The 10 Most Dangerous “Comedians” Destroying America
Today’s most successful comics rarely consider the impact that their work has on the minds of the young. They know not humility or sacrifice, integrity or shame. The only God they bow down before is their own foul greed. Has this planet ever seen a more disgusting cabal of cultural revolutionaries than the wanton wisecrackers of Hollywood?
The ten very worst offenders in this group are listed below. These are insanely wealthy men who have made careers out of destroying patriotism and the traditional family. They hate you for your faith. They hate you for your freedom. They will stop at nothing to force a dictatorship of polymorphous perversity into your lives.
America, you need only look into the face of a child to see what we’re fighting for. That innocence, that love, that brave yearning for a return to a necessary glory… What could be more precious? Never forget that. Never forget as you stare deep into that cursed abyss of our contemporary culture known as “big comedy.”
10. John Hodgman, Jaded Evangelist of Gadgetry and Groupthink
“He is an unhappy man. He is a voracious man. He is the type of comedy star whose insatiable appetite has pushed him to cross far too many media platforms. Yet everywhere his message is the same. He seeks to radicalize the geek, to turn nerds into social engineers who agitate for liberal redefinitions of traditional institutions… In essence, he is the lame duck hero of our future’s laziest, self-hating anti-heroes.”
–The Unnecessary Anti-American Comedy of John Hodgman
9. Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Machiavellian Mistress of the Modern Family
“Alleyways, basement discos, tenement rooftops, all are fetid hunting grounds for the dark Jesse Tyler Ferguson who comes out Jekyll-like after midnight to prowl. His yellowed teeth resemble fangs beneath ghetto streetlamps, he drapes a long black coat over his shoulders like a cape and, in the blink of an eye, he disappears into the grimy canyons of Gotham, scraping those walls with effluent-encrusted fingernails.”
–Modern Family’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson Plays Gay on TV, But in Real Life He is a Homosexual
8. Jon Stewart, Schmaltzy Showman of Cable Shtick
“For a man who has combines the whiney attitude of Woody Allen, the hollering of Lenny Bruce, the foolishness of Jerry Seinfeld and the narcissism of Ben Stiller, Mr. Stewart has never quite mastered a unique identity.”
–Aging Liberal Jon Stewart Struggles to Stay Relevant
7. Will Ferrell, Laughably Unfunny Addict of Adolescent Angst
“His voice breaks with a pubescent twang. At times he is nasal, crumbling his words into bestial shrieks that call out to the naïveté of our youth. His ragged face shows the wear of a man who has freely tasted the fruits of the indulgent Hollywood scene. It is not just a visage of alcoholism, but one of promiscuity and abuse.”
–Has Comedian Will Ferrell Forsaken America’s Christians?
6. Alec Baldwin, Boozy Blowhard of Bloated Ambitions
“Alec uses this fake Republican persona to underhandedly lambaste traditional American values. He constantly mocks the day’s hot topics at the expense of humor and story structure– from Condi Rice to health care to executive salaries. American viewers such as myself can’t help but wonder if NBC is crossing the line with this show. Is it free political advertising for the DNC? Should 30 Rock be registered and regulated as a political action committee?”
–Stephen Baldwin: Portrait of a Christian-American Hero
5. Aziz Ansari, Islamist Agent of American Acquiescence
“In ‘Parks & Recreation,’ Mr. Ansari plays an employee strategically placed in a bureaucratic government agency. He is lazy and corrupt, sneaking every opportunity to sleep or gamble his days away. The show feels like a bad knockoff of ‘Seinfeld’ filmed with cheap cameras. The actors never rise above the amateurish, awkwardly staring directly into the camera and speaking with a nervousness they can’t hide.”
–Celebrity Muslim Aziz Ansari Finds Mecca of Comedy in Terrorism Jokes
4. Stephen Colbert, Smug Simulacra of the Crucifable Conservative
“His nightly show is like an Al Qaeda training camp, indoctrinating fragile minds into a fanatical hatred of American values and arming them with the doublespeak, laziness and opportunism to destroy this country’s economic and moral foundation. Materialism is his Lord, not spirituality, nor any commitment to bettering this country. And Colbert’s need for media attention and control over the young is insatiable.”
–Do you Really Think You’re That Funny, Stephen Colbert?
3. Peter Dinklage, Tempestuous Thespian of Double-Sized Debauchery
“Children identify with Dinklage because of his small size and comical accent, but his obsession with anal penetration crosses the boundaries into pure propaganda. How many children will watch the little man and want to try his grunty thrusts at home?”
–12 Reasons to Boycott “Game of Thrones” in 2012
2. Ricky Gervais, Graceless Goon of European Skepticism
“He is that queer dirty uncle who tells blue jokes and wants to show you the magazines he keeps in his motel room… Some interpret his English brogue as a sign of intellectualism, while others find him delightfully rebellious. In a particularly disturbing display, he made an incredibly offensive and expletive-filled appearance on the children’s program Sesame Street. One can only wonder how the kids watching absorbed the disgusting spectacle.”
–Ricky Gervais: Profiting Big From Bigotry
1. Bill Murray, Balthusian Beast of Malthusian Proportions
“What Bill Murray means to America is the acceptance and celebration of an ultimate apathy. He is a weak man, a murderer of lambs, a despicable hedonist who waves the white flag welcoming the end of American moral and economic primacy. He is a harbinger of our death as a culture, the death of that preëminent philosophy of faith married to capitalism that has saved the world countless times from repression and annihilation.”
–Boycott Bill Murray for a Better America
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
10:17 pm
How did I know that this was shat out by Billings? Probably because of the pretentious title. Are you mad that there are people who are funnier than you Billings? Are you mad that you can’t even identify two people correctly? Eh, I’m not surprised you didn’t get a picture of Will Ferrel or Aziz Ansari, you’re incapable of thinking properly.
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10:27 pm
Hi, thank you for the comment but I did not find your childish rancor helpful in the least.
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10:30 pm
Rancor? like the Star Wars beast? if not, whats a rancor?
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10:36 pm
well I only know Den of Rancor from FFXI
But there is no Rancor beast in the game itself
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10:38 pm
I do not find these statements constructive.
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10:39 pm
Maybe people will post constructively if you got your facts right?
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10:50 pm
I will only respond if you have something valid to contribute. Otherwise, save the bigotry and attacks for your Facebook circle.
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10:53 pm
The picture you posted of Will Ferrel is another man. You even wrote a whole article with a picture(s) of the wrong guy. I think that’s something valid to contribute.
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10:54 pm
ok Billings… i contribute this valid bit of information for you. do some fucking research
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11:00 pm
Do you people even comprehend the American language or do you only survive on slide shows? The photos are irrelevant so stop nitpicking!
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11:02 pm
Not our fault you get things wrong in every single article you have ever wrote.
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11:05 pm
They’re relevant because it’s proof you can’t be bothered to do actual research, even after having the gall to claim you have done it. Step 1 when talking about someone: if you’re going to put up a picture of them, make sure you’re using an actual picture of them. You couldn’t be bothered to find pictures of two of the people you bitch about, you couldn’t be bothered to get the name of the company who made Skyrim, and you couldn’t even be bothered to look up the name of the dictator that had just died recently, and yet throughout EACH and EVERY single one of your little bitch-fits, you claimed you ‘thoroughly researched’ everything.
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11:07 pm
Amen
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11:17 pm
Why get lost in all of the unimportant details? Oh, I forgot, you’re all liberals here. Focus on the overall message, please! Thank you!
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11:20 pm
Sorry dude, Satanist is enough politics for me… in fact, Satanist is an answer that be used in almost any personal question/statement…
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11:39 pm
Thank you, Albert. Liberals engage in the tactic of diversion quite often. It’s why you see them raising such a big hullabaloo about health care of internet privacy, while handing the country away to the fat cats on Wall Street while everyone’s preoccupied. Sorry, but it’s the oldest trick in the book and I’m not buying it.
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11:45 pm
“Why get lost in all of the unimportant details?”
Oh, you mean like just who the hell the person you’re talking about even is?
“Liberals engage in the tactic of diversion quite often.”
This coming from the moron who will just randomly ask the age or the lifestyle of the person he’s arguing with.
“It’s why you see them raising such a big hullabaloo about health care of internet privacy, while handing the country away to the fat cats on Wall Street while everyone’s preoccupied.”
Right, so someone’s out of touch with reality. I’ll give you a hint: it’s you.
“Sorry, but it’s the oldest trick in the book and I’m not buying it.”
Of course not, anything a liberal says is bound to be more intelligent than what you could come up with, and you just can’t have that so you call them a liar.
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12:11 am
Do you really want to make this all about defending Obama’s failed policies? Have you any idea what is happening in the America outside of your basement right now? The imploding economy, the rise of Iran, the destruction of our foundational blocs of faith and family? You won’t have a leg to stand on in that argument, my friend, so maybe you should just sit down.
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12:17 am
“Do you really want to make this all about defending Obama’s failed policies?”
And you say liberals distract from the conversation at hand, where was Obama’s policies mentioned specifically?
“Have you any idea what is happening in the America outside of your basement right now?”
A helluva lot more than you do, consider you come up with conspiracy theories and try to use Christianity as your excuse.
“The imploding economy, the rise of Iran, the destruction of our foundational blocs of faith and family?”
The economy collapse started by Bush, a country that isn’t doing any actual harm (and the moment they try something, their ass is grass), and religious organizations trying to restrict the freedoms of the country simply because they don’t feel as though others are equal to them because you all have sticks shoved up your asses? I know about those. Care to try again, or are you going to run away like the failure you are?
“You won’t have a leg to stand on in that argument, my friend, so maybe you should just sit down.”
You couldn’t argue with someone without either running away or asking them how their day was or some random nonsense like that, telling me that I ‘don’t have a leg to stand on’ is nothing short of hilarious coming from you.
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12:24 am
LN: I just don’t see how you can defend Obama’s four years of inaction. The man has done zero for the economy, but he and Michelle have had plenty of million dollar vacations. How many Americans can afford luxury villas in Hawaii these days? The man flaunts taxpayer money like a gangster rapper. I find that shameful.
And say what you want about President Bush, at least that man was honest about his faith and Americans loved him for it. I don’t buy Obama’s act. The man is a fraud through and through. if your people re-elect him, it will be a shame. I just wish Ron Paul would join the Republican party once again. This hate and fear mongering isn’t helping anyone. And I’m no Romney supporter, believe me.
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12:14 am
“LN: I just don’t see how you can defend Obama’s four years of inaction.”
Where am I defending Obama? You can’t keep a conversation going so you just jump from one to another, in the vain hope you can find SOME ground to ‘win’.
“The man has done zero for the economy, but he and Michelle have had plenty of million dollar vacations.”
Bush has done worse and spent as much as they are on his vacations.
“How many Americans can afford luxury villas in Hawaii these days? The man flaunts taxpayer money like a gangster rapper. I find that shameful.”
Again, so did Bush. If he wasn’t going to Texas to be a stupid bastard, he was going and doing god knows what and doing things that violated several American laws.
“And say what you want about President Bush, at least that man was honest about his faith and Americans loved him for it.”
No, Americans hated Bush for the shit he did, were you not paying attention to his approval ratings?
“I don’t buy Obama’s act. The man is a fraud through and through. if your people re-elect him, it will be a shame. I just wish Ron Paul would join the Republican party once again. This hate and fear mongering isn’t helping anyone. And I’m no Romney supporter, believe me.”
None of the candidates are good enough to be President. Obama’s fucked up by signing in the NDAA (and I highly suspect the man will sign SOPA as well), and ALL of the Republican candidates are fucking stupid. Romney just so happens to be the LEAST stupid.
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10:24 pm
Awww someone’s mad that he can’t be funny. Don’t worry Billings, you weren’t meant to be funny or famous.
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10:31 pm
I dont like that Mac guy.
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10:55 pm
I dont like you
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11:54 am
Something about a Satan Worshiper not liking me makes me feel like I’m doing OK.
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2:31 pm
No actually, I take back my comment. You’re stupidity makes me laugh quite a bit when I’m on this site, so thank you August.
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12:21 am
I kind of pity him… actually, I think his blind faith in a non-existent god is adorable.
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10:33 pm
Wait….that’s not even fucking Will Ferrel. That’s Ron Perlman, who isn’t even a comedian I think.
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9:29 am
Your right, Ron Perlman is an actor…A damn good one as well…
Hellboy I&II
Conan the Barbarian
The narrator in almost every Fallout game…Scratch that, EVERY Fallout game
The narrator in 1000 Ways to Die
Teen Titans (He was Slade)
He has done A LOT of stuff, the ones above are just my favorites
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000579/
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10:37 pm
is it me or all of these are “democrat” so in other word he hate “democrat” not “Comedian”
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10:39 pm
No mention of Bill “Religulous” Maher? Did the picture of him Tebowing in a tree somehow redeem his pre-damned soul? Or maybe since he’s only on HBO part-time now, he doesn’t count for much any more.
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10:51 pm
Bill Maher’s twilight was a decade ago. Now he’s completely on the far side of the moon.
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10:57 pm
I also must wonder why Religulous Bill Maher and his unGodly blasphemous soul was left oft the list. He should be number one, and in mine and God’s book, he is.
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10:59 pm
Tell you the truth, I don’t have cable and never see his show. The other guys like Jon Stewart are available on Youtube.
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12:23 am
“The other guys like Jon Stewart are available on Youtube.”
Not if you’re outside the U.S. In Australia and up here, Comedy Central blocks videos on the ‘Net. While I don’t miss the liberalism of John Sewerat, I’m inspired by the manly conservatism of Stephen Colbert. I think it does a disservice to America that the rest of the world can’t watch a respectable right-winger like him.
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12:26 am
If Canada had any decent homegrown talent, I’m sure they’d have their own television programs. Don’t blame the messenger for the message little lady!
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12:32 am
Billings, you know literally NOTHING about Canada, except that it’s apart of North America, and even then I’d credit that to you reading my statement just now about it.
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12:39 am
Billings, haven’t we told you not to refer to grown women as “little lady”?
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12:52 am
“Apart” means separate. Canada is, in fact, on the same land mass as the United States and is part of the American continent.
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12:55 am
““Apart” means separate.”
Billings, let us not forget that you think “irregardless” is a word…
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11:16 pm
Whatever happened to the days of “Abbott and Costello” “The Three Stooges.” Nowadays it is just liberal FILTH!
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12:23 am
I agree, Abbott and Costello was great. I have a lot of old radio shows saved on my computer. I listened to H2G2 Primary Phase like 12 times
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11:58 pm
Give me Archie Bunker. I swear when he had that argument with geroge jefferson over whether God is white or black and he ended up giving him a raspberry, I nearly wet myself… comedy gold, I’ll tell ya.
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12:02 am
He saw that you weren’t worth arguing with, probably. You are a fundamentalist, not willing to accept new ideas.
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12:29 am
Wrong, smart alick. It was archie that gave a pthzzzz just like I did when I read your comment.
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12:15 am
Sorry to have shattered your little happy world without any doubt or free will.
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12:29 am
I loved All in the Family. I have so many of Archie’s best lines memorized. 2nd season was my favorite.
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12:38 am
Yes, we all know how you adore the sexist, racist Archie Bunker.
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12:53 am
Many consider it the finest comedy show ever.
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12:59 am
You and your hand-puppet are not considered ‘many’.
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4:03 am
LN, you’re a meathead.
Ha ha. How’d you like that one, Stephenson?
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12:11 am
Now that Foxworthy guy really makes me laugh
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12:17 am
Is he the black one?
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12:11 am
I really like Jerry Clower, he was a fine comedian. Most of these kids don’t think anything is funny unless it has cursing and street talk. Jerry was an artist.
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12:34 am
Will Ferral is quite sickening and a public homosexual.
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1:37 am
did he do something 2 u no and he is hilarious
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9:41 am
How is he a homosexual? Hes a little weird sure, but who isnt
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12:35 am
I think that whorelot Olivia Munn should have been considered for this list (maybe she was.)
She has caused many badly beaten socks and encrusted rags to be hidden under pubescent boys’ mattresses.
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12:39 am
Is it just me, or does Oliva Munn look like a skinny version of Maggie Gallagher, without the baggie eyes?
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12:47 am
Your eyes are not only strikingly beautiful but keen as well.
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12:49 am
There’s something very warm and maternal about Maggie. Those big arms and fuzzy sweaters!
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1:46 am
if u didn’t know she’s not a comedian
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2:36 am
Wrong again, melt-face. Olivia Munn appears frequently on the aforementioned “The Daily Show” comedy show.
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2:51 am
so lots of ppl go on comedy shows doesn’t mean their a comedian
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5:02 am
It’s spelled “p-e-o-p-l-e” and “t-h-e-y-’-r-e.”
Also, capitalization and punctuation helps what you write become more understandable.
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6:27 pm
cassidy idc when i’m in class i do all that stuff but i’m at home i don’t give a shit
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6:43 am
I don’t see the attraction. Those eyes say smug, I want a sneer.
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3:24 am
I don’t like the fat Atheist.
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4:08 am
Only 1 word is needed to describe how awesome Bill Murray is: Ghostbusters
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5:04 am
What no Penn?
And Bill Murray can survive a zombie attack unlike your god.
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7:31 am
After watching Ghostbusters at the sitter (whom I fired) my oldest child strapped on my breast pump and went through the house ridding our home of spirits – while Mother was visiting. I wish I was kidding about this.
Bill Murray is a troublemaker.
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8:02 am
Bill Murray…is…fucking…awesome!!!
So what if the kid pretended to be a Ghostbuster? That’s just awesome in my book.
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12:28 am
Why do you hate all that is good?
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9:34 am
I would read this but I read everyone and my girlfriend pretty much every article of you peoples AND MORE ARGUMENTS BEFORE I LAY TO SLEEP
I love odd to peices fuck with him and you well you dont wanna know. c:
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5:10 pm
You’re just mad because of how awesome majority of those comedians are (Jon Stewart kicks so much ass) and you sit on you’re ass all day doing cat shit and making up lies for Christwire
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7:02 pm
Great list, Stephenson! I also find Sarah Silverman, Patton Oswalt, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, Kathy Griffin, Andy Samberg, Adam Sandler, Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, J Leno, Zach Galifianakis, Steve Carell, Tom Lehrer, Weird Al Yankovic, George Carlin, Ellen DeGeneres, Tyler Perry, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Jason Segel, Judd Apatow, Seltzer and Friedberg, Jerry Springer, and Ryan Seacrest to be terrorists of a great threat level to this country. What a shame that comedy is run almost entirely by anti-American liberals. Whatever happened to the good old days?
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12:05 am
tyler perry’s movies and plays show life lessons and the bible
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12:14 am
You hate waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many people.
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12:28 am
so 99% of the world are “terrorist” according to you and your “logic”
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12:43 am
That’s a great list, Christopher! I’ve been considering reviewing most of them. What a queer bunch!
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12:55 am
well then u should b on that list
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7:04 am
Stephen Colbert is the greatest comedian alive. I sat for ten straight minutes laughing at his bit about someone e-mailing President Barack Obama that his vocabulary was too intellectual for the masses to understand. basically, he ran a clip of one of the president’s speeches about the gulf oil spill, which had a rather average vocabulary and then proceeded to say: “Mister President, your flowery verbiage is perplexing and perturbs my comprehension”
then proceeded with how the presiden’t speech “should have gone” by referencing those old children’s books about Spot, the dog: “See spot. See spot grow. Stop, Spot, Stop!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKobBZNFoDw&feature=related
this link is now mandatory for every article I visit.
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5:10 am
your list needs some work. bill murray is a good number 1 because caddy shack and ghostbusters 1 and 2 are awesome. i even enjoyed lost in transilation even though i thought the plot was rushed. bill murray’s acting made the movie decent. also his performance on snl are really good. but your list needs more stand up comedians because i know david cross, bill mahr, and patton oswalt would like to be in the list. i am sure if you update the list it would create less controversy. ricky greavus should be at 9. though i think he is funny, i think patton oswalt, bill mahr and david cross have been in the game longer. plus they deserve to get the recognition. i don’t like how you give the guy from modern family, alec baldwin and peter dinklage aren’t necessarilly comedians but are very good actors. though like you, i totally agree that they have good comedic timing in the roles you mentioned. should fix that picture of kal penn and put a pic of aziz. who i really think a talented stand up with great timing. hope to be on the list i am an aspiring comedian who likes make fun of consumerism and homophobia. can’t wait to see your list and in deph articles.
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3:21 am
Don’t be a bossy editor. If you want to write your own list, go ahead.
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