As a hoops lover I was heart broken to learn that the NBA was going to have a late season, but even worse I just learned my favorite Trade School team is going to be sitting out the rest of the season!
It seems that the entire team has come down with a case on an unknown antibacterial resistant case of Venereal Disease. Researchers at Harvard a nearby real university, are baffled by the cause of the infection.
“I don’t know what to say. It is unlike any venereal infection that I have ever seen before. It is much like AIDS, but is actually closer to feline AIDS, which is found in the common house cat.” Said Dr. Nathan Rammstien.
I am unaware of how feline AIDS could mutate into a new classification of species and then be transferred from the cat to the entire Basketball team. You would have to have a large concentration of cats in one place, then the disease would have to be transmitted to a carrier who would then infect the basketball team. At this time I am unaware of any causal factor.” Stated Dr. Ishmael Jewenstein, also of the Harvard medical team.
The college newspaper talked to one of the B-ballers, named Jerome Hussien who said this:
“Mane, I ‘ont (sic) know where I got dis sh*t! But it burns like a mother f*cker. Every time I p*ss my F*cking d*ck burns like a b*tch, and ahm (sic) coughing up blood and sh*t. It’s like some ebola @$$ sh*t.”
Researchers at Harvard and at the Mount Ida College Athletics department, are looking into all the cases to see if they have some shared experience in common.
“I don’t know. These kids are like animals. They’ll bang anything that moves. We have b-ball groupies that hang out after the games. Maybe they all shared one of them. I don’t know. All I know is I’m sure as hell not stepping foot in that shower room again.” said The Athletics Director John Adamson.
One player who asked to remain anonymous had this to say:
“Yo man, I remember dis one girl. She was a vet tech or some sh*t. We tored dat(sic)up! She was a freak. She had all these sex toys and there was cats every damned where. It was like dat (sic) song by Prince…uh..”Darling Nikki”. We was using them as napkins to clean ourselves with. That was a pretty messed up night, I think her name was uh… Charlene? Claudia?”
Here’s hoping that a cure will be found and that the season will soon continue for this prize award winning, athletic power house trade school.