• America Officially Bored with Watching Hollywood Give Itself Fingerjollies for 84th Time: The Academy Awards 2012

    February 27, 2012 8:02 pm 29 comments

    A visibly disgusted Mike Watson reacts to Christopher Plummer winning an Oscar for his role as an 'Elder Gay' in the child's movie The Beginner.

    Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Zzzzzing!

    Boring, safe and predictable: those three words seem to be the mission statement for Hollywood as of late.

    Billy Crystal’s hosting of the 84th annual Academy Awards was two steps up from watching Danny Tanner cut the edge crust from a pouting Stephanie’s peanut butter sandwiches.  You know that underneath the surface, a crazy world of meth addiction and perversion is lurking, but on the surface it’s just so plain, dry and boring.

    Crytal’s jokes truly seemed to be the theme to match the Oscar’s mission of self-groping and elitism, all to the raucous tune of gentle, sleepy laughter.  Everything from the requisite remarks about killing the anti-Hollywood Hitler to blase remarks about the economy and actors being the 99%.  It was all just so boring.

    The film of the year was a silent bit named “The Artist”, which I did not know was a movie until sometime when I was forced to watch the event for today’s piece.

    Somewhere along the line, an actor won an award for being a ‘geriatric gay’, prompting much Twitter response and action from various ChristWire authors who were live tweeting the event.   Other than that, the night was literally a snoozefest of Prozac addicted millionaires looking glamorous, congratulating themselves and smiling at all the little people with cameras.

    The most impressive thing about the awards is quite simple:  I have to agree with an analysis given by the far left liberal media.    Did you know that the Hollywood Academy is: 77 percent male, 86% over the age 50 and most shocking of all, 94% white?  While I would usually not complain about such a spread of numbers, it’s gotten to a point in Hollywood where the industry standard is hurting a vital part of the US economy.


    Hollywood – Crapping out the same old sh*t, just the director changes.

    America is diversifying.  Igorning that fact and shoveling out the same old crap is making people less and less motivated to go to the theater.  Movies are getting boring and predictable.  My 18-year-old nephew has used Windows Movie Maker to upload more thrill-filled, action packed events to his YouTube channel.   But that movie received national advertising and support, while an industry leader like George Lucas had to beg to get any promotion for his venture Red Tails, the story of how blacks actually contributed to the country by flying dangerous missions in World War II.  The Tuskegee Airmen could not get the Moses Goldsteins of the world to sign off on their movie, why?  Because “it’s just too tough to market”.  Hell be cold before we have a minority cast action movie be touted as the movie of the year.

    Give me Tyler Perry dressed like an overweight tranny grandmother.  Or better.  Is Eddie Murphy or the Wayans brothers busy these days?  An award for Best Black Guy Dressed like An Overweight, Overbearing Grandmother would be a fun award event and it would probably get a corporate sponsor.

    Sarcasm and safe jokes aside, Meryl Streep won an award and that was great.   But until the industry can get back to cutting edge stuff, like “Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?” and then have a big, black grandmother holding a skillet on the other side, it will be decade after decade of this droll movie market we’re calling our standard bearer for our American culture.

    Until the industry represents the demographic shift of America, it will continually see a gulf between the reality they force feed us as consumers, and what we are going to experience in day to day life.  And when it hits its breaking point, Hollywood will see us good and relevant as a foreign movie from Latvians doing parody of Goat Herders in Djibouti.

    And with that, we’re sure we gave Sacha Baren Cohen an idea for his next movie, that he will probably also be near-banned from the Academy Awards for producing.

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    About The Author
    Mister Smith Mister Smith is a freelance writer, political enthusiast, and business professional who resides in Venice, California. Avoiding long term relationships, surfing and not creating children are among Smith's favorite hobbies.

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