearly those who know you know better than to underestimate your enormous reach. On a personal level, you are famous for being insightful and loyal. You do not wear your dedication to Christianity on your sleeve, but we know it’s there. You have done so much to keep this country focused on our Biblical traditions, fighting homosexual marriage with every last breath, breathing new life into the destiny of our military overseas and savagely cutting down those communists who fake liberalism in an attempt to bring about violent revolution in the homeland.
In a word, you are a hero to those of us on the right.
Yes, Karl, you have so much to offer the next generation. Those “in the know” know that the best way to stay abreast of your insights is to subscribe to your Twitter feed. For as an innovator, you’re a master at handling technology and subjugating the youth scene. Democrat-controlled schools have created a huge deficit in the attention department. These kids today can’t consume anything more than a tightly packed one-sentence message. But you’re the master of that! No, these aren’t slogans or talking points but true shards of wisdom spraying out from your body! They glisten and delight us! Oh Karl, you are the wind beneath my wings!
So my dear hero, I have joined Twitter to be like you. But here’s the caveat: we conservatives are a bit envious of your 175,000 followers. That’s quite some reach for a big-handed fellow like you! I am warning you now, I’m onto you. I’m new to this technology gadget and as of this moment I don’t have many followers on Twitter. In fact, I’ve been on there almost a month and nothing has happened. It can be quite lonely at the bottom. Is it lonely at the top? Well, I’ll soon find out! Today, I’m officially giving you notice Mr. Karl Rove that I will beat you. It will hurt! You might even shed a tear! Yes, I am going to surpass you on that Twitter service and get ever more subscribers than you. The game is on old buddy! Prepare to be shocked by my Shocking Wisdom!
Follow Twitter’s newest and most excited member, Investigative Journalist Stephenson Billings, at @ShockingWisdom!