5 Great Tips to Protect Yourself from Sinners

Obaminable
• ChristWire
February 1, 2012 7:53 pm151 comments

In our sinful world the moral, Christian, right faces many dark and Satanic encounters in day to day life. Whether it be driving to Church for a splendid Sunday semenar, or having your wife gather the appropriate foods to provide cooking and support for the family, you must keep your Christianity safe and pure from the sinners. To do these, there are several ways to prepare for a possible homogay, emo, or liberal attack. If we keep strong to our principles, the sinners will lose their slimy, sinful grasp on our young and growing Young Christians.

1. Never let the wife travel alone.

Women, as made by God, are weak willed and prone to sinful desires if left unattended. Even when at the grocery store or going to the ladies’ room at Church they must be kept in surveillance. It is a man’s duty. I recommend the leash. It may be necessary to keep a flitatious female in line and prevent them from getting out of sight. This will prevent sinful outcums and possible fornication. Remember, they don’t know better!

Keep emos like this away

2. Request that gay, athiest, liberal, emo, or other demon spawn are not in the same learning environment as your Christian children. 

These sinful creatures should not be exposed to your moral and well raised children. Surveys show that most children that engage in homogay activity or skip Church do so under influence of sinner children from school. Talk to your children’s principal and make sure they are removed and hopefully reconcile with the Lord.

3. Censor, Censor, Censor

Nothing is worse than a video game or TV show that provokes your family into self abuse or curious sinful activity takes no part in your household. It is your Christian duty to dispel and dispense any and all forms of sinful entertainment. Hidden cameras act as a God’s eye and make sure no pornagrpahic content is being viewed. Make sure that they cannot access homegrown terrorist websites that enlist suicide bombers. And most important, step in and stop your child from pleasuring their sin toys. You catch them on camera, you step in and reprimand. Self abuse leads to experimentation with Satan. Your children will thank you when they become proper Christian adults!

4. Always go to Church. Also consider having your religious leader over for dinner!

Church keeps your family in line with Jesus. That should be well known at this point. But what might not be thought of is having your local religious leader over for dinner! Your wife can cook a nice meal while he instructs your children on proper morals and etiquette. Having some extra Christian insight is always helpful.

5. Always carry a Bible

The Bible is your Shield. Your Sword. Your Link to Jesus. The Bible can put athiest mongers to silence with Godful quotes. The Bible can reinspire faith on the homogay and emo creatures you may encounter. The Bible is also a thick and powerful shield for batting hostile sinners and uncooperative wives if need be!

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151 Comments

  • “The Bible is your Shield. Your Sword. Your Link to Jesus. The Bible can put athiest mongers to silence with Godful quotes.”

    If you approach an atheist and start spouting bible verses, we will just laugh hysterically right to your face. Your words are completely pointless to us.

    About point 1, the wife one: You are just a sexist jackass. End of that.

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    • When an atheist laughs at a biblical verse, it is of shame and realization of sin.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 8

      • Take it from an Atheist…When we laugh at Bible verses it’s because we find the fact that you believe a book will save you is pathetic.

        We’re laughing at you, not with you.

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 4

        • And yet Atheists will quote The God Delusion, the Communist Manifesto and Atlas Shrugged verbatim.

          And we aren’t like the horrible people you are and laugh at your attempts to justify sin. Instead we will pray that this lost soul will find the light.

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          • Never read “The God Delusion” or “Communist Manifesto”…I do have “Atlas Shrugged” on my Nook but that was put there by my dad and I haven’t gotten around to reading it yet.

            We laugh at your pathetic attempts to change us.

            You think shoving your religion down our throats is gonna help? You need to back off and let people find their own path. It’s natural for people to shy away from uncomfortable situations, and you guys pushing your religious views in our face is rather uncomfortable.

            Don’t bother praying, it’s just a waste of breath anyway.

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          • besides, the sky man knows humor is the best way to convey his message. either humor, or gratuitous amounts of senseless violence. why do you think the bible is filled with so much death and sexual innuendos?

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          • LinuxGamerTheist LinuxGamerTheist

            I love Richard Dawkins and prove my points the same way he does: By quoting DNA!

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      • Harley Farley Harley Farley

        HA, HAW, HA…..I LAUGH AT YOUR MORANIC STUPIDITY!!

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    • I think you’re more likely to bray, Pony.

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      • Seriously just shut your fucking mouth because this is just getting old. Find some new material or just shut the fuck up…God, You’re annoying as hell…

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        • This ornery equine requires breaking in!

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          • So you want to have sex with OddAtheist? Isn’t that against your religion entirely, the act of homosexual sex? Are you that desperate to lord your ‘power’ over someone?

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          • Julian Taylor Julian Taylor

            Get your mind out of the gutter, Ellen.

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          • I totally thought the same thing, L.N.! XD sounds like someone has a secret they’re hiding in the closet.

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    • Brother Johnathan Bane Brother Johnathan Bane

      OddAtheist you Godless whore! Go to a non-believers website and stop posting your filth on chrisTwire!!

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      • Harley Farley Harley Farley

        Christwire = You dumb f’n Chistians believe this SHIT!!

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      • XxBVB_Rebel_GirlxX XxEmo_PaganxX

        OddAtheist is a whore? How would you know? I keep asking if you know these people in person but you never answer me. What we post isn’t filth btw, we post truth. That’s that.

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        • Brother Johnathan Bane Brother Johnathan Bane

          X Emo…Pagan, I’m happy to reply to your question. I do not know OddAtheist therefore my comments are reflective of what the poster (in this case OddAtheist)has to say. Your another example of someone whose been led astray. But I understand ur Native American heritage so if your not a Christian like most Native Americans today, I’ll have to assume you worship rocks, bugs and trees. Get God! Save your soul heathen.

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        • What have I ever said that woul reflect that I’m a whore? Seriously give me an example.

          You can’t because your just a little bitch who thinks he’s all high and mighty because of an overinflated ego.

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      • Brother Johnathan…You need to see the light!!! Your funny little Bible book says a thing or two about judging people!!! Your an EVIL SINNER destined to burn forever in you nonexistent HELL!! Oh yes, I forgot to say GFY!!

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        • Brother Johnathan Bane Brother Johnathan Bane

          Harley what are you like 4 years old? Go get ur mother and bring her to the computer so I can let her know about the anti-Christian pornography you post here. Hopefully ur mom is a good Christian woman who will beat ur ass for posting here!

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    • Number one is totally wrong.

      I’m not allowed to take the leash off unless she instructs me to. Even then. I still get whipped! I don’t get it. but I try to reconcile myself when she nails me to the wall and carves little shapes into my chest. I complement on her work as she draws in my blood but my only reward ever seems to be quick insults and condescending remarks.

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  • Girls wearing chokers around their necks have always stirred a special interest in me. Your first picture has reminded me that the wife and I should discuss her wardrobe choices more often.

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  • anonymous atheist Susan B. Xenu

    funny how letting you’re wife never travel alone is a part of islam

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  • anonymous atheist Susan B. Xenu

    if they think atheist will become christians becuase of bible verses you’re wrong. i have read the bible, i went to church as a kid, frankly because of this is why i am an atheist.

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    • Huh, funny. Christianity led me to Atheism as well…Seems to happen a lot huh?

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      • anonymous atheist Susan B. Xenu

        yeah actually atheists know more about about religion than any other religious group, even evangelicals who come in a far away fourth place behind atheists, jews, and mormons. you want to create an atheist give someone who isn’t already thoroughly propagandized a bible

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      • anonymous atheist Susan B. Xenu

        BRONIES UNITE!

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

        • Ah yea! Always good to meet another Brony!

          I can see how we would know more considering we’d have to know about it to choose not to believe it. Every Atheist I know(including myself) can seemingly out-argue religious folk.

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          • Bronies are homosexual. Which is why atheists are bronies

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          • anonymous atheist Susan B. Xenu

            same with me

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          • Wrong once again. Freaking Dumbass.

            Bronies can be any sexuality and any religion (or lack of).

            You can have:

            Straight Bronies (Me and countless others)
            Gay Bronies
            Bi Bronies
            Atheist Bronies
            Christian Bronies (I know a few)
            Nihilist Bronies
            Mormon Bronies (Also know a few)

            Need I go on or is this list big enough for you?

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          • Christian Intellectual

            You can’t be a Christian Brony, Christians are not sexually attracted to ponies and we don’t rape baby horses like you heathens.

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          • CI, who said anything about raping horses? You did, and as we all know, you’re about a subtle as a brick. Apparently you have a baby horse rape fetish in your sick, demented mind.

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          • Christian Intellectual

            You are not very smart L. N. but it doesn’t surprise me your race is not known for that.

            These Brony freaks are also Homogays it is OBVIOUS that they rape innocent baby horses.

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          • if I wasn’t Christian I would be Nihilist.

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          • Christian Dumbass, you don’t even have a clue what a Brony is.

            None of us want to have sex with baby horses.

            Hell, none of us want to have sex with any animal. We’re not beastophiles.

            Anyone can be a Brony, even Christians. My best frien is both a Christian AND a Brony. Even our very own thiefenz is a Christian Brony.

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          • Julian Taylor Julian Taylor

            You don’t want to, you just have to, right?

            I have done some work at Brony recovery clinics, it is truly a most dreadful affliction that you suffer.

            I shall pray for you.

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          • Well, here’s what we say to you my friend, You can go ahead and pray for me and I’ll go dance naked in the woods for you. It’s just how it goes.

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          • None of us have sex with animals

            No such thing as a “Brony recovery clinic”

            Being a Brony is not an affliction or even an addiction.

            Don’t bother praying, it’s a waste of breath.

            @Emo_Pagan: that’s probably the best response to him.

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  • Christopher Christenson Christopher Christenson

    Great article! I always also like to bring pepper spray as well with me, just in case the Bible verses don’t work. If you can’t recruit them because the demonic influence is too strong, knock them out!

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    • anonymous atheist Susan B. Xenu

      its not daemonic influence its free thought. i can’t believe that you people think everyone who doesn’t agree with you about everything is under the influence of satan.

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    • Blanche Beecham Blanche Beecham

      I usually just wave my hands in the air and loudly begin prayer – “Oh Baby Jehobah Jesus Save this Sinner from the Fornication…” and viola, the line at the Cheesecake Factory has mysteriously disappears and they are ready to seat me in a quiet area. Everybody is friendly and nice and I get my food right away.

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      • Probably because you just freaked out people because people like you tend to be axe murderers.

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    • So you admit to also assaulting people that come your way? Some guy asks you for the time or something, you throw a bible verse at him, he goes ‘the hell?’ and then you whip out the pepper spray and blast it in his face, completely unprovoked?

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  • Can we do something about this fake me? It needs to be smited.

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  • anonymous atheist Susan B. Xenu

    do any of you even know what a brony is and when i said me as well i meant to atheists out arguing religious folk. i am not gay and neither are bronies.

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    • Aren’t bronies male fans of My Little Pony?

      And yes, I agree that Atheists out argue religious folks, so do those who aren’t completely religious and are open minded. I’m open minded but believe in Karma.

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      • Yep, you got the basic definition of Bronies right. Good job.

        BTW, that wasn’t sarcasm even though it kind of sounded like it…I’m so tired right now and not thinking straight.

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        • Understandable. I am too.

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        • anonymous atheist Susan B. Xenu

          actually brony has now been expanded to mean any fan over 5 i know several girl bronies

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          • True…But to me “Brony” will always be what it started as: Male fans of the show.

            Not to exclude any other fans of course, I mean the more the merrier.

            Has the term “Pegasister” ever caught on or did that fade away?

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      • Bronies are pedosexuals that watch girl cartoons.

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        • Wrong.

          1. “Pedosexual” isn’t a word.
          2. Yea we watch a girl’s cartoon, so what?
          3. ANYONE can be a Brony…Simple as that.

          Seriously, come back to Atheism. You might recover some of your brain cells

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          • Pedosexuality isn’t a word, it’s a disease we need to exterminate.

            Back when I was stationed in Japan, there too was a group of adult men who watched cartoons intended for girls. They have literally foregone the holy act of procreation and marriage with a real woman in order to marry their favorite girl cartoon character, but at least the Japanese had the decency to keep their desires to themselves and in a human form. These “bronies” give into satanic bestial pedophilic desires for animated beasts, and proudly proclaim it everywhere they go.

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          • 3a698d8456a67853c19c8f7f62d4a5db.jpg?1322519457

            I can see where they would take the attraction so far. Rather extreme if you ask me, but who am I to judge?

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          • What. The. Fuck.

            We just like a show. End of story.

            I still plan to get married (Yes, to a women). Will I put my Brony-ness to the side when I do? Yes, but deep down I’ll still be a Brony.

            Bronies are in no way: satanic, bestial, or pedophilic. And we do not desire animated beasts. The only way you’d know I was a Brony if you met me would be if I was wearing my Brony shirt which my parents were kind enough to get me for Christmas

            We are just fans of a show.

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          • my mother got me a Pony activity book for Christmas.

            it was a good day

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        • I am not a pedophile, and can’t be one for another 3 years.

          Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

          • Gitmo will still take you, commie.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 4

          • We’ll see how well that rationale stands you when you’re caught for kiddy fiddling!

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          • is not gitmo for radical racist like you cassidy ?

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          • Julian Taylor Julian Taylor

            No, it’s for America’s enemies – don’t you watch the news?

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    • Oh for the love of Luna don’t ask them what they think a Brony is…It’s just so wrong and insulting…Just a warning…

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      • Did I get it right though? I don’t remember what you said exactly but you did explain to me what a Brony is.

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        • let me reword that a bit…

          “Oh for the love of Luna don’t ask Cultwire what they think a Brony is…It’s just so wrong and insulting…just a warning…”

          I meant that he shouldn’t ask the Cultwire crew because they are so far wrong it isn’t even funny at that point.

          You did get it right though BVB666HIM.

          Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

          • Okay :) Didn’t want to insult any awesome Bronies with my lack of knowledge…

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

          • All’s well. Honestly, I don’t think you’ve ever come close to insulting me…ever. You’re too good a person to do that :D

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          • Aw, why thank you :)

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          • I think it’s hysterical. they get every bit of it wrong and it’s almost endearing how matter-of-fact they type it out

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  • anonymous atheist Susan B. Xenu

    http://www.atheists.org if you go here i will change my profile

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    • No I dont think so. We will not give in to your terrorist threats.

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    • Christian Intellectual

      WARNING FELLOW CHRISTIANS: Please DON’T click that link.

      You are a spiritual TERRORIST! Visiting that website has been one of the worst experiences of my life.

      After i clicked the link the temperature dropped in my room and i started feeling extremely nervous and scared, after i browsed around that evil website, SATAN himself appeared before me and he said to me “JOIN MY ARMY, JOIN MY ATHEIST MINIONS” to defeat him i had to use all my spiritual artillery, the battle was hard but i survived thanks to my faith in God.

      I will send against you ALL my Spiritual Artillery, MARK MY WORDS God will DESTROY you for this.

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      • anonymous atheist anonymous atheist

        all that was there was a few pictures of the atom symbol with and A inside, a link to a posting page about 9/11 and how it is a tragedy shared by all beliefs, and a video of a bunch of people saying they are american atheists. spiritual artillary really christians are so violent. and i can give you a 100% assurance i am not a member of an army satan has, in fact atheists don’t even believe in satan we are not satanists we dont believe in him.

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        • Christian Intellectual

          You subhumans are closet satanists, Satan is your true master, DON’T LIE.

          I already sent several high precision prayer missiles against you, soon you will feel the wrath of GOD.

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          • anonymous atheist anonymous atheist

            prayer missles? anyway are you calling me subhuman, i have more empathy for others than you by far, you are just a lying bigot, tell me did satan actually appear in your room, would you place you’r hand on the bible and swear to it, are you prepared to swear to god satan was there, in the flesh, in front of you’r eyes.

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          • Christian Intellectual

            Yes, i saw him clearly on my computer screen.

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          • anonymous atheist anonymous atheist

            you are unbelievable here is a article from that website

            Where Do Atheists Turn For Strength In a Crisis?
            Instead of begging an imaginary being for strength in a crisis, I reach out to others or rely upon myself. During times of crisis I do not plead, “God please help me!” or “God give me the strength!” I simply tell myself that I can do it or that I can make it through it. Often I reflect on the fact that I’ve been in worse situations and fared just fine. I can also turn to my family and friends for help and advice.

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          • ‘Precision prayer missiles’? Now I know for a fact that you glued a tin foil hat to your had, you moron.

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          • anonymous atheist anonymous atheist

            still waiting for those prayer missles to hit

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          • prayermissilesattack.gif

            Prayer Missiles?

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      • after three minutes I got bored because there was no comment section

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      • CI……YOU NEED MEDICATION AND A PADDED CELL!!

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  • So, Censor, Censor, Censor, means I should censor the bible? It does have some graphic scenes descried.

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  • “1. Never let the wife travel alone.”

    There is a Religion who do that actually it’s called ISLAM

    “2. Request that gay, athiest, liberal, emo, or other demon spawn are not in the same learning environment as your Christian children. ”

    Have them Home schooled than, one of my friend who didn’t cared about religion was being persecuted by a Bunch of christian

    so the solution have your kids being home schooled let’s them live inside, No need to procreate neither after all we are all sinner and you are so pure no ?

    “3. Censor, Censor, Censor”

    So you want to be Like China ? or maybe you hate China because they Ban religion

    “5. Always carry a Bible”

    Really You think we are all demon spawn, so if I follow what you just said approx 7 billion of people are devil spawn ?

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    • Blanche Beecham Blanche Beecham

      Milli,

      Never thought I would say this, but I actually like the fact that you posted.

      We may not understand much of what you say, but at least you aren’t trying to convert me to Atheism.

      Kind regards,
      BB

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

      • How can you not understand him? He’s speaking English.

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

      • It really says a lot about the quality of people that come to this site when you can say “at least you aren’t trying to convert me to Atheism.” As a complement.

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      • I don’t fucking care if you are christian Just don’t go force us to be christian and leave the entire world alone and I mean it the ENTIRE WORLD

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      • Blanche, no one want you to be Atheist. We’re just trying tell you how WRONG you guy’s information about us is.

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        • LinuxGamerTheist LinuxGamerTheist

          If everyone was an atheist there would be no one to pity.
          After all, isn’t that why Apple, inc still exists? So linux users can make fun of n00bs?

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  • I recommend that Christian Men install a GPS Chip for their wives so they can be properly monitored. I did so with my wife and I have it programmed to email, text message, and call me if it bounces up and down more than 3 times in any 5-second period.
    Encrypted Software can be used for tracking using an easy-to-read satellite/map hybrid interface gui. I can also turn off alerts when it comes to playtime, showering, or if she goes on a roller coaster.

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    • would be funny to see that on a roller coaster … I mean you see the red dot up and down

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      • I know right and cassidy you do know people can take it off the wife and put it on a animal or something fun :3

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

    • i got an chip in my cell by my boyfriend and i had fun with it i took out the chip put it on a squiral and went to the gym and the movies

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  • um look that video about atheist americans, it is legal to be atheist in america, i know i am one, and those people are too

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  • I like this Susan B. Xenu The A.A because she’s not fake! :D

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  • XxBVB_Rebel_GirlxX XxEmo_PaganxX

    I will call you American Atheist then. How about these guys post articles on something important like why we are inventing new ways to kill ourselves instead of ways to go further out into space.
    Here’s some DISTURBED lyrics for you. It’s about important issues too.
    Disturbed Another Way to Die

    The indulgence of our lives has cast a shadow on our world.
    Our devotion to our appetites betrayed us all.
    An apocalyptic plight.
    More destruction will unfold.
    Mother Earth will show her darker side and take her toll.

    It’s just another way to die.

    There can be no other reason why.
    You know we should have seen it coming.
    Consequences we cannot deny will be revealed in time.
    Glaciers melt as we pollute the sky.
    A sign of devastation coming.
    We don’t need another way to die.
    Can we repent in time?

    [Pre-chorus:]
    The Time bomb is ticking and no one is listening.
    Our future is fading.
    Is there any hope we’ll survive?

    [Chorus:]
    Still, we ravage the world that we love.
    And the millions cry out to be saved.
    Our endless maniacal appetite.
    Left us with another way to die.
    It’s just another way to die.
    Can we repent in time?

    Greed and hunger led to our demise.
    A path I can’t believe we followed.
    Black agenda’s rooted in a lie.
    Will we repent in time?
    Species fall before our very eyes.
    A world that they cannot survive in left them with another way to die.
    Are we dead inside?

    [Pre-chorus]

    [Chorus x2]

    Can we repent in time?
    It’s just another way to die.
    Can we repent in time?

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    • Enough of your Satanic Emocore, missy!

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      • XxBVB_Rebel_GirlxX XxEmo_PaganxX

        Satanic Emocore? You don’t even know the meaning of the words you asshole.
        Since you want to be a dick about it though, I will explain.
        Even David Dramen has noticed the destruction we have done to our planet. Polution in the skies has caused worse storms, thus causing more deaths.
        Pollution in the water system has poisoned important water sources, causing unhealthy humans and animals alike.
        With our greed of land, we are destroying habitats of wild animals, causing the extinction of their species.
        In the 2012 event, Mother earth will set things right. There are too many people on this planet. We are killing her. People will die, everything must start with a new start, a new way of thinking. Everything. That is what this song means. We could not “repent” in time, therefore we must pay the consequences.

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  • Kurai Wameku Hito Kurai Wameku Hito

    T.T Oh, religion…

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  • 私はビャーズィック・アンディーとパディ・アシェリーとコマ・クリチャンとピッツ・ジェイクとジンクスが大好きです!!!

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  • LinuxGamerTheist LinuxGamerTheist

    Hidden cameras? Does “Big Brother is watching you” ring a bell? Commies.

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  • thats so homophobic my best mates gay and im bisexual so u can shove that were the sun dont shine (that cupboard in the corner) and emo is bitchin :P u will all go to hell mother fvckers

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