America Officially Bored with Watching Hollywood Give Itself Fingerjollies for 84th Time: The Academy Awards 2012
A visibly disgusted Mike Watson reacts to Christopher Plummer winning an Oscar for his role as an 'Elder Gay' in the child's movie The Beginner.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Zzzzzing!
Boring, safe and predictable: those three words seem to be the mission statement for Hollywood as of late.
Billy Crystal’s hosting of the 84th annual Academy Awards was two steps up from watching Danny Tanner cut the edge crust from a pouting Stephanie’s peanut butter sandwiches. You know that underneath the surface, a crazy world of meth addiction and perversion is lurking, but on the surface it’s just so plain, dry and boring.
Crytal’s jokes truly seemed to be the theme to match the Oscar’s mission of self-groping and elitism, all to the raucous tune of gentle, sleepy laughter. Everything from the requisite remarks about killing the anti-Hollywood Hitler to blase remarks about the economy and actors being the 99%. It was all just so boring.
The film of the year was a silent bit named “The Artist”, which I did not know was a movie until sometime when I was forced to watch the event for today’s piece.
Somewhere along the line, an actor won an award for being a ‘geriatric gay’, prompting much Twitter response and action from various ChristWire authors who were live tweeting the event. Other than that, the night was literally a snoozefest of Prozac addicted millionaires looking glamorous, congratulating themselves and smiling at all the little people with cameras.
The most impressive thing about the awards is quite simple: I have to agree with an analysis given by the far left liberal media. Did you know that the Hollywood Academy is: 77 percent male, 86% over the age 50 and most shocking of all, 94% white? While I would usually not complain about such a spread of numbers, it’s gotten to a point in Hollywood where the industry standard is hurting a vital part of the US economy.
Hollywood – Crapping out the same old sh*t, just the director changes.
America is diversifying. Igorning that fact and shoveling out the same old crap is making people less and less motivated to go to the theater. Movies are getting boring and predictable. My 18-year-old nephew has used Windows Movie Maker to upload more thrill-filled, action packed events to his YouTube channel. But that movie received national advertising and support, while an industry leader like George Lucas had to beg to get any promotion for his venture Red Tails, the story of how blacks actually contributed to the country by flying dangerous missions in World War II. The Tuskegee Airmen could not get the Moses Goldsteins of the world to sign off on their movie, why? Because “it’s just too tough to market”. Hell be cold before we have a minority cast action movie be touted as the movie of the year.
Give me Tyler Perry dressed like an overweight tranny grandmother. Or better. Is Eddie Murphy or the Wayans brothers busy these days? An award for Best Black Guy Dressed like An Overweight, Overbearing Grandmother would be a fun award event and it would probably get a corporate sponsor.
Sarcasm and safe jokes aside, Meryl Streep won an award and that was great. But until the industry can get back to cutting edge stuff, like “Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?” and then have a big, black grandmother holding a skillet on the other side, it will be decade after decade of this droll movie market we’re calling our standard bearer for our American culture.
Until the industry represents the demographic shift of America, it will continually see a gulf between the reality they force feed us as consumers, and what we are going to experience in day to day life. And when it hits its breaking point, Hollywood will see us good and relevant as a foreign movie from Latvians doing parody of Goat Herders in Djibouti.
And with that, we’re sure we gave Sacha Baren Cohen an idea for his next movie, that he will probably also be near-banned from the Academy Awards for producing.
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Author: Mister Smith
Mister Smith is a freelance writer, political enthusiast, and business professional who resides in Venice, California. Avoiding long term relationships, surfing and not creating children are among Smith's favorite hobbies.
10:36 pm
At least they didn’t get that smug, slimy, self-satisfied atheist Ricky Gervais to host it.
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10:44 pm
All I know about the Oscars is that I watched the first half hour and gave up. I never really liked the Oscars at all, but this year, I TRIED. I’M SORRY. I TRIED. And THEN I WAS WAITING FOR FUCKING BENEDICT WHO NEVER GOT SHOWN.
WATCH THE OSCARS, THEY SAID. WE’LL SHOW BENEDICT, THEY SAID.
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12:14 am
Agreed. Oscars were horrible this year, moreso than normal.
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12:32 am
I just don’t like them. My roommates do. But I just can’t get into it. Sorry world. I’ll just stick to McAvoy movies and Sherlock to keep myself amused.
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1:05 am
The new Sherlock is just too modern to do any justice.
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1:14 am
What is Sherlock?
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2:52 am
I like the BBC version better than the RDJ adaption to tell you the truth. I just like what Moffat did to it. I don’t like the Irene Adler episode that much, because in the books, she beat him, and that is why she is THE WOMAN, because she was the only one to beat him. In the new adaption, she lost, but somehow was still able to retain her status as the woman. The books are pretty much my childhood though, I love them, my older sister would read them to me when I was younger. And the 1984 version was total BOSS though. I also have to admit my attraction to both Cumberbatch and Freeman. They are brilliant together, seriously. But I think that Sherlock being Modern was kinda the point, unlike that other train wreck of a cartoon Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century, and now this comment is long and I’m realizing you probably don’t care. Posting anyway. The season is over anyway.
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2:56 am
@ August, Sherlock refers to Sherlock Holmes who is a literary character written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in the 1800s.
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10:58 pm
Watching godless Hollywood millionaires give each other awards for playing “pretend” is possibly the most wasteful time-suck in existence. That and public schooling, of course.
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10:59 pm
This is why I never watch the Oscars and go play Super Paper Mario or draw some pictures.
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11:06 pm
Yes, I’m with you. Let’s party hard on a gaming system and tablets.
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11:13 pm
Ecstasy tablets? Christians don’t need drugs to have a good time, you know!
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11:18 pm
No, wacom Tablets. You use them to draw for photoshop.
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12:15 am
Is that like ketamine or GHB?
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12:30 am
No, it’s a piece of technology. Damn, keep up with the rest of the world.
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1:08 am
Why would you take technology in tablet form? Is it some kind on nano-robot?
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1:17 am
Are you trying to make fun of me? This is a tablet
You use the pen to draw, and the image transfers onto your computer.
FYI, Catholic, and I don’t take drugs. I’m weird enough without it.
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12:36 am
Shows like this were good when we were giving awards to great Caucasian men for movies like Patton.
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12:41 am
I find many non-white actors better then most white actors.
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12:54 am
Morgan Freemon. Game OVER.
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1:02 am
What game? Is that some sort of fanatical attempt at grandstanding?
George C Scott.
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1:15 am
No, it’s an inside joke with the internet.
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1:11 am
* Freeman
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1:14 am
Ah, whoops. My mistake.
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12:59 am
I really dont notice the difference.
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1:13 am
In what sense do you not “notice the difference”?
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1:10 am
“I find many non-white actors better then most white actors.”
Racist.
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11:00 am
I must agree… at what point did we run out of great classic actors. The Duke, Al Pacino, R. Lee Ermey, Clint Eastwood, Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro, and Gregory Peck to name a few. It seems this generation has but a few good actors… Johnny Deep is one, but Johnny Knoxville, & Justin Beiber come on no competition.
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