Santorum Uses CUM (Conservatives United Moneybomb) to Grease the Hinges of War Chest
This story broke late last night with the obstreperous blah nightingale,”AngryBlackLady” who began tweetering the effectiveness of a Santorum moneybomb uniting the Conservative movement. Santorum’s website calls on the faithful to lubricate the squeaky gears of the Santorum political machine. As a outspoken advocate for legislating a three way marriage between one man, one woman and a loving creator that spins the wheel of fate for pro-creative blessings, Santorum speaks for many conservative voters.
After a third place finish in the South Carolina primary, Santorum is clearly intent on raising a war chest to be used as a dowry for the Vice Presidential bridesmaid position. His concession speech had the clear toll of wedding bells rather than the village alarm to “drown the witch” so many have expected. He clearly wants to betroth a front runner and needs to raise the dowry for a Vice Presidential bid. He might be a smart catch for the Romney or Gingrich campaign.
Rick Santorum brings the evangelical endorsements from Focus on the Family and other church leaders missing from the Mormon Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich campaigns. While Gingrich speaks to the common disdain for media elites, his campaign continues to battle his undeniable animal attraction to the ladies. Mitt Romney, on the other hand is struggling with being viewed as out of touch with real Americans and a non-Christian Mormon. Rick Santorum would complement either front runner with his complete unattractiveness to women and folksy, fresh from the farm boyish comparisons of paper towels and napkins.
Raising funds is a savvy move on the part of Santorum and just might put him in the power bottom position of Vice President under Gingrich or Romney.
- Sinful
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- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Blanche Beecham
"Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM
1:54 pm
You seem to think Gingrich or Romney will win. Silly.
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2:08 pm
here’s a more fitting picture for you.
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2:21 pm
What does Southpark have to do with any of this?
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2:06 pm
I would think that Santorum would be a better lubricant for creaky gears than cum.
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2:22 pm
Lol
McCain used the Bible to actually Try to win the election in 2008 but he lost by a HUGE margin
Why santorum would change that ?
American wnat a republic Not some sort of Theocratic totalitarian government
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2:46 pm
The paper towel analogy is brilliant.
I believe Rick Santorum and Charmin Paper Towels Spokesman Mr Whipple are kindred spirits. Rick’s message is “Don’t squeeze the Charmin,” only in an anti-gay marriage context.
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3:11 pm
I agree Cassidy. Mr. Whipple represented true conservative values.
I don’t understand those new animie Charmin commercials with the bear characters. They are very homosexual with the bears shaking their bottoms and leaving bits on their behinds like sexual confetti. It is all so suggestive.
I wish they would get someone like Dabney Coleman to revive Mr. Whipple’s role in Charmin napkin advertising. I think he would be excellent!
Kind regards,
BB
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3:13 pm
I don’t believe I’ve seen those commercials. Are they on during the nascars or the grand nationals?
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3:15 pm
I see them during Jeopardy.
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5:04 pm
They’re even on Fox News, which we are blessed to get on our cable TV station in this Godless land. I don’t know how the Canadian socialists have not censored Fox yet. Stupid socialists; can’t even clamp down on messages that they hate. Socialists are not as efficient as conservatives, that’s for sure.
But yeah, the “bear” commercials are both sodomistic and bestial, with their focus on ANIMALS shaking their buttocks in a fetching way, just drawing the eye to the soft, furry posterior. You just KNOW they were designed by some sick “furrie” costumesex aficionado in Hollywood.
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11:54 am
Hi, Blanche.
I’ll be damned if I can’t shave the back of my hand smooth as a baby bottom and ther’d be stubble before Final Jeopardy comes back from commercial.
Jeopardy is one of them game shows that come on while I’m in the shop and when I’m watching the nascars, I take the commercial time to get up and drain it or grab a beerski. Other times, I’ll flip over to that Steinfeld and catch a couple of one-liners from that George.
Damned if he isn’t a hoot.
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8:06 pm
you know what? I’m a perverted guy, but never have I imagined “sexual confetti” with the Charmin commercials until now.
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4:22 pm
Hello, Christwire fellowship, I’m new on this website and must tay that I absolutely love it. Too often, our government disallows us from speaking what we believe, hinking it to be “racist” or “insensitive.” It is great to know that a place like this exists!
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8:39 pm
Welcome, brother. It is always good to have more in the fellowship of morality.
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10:04 pm
Welcome to Christwire!
Have a cupcake!
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10:09 pm
Ohmygod I read that fanfic. O_O I was officially scarred for life..
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3:12 am
I found my true love in that fanfic
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10:15 pm
No, your views are completely protected. It’s just that the government, being controlled by humans trying to get re-elected over actually doing what they stand for, discourages thought that the majority disapproves of.
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5:00 pm
Why would someone label herself as “Angry Black Lady”? Is she on the juice or something? I hate to bust her balloon, but that’s something she should be ashamed of! Not the being black thing. That’s an unfortunate circumstance that she can’t help. But the angry part! Why is she touting that in her obviously fake name? It’s no way for a LADY to be. I hate people like that. I hope she gave the proper respect to the way Santorum is spreading his mark across the newspapers and TV screens and computer tubes of America. She must be a conservative to be so quick to recognize this gusher of Santorumoney, eh?
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5:06 pm
Someont this intelligent can not possibly be a liberal!
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7:46 pm
We tried CUM once to try and raise money our church in AZ.
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8:54 pm
“We tried CUM once”
I’m sure you did. I hear it tastes worse after eating large amounts of meat or fish.
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10:13 pm
And better after eating a salad or other vegetable. It’s the naturally high sugar content.
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10:22 pm
I don’t know if my comment got deleted or didn’t post.. I linked to a pic from Damn You Auto Correct.. Oh well..
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11:17 pm
lol
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9:09 pm
I tried to solicit phone donations Conservatives Unite Moneybomb. People insisted the deliver it in person.
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11:53 pm
Rick is the one guy I trust in this race. Now that Perry and Bachmann are out, what’s really left?
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