• The Washingtonian Burlesque of Callista’s Hair

    January 28, 2012 3:54 pm 23 comments

    “The most prolific women in fashion are not “of the moment,” they dare to be different and have distinctive style that does not change from season to season, it only evolves.” – Dita Von Teese

    Since Speaker Gingrich tossed his top hat into the ring of candidates, the fashion blogs and hen peckers have been clucking over the state of Callista Gingrich’s hair. These fashion fembots marvel, scorn and envy Mrs. Gingrich while heaping laurels of praise for the ‘effortless, elegant style’ of the current First Lady. While this all might seem marshmallows, bupkes and whipped froth, a more sinister war against Christian women is being waged through fashion.

    Socialist loving females can be so snarky and deceitful when it comes to their jealousy of other women. Words like prissy, icy, Stepford-manufactured, impermeable helmet-hair and boxy seem petty and hurtful especially to those that are married to powerful dreamboat captains of conservative politics. And so it has been for Callista. While she is a talented children’s author, photographer and audio book reader the liberal mainstream media continues to draw attention to her hair and fashion. The reasons for all the attention can be distilled to one theme – liberals don’t understand the significance of a conservative Christian woman’s hair and they are insufferable hypocrites.


    All Christian woman are called in Psalms 31 to be virtuous women. In Psalms 31:21-22 a virtuous Woman is defined as a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. It is like wearing a little secret something underneath. We aren’t talking about wearing a thong with (ugh) yoga pants here like some common whore. We are talking about communicating to others a worth and value that elevates and accepts the burden of being virtuous.

    Virtue is very attractive to men. Virtue can also make one a target for other women. For many liberal women, virtue is interpreted as a woman-directed bat signal that a man-rustler is in town and the other females need to step up their game. First Lady Michelle Obama isn’t virtuous because she only looks like she could wrestle a man to the ground, with little intent to rustle him away from a married woman. This idea of man-handling appeals to the liberal woman. They reject virtue by spitting accusations like adultery.

    Far too many liberal Wiki-Bible scholars imply the label of adulteress to Mrs. Gingrich when the Bible clearly imputes adultery only in those cases only where a married woman is directly involved in a sexual affair. All of Newt’s dalliances were with unmarried women ergo there was no adultery, only fornication as originally intended. The Catholic Church seems to agree. Too many people ignore the fact that hor means hair in Yiddish, not ‘whore’.

    While so many of the liberal, atheist fashionoids will applaud the effort and manufactured style of someone like a Dita Von Teese as evidenced by her numerous appearances on ‘Best Dressed’ lists, they deride and tear apart the same effort in someone like Callista. Both celebrate their feminine natures with tailored selections and a skillfully applied manufactured grace. Unlike so many slouchy, ripped jean, Coffee toting acolytes of the liberal sloth style, both Dita and Callista have exhibited exemplary good posture and a slightly padded shoulder to communicate their true natures. One would never see Callista or Dita hauling around a coffee cup, water bottle or chewing gum. It simply isn’t a part of the presentation.

    What are the Elements of Callista’s Washingtonian Burlesque?

    The Callista Gingrich style is jewel tones of color saturated fabrics, impeccably tailored suits that highlight her good posture, and hip slimming lengths for jackets. For the campaign, her proportions have evolved to cut off the length of her legs, lending a weebles wobble look that lifts her husbands rounded frame into a more svelte perspective. While this all sounds a bit contrived, it is an effort focused style choice that puts Callista in the holiest of holies as a woman. The woman that sacrifices what can highlight her own attributes in order to blend the physical failings of her man surely must have a place reserved in heaven.

    The hair is a modern, softly layered bob ($400 USD) that requires a deep abiding commitment of at minimum 45 minutes per day and one and one quarter aerosol cans of AquaNet. Ask your Mom about AquaNet if you are unfamiliar with this product’s many uses. I find it useful as a spider freezing agent. A few blasts and one can pick up a spider or shpin without fear that it will jump or try to run up an arm and bite an eye.

    The now iconic pale daisy haircolor is very high maintenance. I have not seen a single photograph of dark root growth, which is evidence she is touching up the coloring every two weeks or so. The color is so distracting and harsh it draws the eye away from the fact she has a very prominent facial schnozz.

    The effort of the Gingrich Washingtonian Burlesque style should not be minimized, even if it may not be applicable for many women. Those so called effortless, wash and go styles that are all the rage are really part of the Gay Agenda. Gays get some kind of gay thrill making women look mis-proportioned so a woman’s husband feels small and insignificant. I imagine that is how the Gays cowpoke middle class married men and slyly invite them to wear chaps or Body Armour while forsaking Godly fabrics like deer season camouflage. It really is best that a Christian woman find her own personal style that compliments her man in a way that celebrates her womanhood.

    I’ve noticed that Callista has been a little slump shouldered and avoiding the shapelier, kurveh peplum suit jacket to respond her detractors. While it may please the fashion bloggers, if anything could please them, she needs to push back her shoulders and let her light shine to truly support her husband. It’s what Dita would do.

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    About The Author
    Blanche Beecham "Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM

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